Page 128 of The Lair

For the next five weeks, I stick to a firm routine—runs in the mornings, daily video chat with my therapist, meal prep, and quality time with Jada and Paul.

For the next five weeks, I only do things that I enjoy. I fight against the guilt of what I did to my parents, the regret of not having lived for myself before, and the nightmares that have gone nowhere.

For the next five weeks, I relearn how to live.

And I listen. Not to my self-deprecating thoughts, not to online forums, not even to Jada and Paul.

I listen to myself.

There’s something to be said about selfishness. Why is it considered self-centered to have boundaries? Why would it make me a bad person to say no or to refuse certain things and accept others? Why is loving oneself andshowing itso frowned upon sometimes?

So, for the next five weeks, I become selfish—if that’s what it means to start living for myself. Personally, I’d call it authenticity.

And it’s that authenticity, that refusal to waste any more time, that desire to follow my heart, which leads me to the living room five weeks after Travis left for Bannport.

Jada and Paul are watching a romcom hours after dinner when I walk in.

Paul pauses the TV. “Everything all right?”

“I thought you’d be asleep,” Jada says.

“I’m leaving,” I announce.

Silence.

“I want to go back to Maine.”

More silence.

I want my life back.

No.

I want to build a new life from the ground up. A life that feels authentic this time.

I know I haven’t healed in five weeks. I doubt I’ll heal in fiveyears—and I’m okay with that. I’ve also learned to be patient with myself, and I’m ready to take on the challenge of self-growth.

“I’m tired of waiting around for everything to be perfect and under control to start living the life I deserve. So, I… I’m leavingtomorrow. To Bannport. Because that’s where I want to be,” I tell them.

Jada swallows. “Are you sure?”

“I love you both. So much. You’re my family, and nothing and no one will keep me away from you anymore—not even myself. I’ll come back to visit you. But I want to leave. I want to go back to Travis and my friends. I’m never hiding again.”

Because this ismylife. And as cheesy as it sounds, I only have this one, and I’m done wasting it obsessing over how unfair my past was or how little control I have over my future.

I deserve to move on, and I’m tired of waiting tobeready. Ifeelready, and that’s enough. It doesn’t mean I’ll stop going to therapy or that I won’t have bad days. But I was abused, and I told my story because I had every right to. Society needs to have a conversation about online safety for children, and I’ll never understand why I was among those who had to initiate it, but I’m done wondering.

I deserved to speak out. Everything I said was my truth, and I don’t regret a single word.

“You have helped me grow into the confident woman who has been hiding inside me all along,” I continue. “I could never thank you enough for protecting and loving me. So yes, Jada, I’m sure. I’m very sure. I’m ready to start again.”

She’s the first one to get up from the couch and hug me tight, tighter than she ever has before. Paul follows her, holding us both, and a thought crosses my mind.

My parents didn’t ruin my life.

Yes, what I went through was horrible. Yes, the abuse I was put through should’ve never happened. And yes, not every bad situation needs to have a meaning or lesson behind it.

But I choose to see it this way.

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