Page 29 of Reckless Hearts

She needs to surf at Maui Pipe, and I am not going to be the reason she can’t.

So instead of sending the message, I delete my words, replacing them with something that isn’t going to fuck everything up.

Me: I should let you sleep. See you later.

Her response is to like the message, no words sent back to me, no goodnight from her end, and I can’t help but wonder if maybe I’ve already fucked everything up.

Fuck my life.

How the hell do I end up with the one guy on the island that I’m not supposed to be with? And he’s a guy who is so damn perfect that it makes me sick. He has literally consumed my every thought since he admitted to me who he is and why we can’t be together.

You always want what you can’t have.

I look at his message again, wondering if I should reply. I’ve typed out a million different messages back, none of them are what I should be doing, but rather what I want to do.

I let out a hard sigh, dropping my phone next to me on the bed. Pushing my palms against my eyes, I try to rid Flynn from my memory, but holy shit, if he’s not seared into my brain like a fucking core memory now.

A beam of moonlight shines through my bedroom window and I listen to the chirping of the crickets in the night, a breeze blowing through the open window. The smell of the ocean fills the room and again I sigh hard, the smell reminding me of Flynn. The ocean is forever ruined by him.

That’s a little dramatic, but I’m feeling dramatic tonight, which is why I can’t possibly text him. I’ll say all the things I want to say, and I’ll find myself sneaking out of the house and into his bed.

Grabbing for my phone, I look at his message again. It’s final and not at all like the Flynn I met on the beach. It’s him telling me he’s keeping me at arm’s length, and I really should take that as a hint, but it’s so damn hard.

“Go to sleep,” I mutter to myself, knowing I have to be up soon to train. But the room feels like it’s closing in on me, like there isn’t enough air to breathe. And I hate that I still want him.

I must fall asleep because the next thing I know, my phone alarm is playing, startling me awake. It feels like I’ve slept for ten minutes, and there’s a possibility I did.

When I walk out into the kitchen, Daisy is already at the table, a pot of coffee brewed and ready for us. Grabbing a cup, I sit down across from her, again with the hard sigh. It feels like it’s become my thing now, hard sighing at the mess I’ve created.

I want to tell her, but I find myself shying away from admitting it. Not that I don’t trust Daisy because I do. I trust her with everything in me, having been friends for so long. It’s just that the more people that know, the easier it is for the gossip to get out. It can be something simple like her telling Miles or Kai or Nate that Flynn was over at our house or that I was out surfing with him.

Simple.

Unassuming.

But it could blow up in my face. It could blow up in Flynn’s too, causing problems for not only him but Jade. I never wantto be the reason someone isn’t able to compete, and following through on my feelings for Flynn could lead to that.

“Hey, good morning,” Daisy says, whipping her dark hair up into a messy pile on top of her head. “Heard there’s double overhead at Ma’alaea Bay, but I don’t think we have time for that today.”

“Yeah, probably not. I’ve got work today and surf school later. I was thinking I’d go for a run this morning and then maybe you and I can just go out.” It’s more of a suggestion than anything. Even though Daisy is up, that doesn’t mean she’s down for helping me. I don’t ever want her or Sloane to feel like they have to help me train.

“Of course. No other place I’d rather be,” she says sweetly. “I’m really glad you changed your mind about Maui Pipe. Not that I want to keep bringing Mitch up, and as much as he would have been disappointed in you, I want you to do this for yourself. So you know how much of a badass you are.”

“Thanks.” The word comes out quietly, my head still all messed up from this shit with Flynn, but I need to get it back together. Anyway, my focus should be on Maui Pipe.

“What’s the plan today?” It’s Sloane’s groggy voice that comes from behind us, and she flops down in a chair, tucking her legs underneath her.

“Why are you up so early?” I ask. Sloane’s head now resting on the table.

“Maui Pipe,” she mutters. “Training. You think I’m going to let you go out without any help?”

I smile at her when she looks up at me, her lids still heavy with sleep and I wonder how late she was up studying.

Sloane is the most self-driven person I know, going to school, working, helping me train, helping with the surf school, all while knowing she has the world completely against her. It’s been that way her whole life and she just keeps fighting back.

“I’m going to go for a run and then why don’t we just hit the beach here. I have to be at work by nine,” I tell them, and Daisy nods.

“I have class and then my shift at Orchid Bay,” Sloane adds. “I’m so fucking tired.” Her words come out absentmindedly as if she doesn’t even realize she’s said them.

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