Page 24 of Up In Smoke

She turned to look at Luke and saw that he understood.

She'd been so, so wrong in thinking that, and it wasn't long before she figured that out. “They followed us out of the club, put us in the car and drove us home. I was even embarrassed to be climbing into this big old powder blue Cadillac. At the time, I thought we were Godly and saving money by driving this old car. And now, looking back, it was just this posturing my dad did. See how he was better than you that he didn't have to buy new cars? Everything was about being better than someone else.”

She sighed. She couldn’t do this. She should stop. Luke had already figured out that she’d left her family so far behind that she didn’t even know her brother had died nine months ago. But she couldn’t let him think she had done this herself.

“We got home, and my dad lined the three of us up in front of the other kids. With everyone watching, he said all kinds of horrible things. He encouraged the others to say it, too. But Rowan was told he’d misbehaved. At the time, I didn't even catch it. But now, looking back, Dad told Rowan he haddonesomething bad. Rowan would have to pray and repent. But what he told Lily and me was that weweresomething bad. Mother said we’d ruined our futures and no one would want us.”

She picked at the label on the bottle so she wouldn’t have to look at Luke. But the story had started and it was going to continue, even though she didn’t want it to. “I remember being relieved that no one would want me. The worst thing I could imagine would be getting married and handed off to some guy that—if I was lucky—I would like him. Most likely, I wouldn't. And it wouldn't matter.”

Her unsteady fingers wrapped around the bottle, lifting it for another drink before remembering it was already empty. When she set it back down, it thunked harder than she expected, letting her know she was more upset that she was willing to admit.

Even now, all these years later, just thinking about it was like getting a knife and digging it deep in her own skin. “Dad asked whose idea it was, and I still think Lily just panicked. It had been her idea. I had totally gone along with it. I will fully admit that. I thought it was a fantastic idea, but I was not the one who originally suggested that we head out and catch the bus and buy clothes and hit a club.

“At first we were all silent, but Dad pulled his hand back.” She saw Luke flinch now the way she had fought so hard not to that night. “Lily said it was me.”

Luke’s eyes flew wide and his whole body jerked. “Did your brother stand up for you. Did he not know it wasn't your idea?”

Ivy tipped her head as if to mock him. “Don't you remember? He was already excused from this shit show. He just had to do a little prayer and repent for his bad behavior. He was not part of turning the women against each other.”

“Shit.” It was the softest of whispers. He probably hadn't meant for her to hear it. But she did, and she agreed.

“I'll be honest, I wasn't the perfect kid. I back talked, and I wasn't good at being meek. Neither was Lily, but she hid it better than I did. For whatever reason, that night was the final straw.” Ivy paused as something she’d read clicked in her brain.

“Do you know the hypnotist’s dilemma?”

Luke hadn't quite followed her sudden subject change. But she tried to explain.

“They invite everybody up on stage and ask them to do a simple task—like make a fist. Then the hypnotist comes along and pushes on each fist, and one by one, he sends people off the stage, telling them they don't qualify. He chooses people randomly. The idea being that even the person you thought was going to make the cut, didn't make it. And if you want to stay, you have to fall in line.”

She took a breath. “Looking back, I wonder if maybe my father wasn't employing the same strategy. Kick out one of the kids and show the others that no one is safe. Obedience is necessary. I’ll bet it was very effective at keeping them in line after I was gone.”

Luke blinked and said the words that were in her head. “But you don't know because you weren't there.”

She nodded. “I was fully kicked out of the house and the family by midnight. I wasn’t allowed to say goodbye to my brothers and sisters. No one was allowed to contact me. He told them while I was gathering my things that they were to think of me as dead, for surely the good Ivy that should have resided inside me had died or I wouldn’t have behaved this way.”

Another sigh. Another wish for something that would ease the pain. Ivy could have used a hit of something good to take the sting out of this story.

“My mother cried. She refused to hug me … even when my father wasn't watching. She didn't say anything to me, just turned her back.”

“Holy shit.” This time, Luke didn't even try to hide it.

At the time, Ivy had told herself she was strong. Lord knew, in her family, they'd all taken enough knocks that they were tough. But looking back, no sixteen-year-old should ever have had to deal with that.

Luke’s voice was soft. “It makes more sense now the way you reacted to what I told you about my brothers. But I need you to understand that, as bad of things as my family has done, we would never do that to each other. And that's why I can't tell the chief about my suspicions, not until I know more.”

Ivy nodded. But her nod was one of agreement. Her agreement meant that she understood that Luke felt he couldn’t turn suspicion on his brother. Ivy wasn’t sure she felt the same way.

Chapter Nineteen

Ivy woke the next morning, somehow both refreshed and utterly drained.

She had been up way too late, but that didn't matter. She had a job to do and she wanted to be good at it. So she was here and she would give her best, even if that wasn’t as good as her best on other days.

As she unlocked the doors to the library and opened the space, she was thinking of the job. Sometimes it was the job she loved and looked forward to, but right now it was the way she earned money. Ivy was thinking of money to replenish her savings, money to buy another coffee table, replace her big fluffy armchairs, and get a TV. Though she’d managed a new dinner table she still needed chairs for it, and … And. And. And.

Even so, the library was still a bastion of hope for others if not for her. Within a few minutes, she had several patrons inside. “Good morning, Mr. Gentson!”

He’d requested the newest from Stephen King and before he asked, she pulled it out from behind the desk where she'd held it on reserve. His smile helped wake her up. One of the local moms came in with her two young children in tow. For the first time, Ivy noticed that the woman was pregnant again.

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