Page 34 of The Lair

“Doxing is a crime,” she reminds me. “Nobody will reveal your location. Not that they have any way to find you in the first place.”

I should’ve left Bannport when I had the chance. What if it’s too late now?

As if she could read my mind, Jada says, “Don’t run away, Allie. Not again.” There’s a frustrated edge to her voice I haven’t heard in a long time. “If you leave, you let your parents win. They don’t deserve to have control over your independent adult life after everything they put you through.”

At this point, my entire body is shaking so hard, I have to lower myself to the floor and sit down. “Jada…”

“No, Allie.No. I love you, and every time you run away, you hurt yourself a little more. Tell me I’m wrong.”

I can’t.

I can’t tell her that because we both know she isn’t.

“People have talked about you and your family before, remember? When…when the warehouse happened, and then after you stopped appearing on their social media. Nothing happened then, and nothing will happen now. They’ll move on soon. It’s natural for people to bring up your name when something so similar happens, but you’re not in danger again.”

Jada has always been my voice of reason, a life raft I can cling to when the tides threaten to drown me. She was there for me at my worst, as my teacher and as the only responsible adult in my life. I owe her everything, and I know she’s right about this. But anxiety knows no reason, no boundaries, and so I keep spiraling.

“Why are you running away, Allie? What’s the point?”

My eyes fall on my running shoes, and a shaky laugh escapes me at the irony of it all. No matter how fast I try to get away, my thoughts and memories are always there, ready to punish me.

“I just wanted to get away,” I mutter. “From my family, my past, everything.”

“I get that, and I don’t blame you for it,” she says. “But why do you keep doing it?”

It hurts to swallow. “I’m not running away now.”

“But you’re thinking about it.”

“It’s just…” I let out another shaky breath, pulling my knees against my chest. “I just want to live a calm, happy life, away from everything. I don’t want to get caught up in drama. I just want to be left alone, Jada, and this media attention could ruin that.”

“Oh, honey. You deserve a calm, happy life more than anyone else I know. And youwillget it. But sometimes we need to be a bit brave in order to get what we want. You should take this article as a wake-up call and start living your life unafraid of the future,” she says. “Worrying and running away won’t fix anything. You’ve been doing that since you left California, and it didn’t change this outcome. It won’t stop people from talking about your case. So you might as well start living that calm, happy life now, Allie. Live your life foryou.”

“I don’t know how to do that,” I confess quietly.

“And that’s okay, but it’s time to figure it out. Step-by-step.”

Living without fear. I must have done it at one point, but I don’t remember what it feels like anymore.

Not after the warehouse.

Chapter Eleven

Age 12

The sun was shiningthe day I got kidnapped.

I remember every detail from that day—the three pancakes I had for breakfast, my little brother’s temper tantrum before leaving for school that morning, the A-plus I got on my math test, and Marie complaining about her ruined skirt on our way out of school.

“I’ll make my mom send her the dry-cleaning bill, I swear,” she seethed, staring at the white yogurt stain on the front of her pleated skirt.

Eloise had accidentally knocked it over during lunch—and profusely apologized—but Marie couldn’t let it go.

“Yogurt stains can’t be that hard to remove,” I offered lamely.

The truth was, I had never washed my own clothes, so I had no idea how stains were removed. I just didn’t want her to feel bad.

But Marie kept cursing Eloise while trying to remove the stain with her nails. Under the scorching summer sun, I tuned her out and kept walking down the stairs that separated the main school building from the parking lot—and I smiled to myself, knowing nobody was waiting for me.

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