Page 255 of Time Stops With You

I start to close the book when a page drops out. Instantly, I recognize Cullen’s handwriting.

‘Programming For Dummies’

‘How To Learn Programming At Any Age’

‘Why Programming Is a Science and An Art’

“Why did Cullen give this to mom?” I murmur, running my fingers down the page.

The front door opens and mom enters.

She freezes when she sees that I’m holding Cullen’s note.

“What is this?” I lift the paper.

“It’s nothing.” She hurries toward me and slaps the note back into her book.

I stare at her, silently begging to know.

Mom sighs. “After the party, Cullen spoke to me about his hopes for Josiah. He told me that Josiah’s very lonely, and I could see that too. But my son and I speak two different languages. I don’t know how to reach him.”

“Soyoudecided to learn programming?”

Mom lifts her head defensively. “Cullen suggested I learn. It’s all above my head, but I kind of understand how to?—”

I wrap my arms around my mother and hug her close.

Mom stiffens in surprise.

“I’m sorry for snapping at you, mom,” I whisper, burying my face in her shoulder.

Her muscles relax and she pats my back. “I’m sorry if it sounds like I’m nagging or being insensitive. I just want you to be okay.”

“I know.” And though my bottom lip trembles and it doesn’t feel quite true yet, I tell her, “I will be… someday.”

But not today.

For today, I cry and cry and cry until I fall asleep.

After our heart-to-heart that day, mom and I have a long conversation about what happens next. I tell her that I’m not ready to step into the wealth that Cullen left for me and Josiah. She tells me she’s not comfortable seeing me waste away in his house.

We compromise.

I agree to meet Whitaker to find out the next steps of sorting out Cullen’s estate and mom agrees to move into Cullen’s place—for a probationary period. If I can’t handle it and if I continue to show signs of distress, we’re moving out for the sake of my mental health.

The visit with Whitaker happens later on in the month as I’m not strong enough to face Cullen’s last will and testament. I’m actually quite surprised no one has pressured me or shown up to harass me about all the transferred assets. Cullen didn’t seem like the type who’d want to move slowly in that regard.

When I get to Whitaker’s office, he tells me that they’re still evaluating Cullen’s estate and that it would take a little more time. However, he assures me that I can move into Cullen’s house.

Mom, Josiah and I settle in and, while I’d prefer not to change anything, she adds her own decor to Cullen’s living room, adding frilly pillows, picture frames and knickknacks.

She also takes the downstairs bedroom and I don’t fight her on it. Sleeping in the bed that Cullen and I shared is a bit too much for me right now.

Josiah, I think, is the most delighted by the move. He immediately makes Cullen’s computer room his home and I get the feeling that it allows him to feel closer to Cullen that way.

When we first move in, mom hovers around me, waiting for a massive breakdown. And while I do cry and I do miss Cullen, I make sure not to do anything that will prompt mom to start packing.

I talk to Darrel to learn of ways I can healthily handle grief.

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