Page 38 of Buried Dreams

“Why do you always keep coming back here?” I ask the loaded question, hoping her answer is like mine.

She folds her arms over her chest. “Why do you?”

I think about fighting with her, but I’m just tired of this. I’m so fucking tired. “I was thinking about that same question when I got here,” I admit, putting my hands in my back pockets. “It’s probably because it holds so many memories for me.” Her mouth opens as she silently sighs. “Now, why do you keep coming here?”

“I don’t know.” She shrugs. “I just do. It’s peaceful.”

“It is,” I agree with her. “It’s why we picked it in the first place.” She walks to me. “All of our moments were here.” She looks up at me. “So again, why do you keep coming here?” I ask, almost begging her to answer me with what I want to hear. She just stares at me, not giving me anything. “I’m tired, Everleigh,” I confess, my voice broken and even I hear it. “I’m so fucking tired of this.”

“What are you saying right now?” she asks, her chest rising and falling as if she’s running a marathon and not standing in front of me still.

“I’m saying I’m fucking tired of pretending I hate you. I’m tired of fighting with you. I’m just fucking tired of this.” I close my eyes and look to the side. “Don’t get me wrong, you leaving me broke me, and I hated you. I hated you so much for giving up on me so easily. Hated you for not being by my side during the biggest hurdle of my life. Hated you for not knowing I would have never done anything to hurt you.” The tears finally escape the corners of my eyes, and I hope in the darkness she doesn’t see them. “I’ve never, ever loved anyone the way I love you. Not ever. Not before, not now, and I now know I never will.”

“You’re a liar,” she hisses, right before she softly sniffles back, then advances on me. “I don’t believe you.”

“How can you even say that?” I ask in disbelief. “There was never any question about how much I loved you.”

“You moved on,” she retorts, her own tears running down her face, “and pretty quickly too?—”

“I never moved on,” I cut her off, “never.”

“You moved on,” she repeats in almost a whisper. “I may have left town, but I never moved on,” she sobs. My hand comes out of my pocket to grab her neck, but she moves away from my touch, and my hand falls to my side. “She was carrying your baby two months after I left!” she shouts at me. “Two fucking months.” She shakes her head. “Sixty fucking days and you moved on.”

“You left me, and I was destroyed. I was either drunk or in a daze, taking whatever pills I could have taken, drinking whatever I could to make sure if the pills didn’t work, the booze would,” I explain, and her eyes go big at that. “Anything to numb the pain. I don’t even know why I did it. But I did, and then she was standing there telling me she was having my child. I fucked up in the most momentous way, but I had to do what was right. It wasn’t the child’s fault I was a fuckup.” I take a step toward her, closing the distance, hating that I’m hurting her again. Hating I’ve caused her this pain. Hating she thought I would ever move on from her. “Baby.”

“Don’t say that.” She closes her eyes. “Don’t call me that.” Her head hangs down, and I move to her, taking her in my arms, and she finally lets me touch her. I hold her in my arms, closing my own eyes as her tears seep into my shirt and into my skin.

“I can’t do this anymore,” she says, moving away. “I can’t. I don’t have anything left in me.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.” I sigh heavily. “I don’t want to fucking hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you.” My heart seizes in my chest.

“But you did.” Her voice is broken. “You broke me to the point where I didn’t even think I would be able to live another day. To the point where breathing hurt. To the point where every single limb on my body felt dead.” I listen to her break in front of me. “Then knowing someone else was carrying your child. Carrying what was supposed to be ours. What was supposed to be mine.”

“I can’t regret Saige,” I say. “I won’t. She was the only reason I got up in the morning. The only reason I didn’t just end everything. I won’t regret her.”

“Of course you wouldn’t,” she gasps. “You wouldn’t be the man I thought you were if you did. She’s yours, fuck, Brock, she’s so beautiful.” She smiles through the tears. “So fucking beautiful, she took my breath away.”

“Another reason I love you. You are the strongest person I know.” I close my eyes. “I know if I would have come face-to-face with a child you had with someone else, I would not have survived it.”

“Stop saying that,” she whispers. “Stop saying that.”

“I can’t,” I admit. “You think because I had a child with someone else, that I never loved you. That I could stop loving you. You left me, and you broke me. Ruined me.”

“You married her,” she states softly. “You made vows to her. Vowed to love her forever. Made her promises.” I shake my head.

“I married her in a courthouse. I didn’t say any vows to her. They asked me if I took her to be my wife, and I said yes, but I never made her any promises. I couldn’t make her any promises. I couldn’t even vow for it to be forever. I thought it was the right thing to do, but she knew. She knew it was never going to be like that. She knew she would never have that. She thought she could live with it, and even if she could have, I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it. Couldn’t live with it anymore, and I left her.” I run my hands through my hair.

“It’s never been anyone but you. It will never be anyone but you. I can’t fight it anymore. I won’t fight it anymore. I’m a shell of a man. I’m existing and living for my daughter. I thought I would be okay with that, and then you came back to town, and all of a sudden, everything feels so empty. My life is colorless. You come back to town, and all of the hurt of you leaving me is gone. All of the hatred I thought I had toward it is gone, and all I want to do is come to you and tell you how sorry I am. How much I love you. How much I want to make it up to you. How much I’ve missed you. How just looking at you and seeing you smile makes it all better.” I take a deep inhale.

“I love you, Everleigh. My heart is yours. It was always yours; it will always be yours.” I bend my head and kiss her lips softly. “It will always be yours. If anything, I wanted you to know that. I need you to know that. I won’t bother you anymore,” I say. “I won’t cause you any more pain than what I’ve already caused you. But you had to know.” My hand comes up to cup her cheek, my thumb sweeping side to side. “I’ll love you forever.” I take one more look at her before walking away from her, not willing to be the cause of any more pain that comes to her. Also, not willing to hear her say it doesn’t matter. Not willing for her to tell me she doesn’t care. Knowing my body and soul wouldn’t be able to survive that for sure.

Chapter Twenty-One

EVERLEIGH

“I love you, Everleigh. My heart is yours. It was always yours; it will always be yours.” He bends his head and kisses my lips softly, the tears just rolling down my cheeks. I thought my tears had dried up. I was wrong. All I want is for him to wrap his arms around me. “It will always be yours. If anything, I wanted you to know that. I need you to know that. I won’t bother you anymore,” he says, and the way he says it sounds like closure. It sounds like it’s over. It’s been over since I walked out on him, but a part of me never shut that door. “I won’t cause you any more pain than what I’ve already caused you. But you had to know.” His palm that has held my face countless times before comes up to cup my cheek. I push my face into his hand while his thumb sweeps side to side, brushing away the tears. “I’ll love you forever.” I stare into his eyes, the lump in my throat making it hard for me to breathe, before his hand drops from my face, and he walks away from me. I close my eyes, not willing to open them to see him walking away from me. Not willing to see the back of him. Not willing to watch the heartbreak yet again.

I don’t even know if he’s gone before I drop to my knees. I sit back on my feet, looking up at the sky, not able to see it. “I love you,” I whisper back to him and think back to the day everything changed.

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