Page 77 of Up In Smoke

“No, I don’t. Carlos may have been your baby, but he tried to kill the woman I lovemultiple times.”

“That bitch shot him! That bitch shot my baby!”

He noticed she didn’t mention that Luke had actually been the one to kill Carlos. But he’d had enough and, for the first time in his life, he hung up on the woman who had done everything she could to give her sons a better future.

The police department had shared information with the family. It didn't matter. They all knew Carlos was dead now, so there wouldn’t be a trial or prison time. There wasn't much that could happen, but the details revealed just how much Luke hadn’t known.

Carlos had done a stint in juvenile hall after Luke had moved away for school. His mother had never told him. Mario had broken under police interrogation. They’d waited him out, and as soon as he started hurting for his next fix, he'd been willing to tell them anything.

Mario, despite being just a few years older, had been under Carlos’ thumb most of his life. That was probably the reason for the drug use. Luke drank more of the beer. He felt like complete shit. He’d protected Carlos at the expense of Mario. Carlos the Sweet Baby. Mario the idiot who kept making bad decisions.

According to Mario, his only involvement in the incident with the squirrel had been in trying to stop his brother. He’d confessed because Carlos had previously mangled one of the neighbor's pets and threatened to turn Mario in for it. His youngest brother had been a calculating little piece of shit from at least the age of eight. And while Luke mourned the brother he’d believed Carlos had been, he also was learning to admit that man had never existed.

His phone buzzed. His mother again. Despite him hanging up on her, she wasn’t done. When he didn’t answer, she messaged for money for Carlos’s funeral.

Carlos could be put into a pine box or even a mass grave, for all Luke cared.

Everyone had stopped by or checked on him … but not Ivy. He’d heard nothing from her except for one message two days ago, that simply said, “I am so sorry.”

He had messaged back – Can I see you?

But she immediately replied – No. Not right now.

That had been it. He wanted to ask if she was okay, but he’d heard the shot Carlos had gotten on her was just a graze. Just enough to bleed and look bad. So he needed to know why she didn’t want to see him, but it was painfully clear. He was the sole reason for everything she’d suffered. Was she setting up to sell the little house even now?

He felt the pressure at the back of his eyes, the tears welling up. He'd done it—he’d taken something beautiful and perfect and once again his family and his history and his shitty upbringing had managed to ruin it.

He messaged Taggart as he took another sip. Might as well find out if anything was left at all.

— Do I still have a job?

If he'd lost the very last thing he had to hold onto, he figured he should know now. At least that reply came back quickly.

— Of course, you do. I just think you should take one more shift off. Make sure everything's square for your family. But we're anxious to have you back.

As he read the last sentence, the dam broke.

Luke leaned forward, his face in his hands. He had one thing left out of everything he'd worked so hard for. Everything he’d been so lucky to get.

He looked up then, his vision blurry, the beer still clutched in one fist.

What did he even have?

He had a shitty apartment on the bad side of town.

He now had no money in savings. Every damn time he managed to put something away, his mother needed her plumbing fixed or Mario needed rehab or Carlos had needed a loan to get a better car, so he could bump up to the sales job.

Jesus, Luke thought now, he'dfundedthat little piece of shit. And this was how Carlos had repaid him.

But he had the job. Firefighting was in his blood now, it was who he was. It was all he had left.

He finished the beer, sat on the couch, and stared at the wall, trying to count the hours until he could go back to his shift.

He made his decisions. He would cover Mario and he might help their mother if something broke at the house. But he wasn't doing anything for Carlos, no matter how much she demanded. She needed to see the truth about her youngest child. Luke refused to think about how much she might have played a hand in how Carlos had turned out. She’d given everything and they’d still had nothing. She had somehow managed to be both the best mother and the absolute worst.

He didn't know how much later it was, but the sky had brightened as the day passed into noon. It was hard to tell time with the sky always cloudy and the snow always falling. So far none of it had managed to pile up.

He’d held off on having another beer. After all, it was barely midday and he was talking himself into what he was about to do.

---