Page 118 of Bad at Love

“I’ve never felt this before. Nothing even remotely close to it. The way I felt when you left, it was… crushing. In a completely different way than being left at the altar and then having my parents disown me.”

“Gabriel…”

“Let me finish.” I nod, and he keeps going. “It took a while to understand what was going on, and why it was so hard when you left.” He looks up at me, his grey eyes bright with unshed tears. “I’ve never truly loved someone until I met you, Storm.” Fuck, my heart… “I thought I did, because my parents and brothers are people I should have loved, and so I thought that’s what it was. But being with you, even as a friend, it’s… You’ve allowed me to be myself, you accepted me for who I am. You made melaugh and calmed me down and supported me. It’s okay if you don’t want this with me, but I need you to know that I do. That I want to be with you. That I loveyouand everything about you. And I want to make us a home together and a life, and I promise to nevereverleave you because I know how much that will hurt you and I don’t want to hurt you, Storm.”

A tear slips free from his eye and he wipes it away. It makes me so fucking angry with myself. Really sad too. I don’t want him upset. I like when he’s happy and smiling and being his weird self.

“This is all so much for me,” he continues. “I have no idea what I’m doing or how to do it, and you’ll have to keep being patient with me, but my god, you are so patient with me already that I think you can do it. But this isn’t just about me and what I want, but what you want. And I’m sorry if this is scaring you, but I have to be honest. I promised myself I would do that. And so, here I am, spilling my guts to you and probably looking like a psycho because I need you to know how I feel.” He looks up at me, eyes wide. “I love you. I am so sure about it that it makes me sick. I love everything about you. I love the way you make me feel. I love how we are together. I love making breakfast for you. And my god, I really love having sex with you.”

I huff out a laugh, ducking my head.

Those words… I expected them to scare the shit out of me. I anticipated running for the hills when someone said that to me, but it isn’t how I feel at all.

“Storm…” I look up, feeling my own eyes watering. “It’s okay if you don’t feel the same. I don’t want to make you feel bad. I needed to do this for myself.”

I need to say something, need to tell him how I feel too, but my throat is so tight words won’t come out.

“I’m not trying to guilt you. You need to do what’s best for you, but I just have to be honest. Lay all the cards out,” he adds.

I open my mouth, but it snaps shut. I clear my throat, but the lump is still there the size of a grapefruit.

Gabriel gives me a small, sad smile, then gets to his feet and moves toward the stairs, but I get up too and grab his arm.

“No,” I finally growl out. “You do not get to walk away from me.” My words are so raspy, but I pull Gabriel to me, wrapping my arms around him and burying my face in his neck. Tears actually fall now, but when his arms come around me, they really fucking fall. I sob like a baby against him. All the while, he soothes me with soft words, running his hands along my back and rocking us side to side.

Eventually, I pull myself together. “I’m sorry,” I manage to say as I pull back.

He wipes the tears from my face. “For what?” he asks.

“Everything.” I shrug. “For being so broken inside, but acting so strong on the outside. It wasn’t fair to you.”

“I think we’re all a little broken on the inside,” he says. “And I’m okay with that. You helped me see that my broken things weren’t as ugly as I was always told, and Storm?” I look up to meet his eyes, wanting to respond verbally, but I can’t. “I’m going to do the same for you.”

Tears fall again, and I feel like such an idiot. I can’t even keep my shit together.

Gabriel pulls me in for a hug again, and it feels so good to have someone care. Someone who just gets it and actually cares that I’m not okay. Someone who knows that I’m not okay, even though I act like I am and have for years.

When I get myself together again, I take in a deep breath and use my shirt to wipe my face free of tears. I clear my throat and say, “I want to stay here with you, Gabriel. I want a life with you. I’m sorry it took me to leave to admit it. I have a lot of shit to work on, especially after my mom and…”

“I’m here for you.”

I nod. “I know.”

He smiles at me, and I smile back. I lean in to kiss him because I can’t help it, and when I pull back, I grip his face making sure he’s looking right into my eyes.

“I love you too.”

His eyes widen, and I give the smallest nod. “I do. I love you, and it scared the hell out of me. But I don’t want to live my life like that anymore. I want to be with you. I want us to have a life together.”

The sigh of relief that leaves him is almost comical. “I am so glad to hear you say that. I was freaking out.”

I chuckle, hugging him again.

“I have one question though,” I say.

“What?” he asks.

“You said you wouldn’t leave me.” He nods carefully, and so I say, “Even if I forget to put the toilet seat down?”

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