Page 200 of Fiery Romance

“It’s too late, Taz. You’ve already shown me who you are and I can’t pretend like I haven’t seen it.” I cup his cheek. “I wish you the best, but I’m not going to marry you.”

My eyes swerve away from my grandmother’s. “I just… don’t want to embarrass him.”

“The truth, bumblebee.” Gran gives me a side-eye that, when we were younger, meant me and my brothers were in trouble.

I clear my throat and look to Grampa for help.

He folds his arms over his chest. “You heard her.”

I shift in the bed, trying to find the words. “Do you remember when I was younger and the kids used to make fun of me for my dark skin and acne?”

“You would cry in my arms so many times.”

“Humph.” Grampa sits next to me and the bed dips. “They were jealous. All of them. They wished they were as pretty and smart as my grandbaby.”

I smile slightly. “I started playing with makeup because I wanted to fit in. I wanted people to like me. I didn’t like being alone.” I pick at my nails. “Losing my parents and traveling all over the world made me feel like something was missing. Some kind of stability. My dream was to belong somewhere. I wanted to put roots down. I wanted a family. I wanted someone who would befor me. You know? After all I’d been through, I just wanted normal.”

“And Taz was normal for you?”

“He was the dream. The high school sweetheart. The promise of marriage and a dog and a white-picket fence.”

“Sounds boring,” Grampa mutters.

Gran nudges him with her elbow.

I laugh and then grow sober again. “The way Clay made me feel… it wasn’t normal. It was intense. Everything about him. He made me feel like I was being hooked up to an electric fence. At first, we clashed at every turn. And then I started seeing his tender side. The way he was with Regan and Abe. The way he kept looking out for the people he loved. His methods are as strong as he is, but his heart is always in the right place.”

“You fell for him,” Gran whispers, pushing my hair back.

“There was nothing I could do to protect myself. No way to keep from dancing closer to the edge. I thought I was being smart about it though. I thought I wouldn’t go too deep.”

Grampa makes a sound, but Gran shushes him with a look and he quiets.

“Before I knew it, I’d lost my mind, my heart, everything.” My throat pulls tight like a hoodie closing in on itself. “It scared me.Hescared me.”

“What do you mean?”

“He was just, everywhere.” I frown. “Meeting every need I had. Barging in to places I didn’t ask him to. He helped me before I could even admit I needed help, and he went further than anyone would expect.”

“Those sound like amazing things.”

“Amazing doesn’t last,” I mutter. “It burns hot and passionate and then it dies.”

“Not all the time,” Gran argues.

“But I don’t want amazing, Gran. I want safe. I want normal. I want predictable. I want—”

“A guy you can control, not one who you think will control you.”

I press my hand into my lap and dig into my skirt. “I lose my senses when I’m with him. I lose myself. I can feel it. The urge to give him everything he wants.”

“Island, if a man is giving you all of himself, don’t you think you can trust him with all of you?”

I glance away.

“If you had to choose between someone who holds himself back and someone who gives his all, isn’t it better to choose the one who’s more committed?” Gran pats my back. “I understand that you like familiarity and the status quo. And I also understand that the way we grew you up contributes to that—”

“Gran.”

---