Page 14 of The Lair

Mortification settles in when I realize my underwear is ruined too. But there’s no way in hell I’m asking my boss to buy me pantiesof all things, so I guess I’m going commando for the rest of my shift. It wouldn’t be the worst thing I’ve endured.

“What kind of tampons?” he asks, making me die a little bit inside.

I know periods are normal and not something to be ashamed of, and I agree. Truly. It took me many years to come to terms with this, and it was only thanks to Jada’s multiple interventions. But the damage my mother did to my experience with periods isn’t fully gone, which is why I wince at Travis’s words and wish there was literally anyone else in this supply closet with me right now.

“Travis, you really don’t need to?—”

“Regular ones?”

I swallow back my embarrassment. Well, then. “Yes. Thank you.”

“What size leggings do you wear?”

This definitely beats the spilling-soda-on-a-child moment.

My throat is so dry, my voice comes out a little raspy. “Medium.”

He doesn’t give me time to object, to insist that he doesn’t have to do this. He simply says, “I’ll be back in fifteen. Stay here if you want.” And then leaves.

I don’t have time to overthink what just happened because Sandra, one of our cooks and Jude’s wife, pops her head into the supply closet and gives me one of her motherly smiles.

“Oh, dear. Are you okay? Travis said you needed me.”

Travis said what now?

I smile back at Sandra because I may be a mess right now, but I love this woman to death. “I had a little accident.”

She stays with me for the time it takes Travis to come back, distracting me with stories about her one-year-old grandson.

I know where the conversation is heading before she asks. And when she does, I try my best to keep all the muscles on my face and body relaxed.

“Where were you from again, dear? I keep forgetting.”

I love Sandra and Jude with all I’ve got. Not only because they make the best hamburgers in town, but also because they are always there for me when I need them. Ran out of gas? They will lend me their car for a whole week if I ask. Can’t afford groceries? They will stock up my fridge until I get back on my feet.

They are some of the most generous people I have ever met, rivaling Jada and her husband, Paul, which is why lying to her makes me feel like the worst person alive.

“California.”

That’s not a lie.

“And how’s your family doing? Are they coming to visit soon?”

“They’re doing well.” My smile doesn’t waver as I picture Jada and Paul. They aren’t the people she’s asking about, but they are the only ones I consider my family. “Work keeps them busy, but we talk often.”

“Being busy with work is always good.” Her eyes wrinkle with her sincere smile, making the nausea in my stomach rise to my throat. “Our son is busy, too, but we’re hoping to visit next month.”

The change of direction in our conversation makes breathing easier.

“Going to the big city, huh? Are you sure Jude is ready for all those people speeding down the street, pretending to have somewhere important to be?” I tease her, knowing how her husband isn’t a fan of crowds. He loves small-town life a bit too much, and I don’t blame him because I do too.

She pushes back her glasses and sends me a playful look. “If he isn’t, I’ll make him.”

I laugh at that, imagining poor Jude being dragged through the Boston streets by his wife.

Their love is what I’ve always imagined for myself before reality hit me square in the face. Someone I could joke with, someone to hold me when I needed to crumble, someone to create a loving home with. Someone with a kind heart and good intentions. But that future isn’t for me, and I have to come to terms with that.

No one deserves to be with a liar.

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