Page 34 of Guarded

Anyway, the point is that it’s obviously not a Stockholm synopsis. Instead, I feel for my bodyguard because he protected me. I, the queen of delusions, am crushing over a man for doing his job.

Something happened on Sunday when we were in the security guard’s room, though. I felt it. It wasn’t just my delusions. It wasn’t just me spilling my heart out. There was something in the way Nero touched me. Right?

I need to stop being delusional and immature. Why would a man like Nero want someone like me? If Nero had a type, then I was almost certain it was nothing like me. As much as I want to be whatever he’s looking for because the way he held me felt so damn good, I know I can’t be. I’m a fucking mess of a person.

Even now, I think a person comforting me is equated to love when, in reality, the man is just being a decent human being. I was trauma dumping on the guy, and he just let me.

I didn’t regret telling Nero about what had happened to Gen and me. There was a part of me that kept that trauma buried so deep inside me that it was starting to take root and rot in my heart. It wasn’t the perfect timing, but I felt safe with him.

So much has changed at the hotel since the Italians attacked. My parents were both freaking out about me being in the crossfire of everything, so they flew in as soon as they found out.

They also had to bring Kostya Pashokov’s younger sister, Yelizaveta. She had been hiding out in California with my family until her brother could take her back to Russia.

According to Don Mario, the janitor and most trusted chismoso, Kostya, was the reason behind the entire massacre. He was meeting with Cassiel, or leatherfuck, whatever they call him.

They were sitting in a booth in the corner of Tres Coronas when the Italians attacked. Don Mario said Cas-Leatherface was in critical condition. I had forgotten that Nero and Cassiel were close. It’s the only reason I feel a morsel of concern. Nero was shaken up about the whole thing. It almost feels like he’s avoiding me because of it.

I wish I could comfort him the way he had done to me, but I couldn’t let what Cassiel did to me go. Even if he rescued Lucia, he used his heroic act to get to Genesis. He usedmeto get to Genesis, and the whole kidnapping situation caused all that past trauma to resurface.

On Sunday, I was hallucinating people from my past in the hotel lobby. The moment I heard shots, I panicked, and my brain convinced me that my childhood kidnapper was standing there firing shots at innocent people. I need to find Gen and talk to her about what happened. Maybe she could tell me what to do?They had locked her up when she was seeing things. Oh my god, would they make me do electric shock therapy?

“Okay, Mija, let’s check where we’re at,” Sergio says from behind me, interrupting my thoughts.

I quickly close my notebook before he can see the bucket list.

Courtesy of Adriana Consuelo Reyes, I was at the salon getting my blonde roots covered and my ends cut. I’m grateful for this because I thought I’d have to dye my hair dark for a second to make my budget work.

“Jesus, I wish I had that following me around,” Sergio says while checking the aluminum foils he’s placed in my hair.

I crumble to the seat when I see Nero walking toward the salon. He dropped me off here and told me he’d come back for me. Guapo is the first at the door to meet him.

“Move, I’m gay,” Sergio says, pushing past one of the other salon employees to get to the front desk.

“She still has about an hour. Can I get you something to drink while you wait?” Sergio asks Nero.

“I’m good. Thanks.” Nero says, making his way to the empty chair next to me.

Sergio eyes me from the front desk and winks. Red flushes my cheeks, and I try to cover the smile that wants to emerge. “Hey.” He says, looking down at his phone and typing.

I almost say, “Hey is for horses,” because nervous me always says dad jokes at the most awkward of times, but I reign the nerd in and greet him back with the same casual tone.

Trying to act normal around Nero since I was hugging him and confessing my life trauma was more complex than I had expected it to be.

“How’s Cassiel?” I ask to kill the tension.

“He still hasn’t woken up.” He looks back down at his phone again and continues typing.

Sergio returns to get me shampooed and conditioned. I’m grateful to see that the platinum blonde has returned in full force. Nero waits for Sergio to cut and blow dry my hair. I walk with confidence to the salon lobby, and Nero looks up at me and smiles.

I say bye to Sergio, and Nero places his hand on the small part of my back to lead me outside. Although, the leading me feels a lot more like pushing me at the haste speed he’s going. Nero opens the passenger door for me, ushers me in, and then fastens my seatbelt.

“Is everything okay?” I ask when he gets in the car.

“I’m gonna need to drop you off and head back to the clubhouse,” he says.

“I can just go with you,” I offer.

The clubhouse was closer to us, and it didn’t make sense why he would drop me off an hour away at the hotel just to drive back this way.

---