How long had it been since I did everyday things? Since I let myself just enjoy life?
Before I went into the military. That was the answer. After deployment, I’d never really returned to American life like I’d known it before.
Now that I was a civilian, I felt guilty doing normal things. I guess part of me was still over there. Being in a combat zone, even when the risk was low, took a toll on you. I was still in protective mode, unable to sleep or relax. No matter how many times I told myself otherwise, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was in danger. That at any time, the worst could happen.
“Thank you,” she said.
Her words pulled me out of my dark thoughts. But that was nothing compared to the warmth in her eyes as she looked at me. I saw it as compassion, even though I knew it had nothing to do with that. She was thanking me for something.
“For what?” I asked. “You’re the one who made this delicious mug cake.”
I tilted my mug to show her it was completely empty. I’d wiped it clean.
“For rescuing me from the lodge,” she said. “I needed this. The past couple of days, my whole world has been the competition. It made it easy to believe it mattered a little more than it does. Does that make sense?”
I nodded. “It’s all about perspective. Coming back here from overseas taught me that much.”
Her eyebrows arched. “You were deployed?”
She was impressed. I’d gotten that reaction before, even though I didn’t feel like it was something that should earn me any rewards. I’d signed up, done my duty, and come back. That was how it worked.
“Just one tour,” I said. “But it definitely makes you look at things differently.”
That was an understatement. It wasn’t a good thing. It would be far better to have kept the wide-eyed innocence I had as a boy. I might not have had the perfect childhood, but after witnessing the suffering outside of this little bubble, I couldn’t complain about anything that had ever happened to me. Or ever would.
“Yeah, I guess losing a competition is nothing compared to what some people go through. First-world problems, right?”
I shook my head. “I don’t believe in dismissing anybody’s complaints. You have a dream. But I would argue that even if you don’t win the competition tomorrow, you can still make your dream happen.”
A gentle smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. She was beautiful. Stunning. I could stare at her for hours. Little things—the way her eyes seemed to sparkle when she talked about baking. The way her two front teeth overlapped slightly—a small imperfection that made her all the more interesting to look at.
“Maybe I could open a store selling mug cakes,” she said with a smile. “Or a food truck.”
I laughed. “You’d spend more on mugs than you’d make.”
“Good point.” She frowned. “I guess there’s no way to do that in a to-go cup.”
“It wouldn’t be the same,” I said.
“A pastry shop near a fountain.” She nodded, closing her eyes. “I’m visualizing it right now. It’s in that shopping center near downtown. A little alley with shops.”
“That’s my understanding of what the Shoppes at Brighton Village is going to be.”
“But in the center of all the shops is a big fountain,” she continued. “There are places that sell dog clothing, maybe a coffee shop or two.”
Lord knew we could use a coffee shop. I didn’t need fancy coffee—probably wouldn’t buy it even if we had a place—but the tourists would.
Her eyes popped open. “There, I visualized it. That means it’s going to happen, right?”
I gave a nod. “What else do you visualize for your future?”
She stared at me for a long moment, thinking through her answer. Meanwhile, I was thinking through my own. Where did I see myself in a few years? Ten years? Twenty? Still working on the logging crew? Coming home every night to an empty cabin after dinner at the lodge?
That had never bothered me before, but suddenly, a life that never seemed lonely before felt hollow. And I knew it had everything to do with meeting Willow.
Fuck, I was in deep, and I didn’t see an easy way out. She’d already gotten into my heart, and I hadn’t even gotten her into my bed yet.
5