Page 38 of Hell Gate

The carousel horse puts me eye to eye with him. A warm glow fills my chest that breaks through the walls I built up around my vulnerable heart when the world made me believe I was troubled, difficult, and unlovable. He always accepts me without judgment.

“I get the sense you haven’t done a lot of smiling while you’ve been stuck in the mortal realm.”

I tear my gaze away. “Not really.”

“Then it’s my job to make up for all the smiles you’ve missed out on. I promise to make you smile every day.”

He braces a hand on the horse’s rump and caresses the outside of my thigh. The fear that used to make me wrench myself away from allowing anyone to touch me vanishes around him. I bite my lip as his touch trails up to my hip, his eyes bouncing between mine when I’m brave enough to meet them.

“You’re the perfect height now.”

Matthias dips his head and captures my lips. My stomach bottoms out and my fingers twist in his shirt.

The press of his mouth is sweet. He cups my cheek, swiping his tongue along my lips. Startled by the feeling of the fork in his tongue, I gasp into the kiss. He swallows it, deepening the kiss with a groan. I follow his lead clumsily until kissing him becomes natural. That devious tongue wraps around mine and hesucksit into his mouth, ripping a moan from me. Things go from sweet to sensual and wild, heating up with the filthy way he claims my mouth.

He ends it before I’m ready. I chase him, eager for more. He swoops back in with a depraved chuckle, kissing me until my lips feel swollen. Stroking my hair, he breaks away, leaving me breathless.

My heart thuds as I bring my fingertips to my tingling lips. That was my first kiss. And my second.

He gives me a soft, crooked smile. His golden gaze brims with affection as he traces the corner of my mouth with his thumb. My stomach dips and a shaky breath leaves me. I’m not used to anyone looking at me like this, like I’m the only thing they need in the world.

“Wow. You’re even more stunning after you’ve been kissed, petal.” His eyes roam every inch of my face greedily. “I’ve wanted to do that for weeks.”

“You have?” I breathe.

“Since the first moment we met. One hit of that toasted cinnamon scent and I was a goner. Vale ordered us not to touch you after we let you run away. He doesn’t think we should let the pull your scent has on us control us, but fuck that.” His forked tongue peeks out to trace his lower lip, captivating me once more with the split shape. Sinking his fingers in my hair, he rests his forehead against mine and groans. “Your scent is so intoxicating, Lils. It’s euphoric. Even just holding you like this makes me want you. All of you.”

My chin quivers. I don’t have any experience with this. He’s so good at getting past my defenses, making me want to trust what he’s saying. Wanting to believe he won’t rip away at any second and reveal it’s all a joke, because how could anyone want me, the reject?

“When I saw Vale all over you at the rest stop, all I could think wasmine.” His embrace tightens and his hot breath fans over my lips. I strain closer, hoping for another kiss. “I don’t care what Vale or Alder want, Lily. I’m fighting for what I want—fighting for you. I’m done holding back when everything is screaming at me to make you mine.”

His. I like the sound of that, my heart beating faster.

“I want to take care of you no matter where we end up. It’s not just that I find everything about you sexy as hell. This pull I feel—” He puts my hand over his heart. He’s breathing almost as hard as I am, his tone heartfelt. “It means something important. That you’re mine to cherish, if you’ll let me.”

Every time I’ve felt a moment of tension between us and held myself back from more was because I’ve been setting myself up for disappointment and loneliness as usual. A lump forms in my throat as I struggle not to fall apart at his promise that this isn’t temporary, that someone could want me. My heart swells, echoing the sentiment. I want that, too. I want to be with him.

Guilt at choosing passes over me for a moment, but I’m happy as long as I get to stay with one of them. It’s not like Alder or Valerian have feelings for me outside of the strange thrall of sexual tension my scent triggers in them. Something inside me fights against that belief, but I push it down. In a short span of time, they’ve each become important to me. I can’t imagine what life would be like without them. When we’ve figured all of this out, at least I don’t have to go back to being alone.

“I feel it, too,” I stammer.

His head lifts, surprise written across his face. “You do?”

I nod, throat constricting. “I’ve felt it for a while. In the alley, when you…” I trip over my words, sliding my lips together. “I wanted you to. Even though Valerian was right there watching, even though you were threatening me, all I wanted was more. I needed you to kiss me, to keep touching me, or I thought I would die before you could make good on your threat. Isn’t that insane?”

A rough noise falls from his lips. “Right here?”

His other hand covers my heart and my eyes fall shut. The invisible tug around it at his touch draws me closer to him. I don’t admit I’ve felt this sensation for all three of them whenever they’re close or touching me, terrified that if I do, he won’t want me anymore.

“Do you know what that means?” At the shake of my head, he presses his lips to my forehead. “That’s a bond you feel. They only happen when you’re near the connection it wants to make. It means I’m your fated. That I’m yours and you’re mine. In the underworld, a fated bond with your demon mate is considered a sacred gift.”

When he saysmate, I cry out, clinging to him as something cracks open inside me, sending a strange pulse thrumming all over my body.

This is crazy. The kind of thing that only happens in the fantasy stories I read, not real life.

It’s an instinct I’ve ignored and shut down until now. The whisper at the back of my mind I’ve pushed aside because I didn’t understand it and it overwhelmed me. Yet it feels so right once I acknowledge it. He’s someone who would never reject me, the one meant for me. My soulmate.

“Damn.” He sways against me, dipping his nose to rest in the crook of my neck. He inhales, wrapping his arms around me, his erection grinding against my legs. “I think I’m literally high on your scent right now.”

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