Page 88 of Hell Gate

“Okay. Be right back, I have to go get hot as shit for going to war.” My clothes have always been my armor. My source of confidence.

“That’s my girl.” Matthias smacks my ass and makes me laugh on my way up the rickety, worn steps in the lighthouse caretaker’s house we’re squatting in.

I pick through my bag, smirking as I remember the first time Matthias saw me in my suspender skirt, how much Alder’s found an appreciation for my crop tops, and how Vale’s gaze flares when I’m in fishnets.

Cessair and his accomplices put me in this body, but it’s mine. Every curve, every dimple, every roll. It’s beautiful and fierce, and with this body they intended to be my downfall, I’ve survived.

I change into a tight red crop top, a leather jacket, and high waisted black distressed shorts. The fishnets aren’t exactly practical for battle, yet they’re a necessary part of the metaphoric armor I pull around myself. The difference between now and who I was when I stepped off the train into Brim Hills is that I’m no longer alone.

Leather boots finish off my outfit. I check the cracked mirror and set my jaw at my reflection. How would the previous Lilith like this look? In my past life, I seemed so restless stuck in those gowns, but full of confident spirit. Drawing a breath, I search for that version of me in my mind.

The dreams I’ve had of another world are all that remains. Who knows what’s locked beyond the magic seal?

Don’t screw us, Lilith. I love our mates, and if you grant me your strength, I’ll share them with you. Help me break this seal without destroying who I am now.

My amber eyes glisten in the reflection.

Rainer arrives by the time I return downstairs, looking every inch a roguish demon knight. He tips his head in greeting with a smirk. “Princess. I see you’ve sorted the balance between them since we last met.”

“It’s not princess anymore,” I say. “Just Lily.”

Matthias slips his hand into mine. His clever golden eyes see through the brave face I put on. “If you’re not ready, we don’t have to do this.”

Damn it. I thought I was masking it. “I am. And we do.”

Alder appears at my other side, squeezing the back of my neck. “We’ll protect you no matter what.”

“Let’s go.” Valerian meets my eye, trapping me in his astute gaze.

I keep hold of Matthias’ hand and push past him before he asks about why I’m barely keeping it together under the surface. It’s all I can do to keep the worries plaguing me at bay, trying to stop my anxieties from feeding along the bond tethering me to my mates.

The climb up the rusted iron spiral steps in the lighthouse is only making it worse. To distract myself, I voice the first stray question that pops in my head.

“Does this Hell gate have an urban legend, too?” I crane my neck to look at the top of the lighthouse past the point the steps have deteriorated.

“Nailed it.” Matthias brackets his hands on the railings on either side of me, climbing right behind me. “Locals claim it’s haunted with steps that lead to nowhere and don’t reach the top. The portal is past that point, but since it’s a one-way trip it’s less active.”

The closer we get to the top, the more my breathing becomes strained. “And how do we activate it?”

“You’ll feel it. This one doesn’t have a ritual. It will recognize demons,” Alder calls back from a few steps above us.

Rainer is ahead of him. Vale brings up the rear. Alder and Matthias are going to hold my hands, surrounding me as we go through together like they promised. It doesn’t stop me from picturing being rejected by my true place.

“See you on the other side,” Rainer says.

Shimmering static electricity like I saw in the Brim Hills graveyard crackles through the air above the broken steps. It looks like he needs to jump into it. My heartbeat drums erratically and my palms smoke as my emotions fray. He flashes a grin and steps on nothing—on air—and vaults himself through the portal that ripples around him with a flash of light.

Valerian pushes up to join me. He pins my hips against the cool brick wall. Alder plants himself at the top and Matthias blocks the path down. The three of them surround me, forcing me to face them.

“Don’t lie to us, mate. We sense your fear. You can’t hide it from the bond,” Valerian rumbles. “Say the word and we call this off.”

“We can’t,” I push out hoarsely.

“We’ll do anything when it comes to you,” Matthias says.

Alder cups my cheek and angles my face to his. He swipes the teardrops spilling over. “What are you afraid of?”

“Losing you.” A shuddering breath hisses out of me. “Of being separated from you forever when I break the seal. I—I’m afraid that I don’t exist. That the real Lilith is waiting to break free.”

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