Page 90 of Single Chance

I realized I was holding my breath, then expelled it noiselessly.

Rowan wasn’t conscious enough to notice her declaration had me crawling out of my skin.

I forced my eyes closed. Attempted to breathe evenly and calm my system.

I couldn’t seem to rein in the panic, couldn’t concentrate on my breaths because my brain had locked up.

Love? She couldn’t love me. We weren’t going there, couldn’t go there. We’d agreed and for good reasons. Valid reasons.

Co-parenting was a partnership. We needed to keep it more like a business relationship than a messy, emotional one. That was the only way it would work for the long haul.

Sleeping together tonight was a serious mistake. I never, ever should’ve let it happen again. I’d fucked up. I’d turned off the logical part of my brain and gone with what my body wanted. My body and possibly my heart.

That thought had my blood going cold with pure, unadulterated fear. I shifted to my back abruptly, involuntarily. Anxiety pumped through me, turning off my brain again, sending me the message I was in trouble, pushing me to escape.

My chest felt compressed as my heartbeat raced, and I couldn’t get a full breath. I broke out into a sweat. I had to get away before I lost my shit all the way.

I rolled to the edge of the mattress, unable to worry about whether I disturbed Rowan, and climbed out of the bed. Feeling as if the walls were closing in on me, I grabbed the sweats draped over my dresser and pulled them on as I hurried out of the room, down the stairs, and into my office.

Leaving the lights off, I sat heavily in the armchair, braced my elbows on my thighs, and ran my hands over my face, feeling the damp sheen of sweat on my forehead. I squeezed my eyes shut and begged my brain to snap the hell out of this.

Rowan

As I awakened, I took a moment to remember where I was.

Chance’s room. Chance’s bed.

My lips curved into a contented smile as I rolled over and reached for him. Not finding him, I extended my arm farther. The sheets on his side were cold, the blankets shoved back.

“Chance?” I said quietly.

Receiving no reply, I glanced toward the bathroom and could tell in the darkness that the door was open. He wasn’t in the bathroom.

Wondering what time it was, sensing it was nowhere near morning, I tried to remember where my phone was. Likely on the counter in the kitchen.

Confused, I rolled out of bed and stood. The air was chilly on my naked body. I shivered as I felt around for something to put on. I came up with Chance’s button-down shirt and snuggled into it gratefully. Then I frowned, wondering where the heck he could be.

Maybe Sam had come home after all?

The other three doors on the second level were all open, telling me no one was in them.

Note to self: If you’re trying to pull off a secret tryst in Chance’s bedroom, at least make it look like you’re in your room by closing the door.

With a private, lustful smile, I imagined sneaking to his room frequently. Now that we’d had another taste, I didn’t see us staying away from each other.

I stood at the top of the stairs and listened. The house was silent.

My smile faded, and alarm crept in with every breath as I went down the carpeted stairs without making a noise.

I took a right at the bottom, glancing into the formal living room as I passed, able to see by the light filtering in through the blinds it was empty.

On to the kitchen. The clock on the stove blared out that it was 3:07 a.m., a time that made no sense for anything other than being in bed.

My concern inched up as I went into the dark family room to make sure Chance wasn’t in there. I peeked out the door to the patio. It was deserted as usual.

It had to be that Sam was home, maybe upset, and he was in the basement with her, comforting her. I went back to the kitchen and opened the door to the basement. It was dark and silent, telling me my conclusion was wrong.

As I closed the basement door, I realized I hadn’t checked Chance’s office. It had two doors, one from the kitchen and one at the foot of the stairs. The kitchen one was closed, so I went around the central staircase again and found the other door open.

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