Page 124 of Guarded

Meet Pedro Pascual.Close enough.

Get over my fear of heights.

Figure out how to use that orange vibrator Thalia got me.

Lose my virginity.

Fall in Love.Somehow, that was an accident.

Completing a list usually brings me some joy. But not this time. This list is just a constant reminder of Nero.

“Do you make lists for everything?” Nero asks

“Just the important things.”

Old memories and conversations have a way of resurfacing and scratching at the surface of my fragile heart. I already overheard my abuelito complaining to my mom about me moping around the house, listening to the “chicken nugget band.”

That’s what he called Yahritza Y Su Esencia. I didn’t care if they preferred chicken nuggets to tacos. I cared about mending my broken heart.

How could I have been so naïve? My mind goes back and forth, trying to convince myself it was real. What we had was real.

But then I remember that he never admitted to feeling anything for me. Not once did he say he loved me. In fact, he told me multiple times that he couldn’t love me.

My heart breaks every time I remind myself that he never actually wanted to be with me. He was using me to get to Gen.

My head argues back sometimes. Bringing up his eagerness to come with me to the Cuevas Mansion and live as my lover. When I told him no, he offered to run away with me.

Why did he make it seem like he was going to save me? Maybe it was a silly delusion women like me got from watching too many Disney movies. I thought he’d show up in the end to fight for me. Shit, even Gaston was down to fight paranormal furniture to get to Belle.

I was tired of waiting for someone to save me. I crumple the list and throw it into the trash. Why torture myself with it anymore?

This list was an outline of our relationship and the time I spent with him, a time when I thought I felt safe. Over the last month, his calls have become less frequent, and text messages have become scarcer. In time, we will both forget the other exists.

“Ari, come fix the TV, mija. it’s doing that thing again.” My abuelito calls from the living room.

When I find out who gifted him a smart TV at his age, I’m going to fight them. Moving in with my grandfather was Axel’s idea when I told him Nero quit. The penthouse was flooded with too many reminders of our short-lived romance.

“Mija, it says press any key to continue. I can’t find the any key on this pinche remote.Hijo de la chingada.I just want to watch Pancho Villa.” My grandfather shouts again.

---