Page 66 of Bad at Love

As time goes by, I grow more and more worried, not sure I can leave him like this. What if he’s suicidal or something? I don’t know him well enough to know how he gets, to know his mental state, but I have witnessed some serious mood swings, panic attacks, and breakdowns. Depression could be lingering in there somewhere. How the hell am I supposed to know? I’ll have to cancel my flight. Or change it. I still have time to get to the wedding if I get one first thing in the morning. If not, Dom will have to understand. If Gabriel tried hurting himself because I left… I can’t live with that. I just can’t.

The room is dark, quiet, nothing but our soft breathing and my hand brushing through his hair.

“Why are they so cruel?” he whispers.

“I wish I had an answer for you.”

“I just… want to be good enough.”

“You are good enough,” I say. “Youare.”

“No, I’m not.”

This is one of those things that I can’t argue. If I go back and forth, he’s just going to buckle down and argue more. He believes he isn’t good enough, and that’s his family’s fault. I can’t change his mind just by telling him that he is when he’s had years and years of it being drilled into his head that he isn’t. This won’t be fixed overnight. This is something he’s going to have to work hard at.

I turn his head to face me, running my finger along his jaw.

“Just because they don’t think you’re good enough, doesn’t mean you aren’t, Gabriel.”

He searches my eyes before saying, “I used to think you were a jerk. That you didn’t care about anything and had no respect, but I was wrong.”

I smile. “Being wrong is okaythistime.”

He smiles back, biting on his bottom lip. “What are we doing?” he asks.

“Whatever you want,” I answer.

“I don’t know what I want anymore,” he says, eyes falling closed.

“Did you ever?” He frowns, his eyes fluttering back open. “I’m not trying to be rude, Gabriel, but it seems your whole life has been planned and forced by your parents. Have you ever taken the time to think about what you want?”

“Fleetingly.”

Fleetingly? Who the hell says that?

“I have an idea,” I say. When he doesn’t say anything, I keep going. “Come with me this weekend.”

“No, I can’t.” His answer is way too quick.

“Why not?”

“Because I have work, and the house is here, and—”

“Well, the house is going to be fine without you. No offense, but houses can be alone for some time. And work? Do not tell me you don’t have sick time, because I know you’re lying.”

“But I’m not sick.”

I grin. “Exactly.”

He frowns deeper.

“Come on, Gabriel. Live a little. It’ll be fun. Play hooky from work, come away for the weekend with me. My friends would love to have you. It’ll be great.”

I don’t tell him I’d already asked them if I could bring someone, because I had planned on asking him sooner. Each time I thought about it, I lost the confidence to do so, knowing he was going to shoot me down. And I didn’t want to freak him out by moving too fast.

“I don’t know…”

“You need to think about what you wanna do with your life, Gabriel. It’s a big decision. If you want to fix things with your family, do what they want you to do, cool. It’s your choice. Do I think you should do that? Absolutely not. But either way, you need to figure this out. It’s a lot to process and after tonight, jumping back into your normal routine isn’t going to help you. You have to stop hiding from your problems.”

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