Page 86 of Hidden Heir

“Shit,” I say hoarsely, knocking my head back against the wall. “I felt like I was dying.”

“You were having a panic attack, a bad one,” Rik says, resting back on his haunches. “Almost lost you for a second.”

“I’m fine now.”

“No,” Rik says. He stands and offers me his hand. “You’re not fine.”

“I am,” I insist, slowly climbing onto unsteady legs. “Shit.”

“You can trick yourself into thinking you are but deep down, you aren’t,” Rik says. “You’ve clearly got some shit going on that you’re not dealing with.”

I puff out my cheeks, hyper-focused on breathing as a wave of nausea washes over me. “Thought I was gonna explode.”

“You have PTSD.” Rik takes my arm and guides me into the bedroom. “Nothing to be ashamed of. You went through some major trauma. You’ve been so focused on making sure Brooke is okay and making up for what your family did that you haven’t given yourself time to heal.”

“I’m fine.”

“Bullshit.” Rik almost shoves me down onto the couch. “I knew plenty of guys like you in the Army. You think powering through is the way then shit like this happens and you don’t understand why. Mental trauma can affect you physically too. After what you went through you can’t keep pretending things are fine.”

I want to argue but he’s right. Some days I’m on top of the world. Other days, I feel like I’m going to implode if someone looks at me wrong. “So what are you saying, I need therapy?”

“I wouldn’t rule it out,” Rik replies, sitting across from me. “But you need to heal. Listen to your body. A panic attack is awful but it can be so much worse. You and Brooke both need to be taking better care of yourselves. Throwing yourselves into this new initiative to help people is all well and good until…” He points at me, a stern expression on his face. “PTSD is no joke.”

I watch him intently, feeling slightly off balance as my heart continues to race. “Speaking from experience?”

“Maybe.” Rik sighs. “Look, I know a guy. He helped me. Let me give him a call. A couple of sessions might do both of you a world of good.”

“Rik…”

“If you don’t want to do it for yourself then do it for me,” he says. “I don’t want to lose either one of you ever again, definitely not to something like this.”

I consider denying him because the idea that Paul could leave such a lasting effect on me makes me feel weak, but the earnest look on his face keeps me silent. I nod and force a deep, slow breath.

“Okay. Sure.”

Rik smiles. “Great.”

He stays with me until Brooke finishes up with bathtime, then I hug and kiss Tiffany as hard as I can until she complains. Rik takes her downstairs for a snack while Brooke sits next to me and pulls me into her arms. My head ends up in her lap and she hums softly while threading her fingers through my hair.

“How are you feeling?”

“Hollow.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Just stay here with me,” I say, closing my eyes.

“Was it me?” she asks softly. “Did the rough sex the other night trigger you?”

“No.” My eyes open and I look up at her. “It definitely wasn’t you. It was… Tiffany was gone. The door was still closed so it was like she just vanished and I couldn’t understand how.”

“She’s very polite with closing doors,” Brooke says softly.

“I know. If I’d stopped to think then I would have realized that but I just…” I close my eyes again. “The thought of losing her, or you, just tears me apart inside. I’d rather die a thousand times over in the worst way than ever having to go through losing either one of you. It scares me deeply. I guess I never realized how much. We are just becoming a family and then she was gone. I felt like something had taken over my body and thoughts.”

“We’re not as healed as we think we are, are we?” Brooke caresses my forehead, sweeping hair away from my brow.

“Rik wants us to talk to someone.”

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