“Right.”
She cringed. “A baby could make her feel threatened.”
Threatened, pissed, insecure, betrayed… Telling my daughter would be one of the hardest things I’d had to do in my life.
“Yeah,” was all I said. “I need some time to think. Then you and I need to have some conversations.”
Rowan nodded. “Yes.”
I didn’t know how anything was going to work out, but the one thing I was damn sure of as the facts began to sink in was that, if there was a kid with my genes and my blood, I would do my best by him or her. “I want to be in this baby’s life.”
Chapter Eleven
Rowan
By early Saturday afternoon, I still couldn’t get the intense look on Chance’s face out of my mind. The one when he’d said, with conviction, that he wanted to be in the baby’s life.
I’d lain awake for hours again last night, my brain chugging overtime, sorting through all the decisions to be made. Feeling alone. Overwhelmed. And yes, remembering Chance’s expression. Trying to push it aside. Trying not to be affected by it. It wasn’t just about how damn appealing he was to me on a physical basis or how handsome. A man who felt fiercely responsible for a baby he’d helped conceive?Thatwas sexy.
Would his sense of responsibility infringe on my ability to parent? That remained to be seen. We hadn’t begun to discuss how to make it work. I didn’t feel threatened by his interest. To me, that was a sign of a caring, accountable man.
We’d created this baby together, and I was hopeful that we could work out an agreement with the baby’s best interests at heart. My gut told me Chance was a reasonable man. I’d givehim the benefit of the doubt until he gave me reason to think otherwise.
I’d come to Dragonfly Lake to focus on my needs, to reconnect with myself, so today I was trying to do exactly that while distracting myself from my thoughts. I’d come downtown to explore the shops.
I focused on my glorious surroundings: racks of gorgeous handmade paper, shelves teeming with beautiful notebooks, an entire wall of colorful pens… The Lily Pad stationery store was just as dangerous as I’d imagined all those weeks I’d refused to let myself stop in.
I might not have much money for a treat, but my office-supply-loving heart got a thrill just browsing this unique store. And yes, I was allowing myself to spend a little. While some girls’ retail therapy was a splurge on a new pair of shoes, my happy place was right here in this charming shop.
I planned to keep a pregnancy journal, and I’d need notebooks to organize the gargantuan changes in my life. And pens… You could never have too many pens. I was overdue to restock. When you spent your days devising distractions to keep a dementia patient calm and your nights half-listening for said patient to wander the house, pens and notebooks became irrelevant and forgotten.
I took my selections to the checkout counter and handed them over to the thirty-something strawberry blonde with porcelain skin. If I wasn’t mistaken, she also worked at the inn. I’d seen her at the front desk some evenings when I came in from work, said hello a few times.
“These pens are the best,” she said as she rang up each of them.
“I hope so. The brand is new to me.”
“You’re Rowan, right?”
“That’s right,” I said.
“I’m friends with Chloe. My name is Magnolia.”
“Nice to meet you. You work at the Honeysuckle Inn too?”
“That’s right.”
“Do you ever sleep?” I asked.
She laughed. “Not very well. I heard you might be looking for a place to live?”
“Yes,” I said. “Do you know of something?”
“Possibly someone looking for a roommate.”
“Oh.” I tried to keep my disappointment out of my voice, but a roommate wouldn’t work. Not unless they were open to sharing space with a newborn.
“I heard Harper Ellison is moving in with her fiancé, so her roomie, Dakota, might be looking for someone. They have an apartment here on the square, above Earthly Charm.”