“Please don’t be offended, Nardi. He didn’t mean anything negative by it.”
“Then what did he mean?” I snap.
“He just… thought that you might need support after…”
My throat constricts. “After what Sunny?”
“After he passes.”
A cold chill runs down my back.
Sunny continues in a subdued voice and I can tell she’s trying not to let her kids hear. “Cullen told us that you don’t have many friends because you’re too busy taking care of your brother and working.”
I flinch because it’s true, but it’s also horrid to hear it spoken so blatantly.
“He couldn’t think of anyone who’d be around to support you emotionally when… I mean if… I mean… you know.” Sunny struggles to find the words.
“I can’t believe this,” I whisper, dumbfounded.
“Truthfully, I don’t know Cullen that well. He only talks to my husband and most of what they discuss is private. Darrel doesn’t share confidential matters with me. However, after Cullen summed up the courage to make that request, I knew one thing. He really,reallyloves you.”
I swallow hard.
The weight on my chest returns, but it’s heavier now than it’s ever been.
Sunny sighs. “I’ve never seen a man more devoted to a woman. And I have many, many friends who’ve sacrificed and changed their entire lives for love. Dare even learned sign language! I thought no one could top that.”
I want to smile. Want to laugh. Want to make this odd, heavy feeling disappear. But I can’t.
Sunny interrupts the quiet. “If you don’t mind me asking, what are your feelings for him?”
“I…” My tongue darts out to wet my lips. “I’m trying…” My voice cracks. “I’m trying really hard not to get in too deep. Heasked me not to and I don’t want to either. I don’t want to be hurt.”
Sunny waits a beat, as if she’s thinking hard. “I may not have a right to intervene in this and if I’m crossing a line, please feel free to tell me that. Darrel always warns me that I can be too pushy. People need to come to their own conclusions.”
“No, I want to hear.”
It’ll be such a relief to have someone else chime in on this. My heart is a tangled mess and my thoughts are pure chaos. An outside perspective is welcome.
“You should start thinking about protecting yourself,” Sunny says seriously.
“Protecting myself? You mean…?”
“I mean it might be a good idea to stop whatever you have going on with Cullen.”
Her words are a splash of cold water to the face.
“Cullen is going to keep loving you. And I know, as a woman who is fiercely, passionately and consistently loved, that when a man really takes care of you and meets all your needs, it makes you want to love and respect him in return. It’s very difficult to do anything else.” She pauses. “But if you do that, Nardi, you’ll be stabbing a knife through your own heart.”
“I know.”
“It’s still your choice, and I hope you don’t think I’m looking down on you or trying to tell you what to do. I think you’re awesome and, given how much Cullen loves you, I know you must be a good person. With time, I can see that you and I will be dear friends.”
Sunny’s tone is soothing and sincere, but it’s not enough to stop the bleeding of my heart. Like she said, the knife is already there. It’s just a matter of how deep it goes and how long before it ends me.
Cullen picks me up before my appointment.
Josiah’s the one who opens the door.