“I’m glad I got to spend this time with her. Thank you.”
“Of course,” I said, taking a deep breath to steel my nerves for what I had to say next. “You’re welcome here any time.”
Wide eyes met mine briefly but then looked away. Shit, had I gone too far?
“I guess I should probably head home.” I wasn’t ready for her to leave, but I wasn’t sure asking her to stay was a good idea either. Instead of offering to walk her out, I stood there dumbly as she went to the door and pulled it open. She turned and looked at me one last time. “It was good to see you, Vance.”
The click of the door shutting behind her finally broke something loose inside my brain that told me to go after her. I couldn’t let her leave without saying all the things I’d been holding in for the last six months.
She was almost to her car when I swung the door open and called her name. She halted but didn’t turn to face me. I could see her shoulders rise and fall as she heaved several deep breaths. Was her heart pounding like mine was?
I hopped off the porch and jogged to where she stood, stopping a few feet away. “Don’t go yet.” My voice was low and pleading. All I wanted was for her to turn and look at me. When she finally did, it nearly broke me. Her eyes were misted over with tears, a sadness shining in the bright blue depths that sent a pang straight through my heart. I’d done that to her.
“Delilah,” I whispered, and her eyes fell shut at the sound of her name falling from my lips. “I don’t know what to say. I’m afraid I’m going to mess this up, but if I don’t tell you now, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.” The words came out in a rush, fueled by panic and desperation to keep her close.
She sucked in a sharp breath, but she didn’t turn away. She didn’t look like she was about to run for the hills, so I kept going.
“I’ve thought about you every single day for the last six months. Not a day goes by that I don’t hate myself for hurting you the way I did. And you were right. I wasn’t ready for what was happening between us. I had a lot of shit to work through,” I admitted, scrubbing a hand over my face. “I didn’t let myself grieve. Instead, I got lost in you. You made me feel something again. You made me feel loved and wanted, and you soothed the broken pieces of my soul. And I let you, even though it wasn’t your job.”
A single tear slid down her cheek, and she wiped it away.
“But that wasn’t all of it. Even though your presence granted me a reprieve from the pain, it was so much more than that. What I felt for you was real. I still wanted to wake up and see your smiling face every morning and hold you at night until you fell asleep.” I took a step closer. When she didn’t retreat, I risked another and then another until we were separated by less than a foot.
“There will always be a special place in my heart for Sarah,” I confessed, and her eyes fell closed again, her chin trembling. I placed my finger under her chin and rubbed it with my thumb until those baby blues popped open again. “But you’re the woman who consumes my every waking thought, the one who haunts my dreams and makes me want to be a better man.”
I wanted to reach out and pull her to my chest, but I was afraid to scare her off. This was the most we’d spoken since December and I didn’t want to risk touching her in case it was too much, too fast.
“I’ve waited one hundred and eighty-seven days to tell you how I feel. I’ll wait another one hundred and eighty-seven more if that’s how long it takes for you to give me another chance. Hell, I'll wait a thousand if I have to. But I want you. I want only you. You are myfirstchoice, my everything. I am completely at your mercy.”
I was panting, my chest rising and falling rapidly by the time I finished pouring my heart out. Delilah’s wide-eyed expression and stunned silence had me doubting that she appreciated my candor.
In a flash, her lips were on mine, her hands cupping my face as she pressed her body against me. My arm instinctively came around her waist, holding her to me as I speared my free hand into her hair. Her lips parted, and I deepened the kiss, pouring the last six months of yearning into it. My hand fisted in the back of her dress as I clung to her. Our tongues danced as I tasted every delicious corner of her mouth.
“Come back inside,” I breathed against her lips when we finally came up for air. Her eyes bounced between mine hesitantly, so I added hurriedly, “to talk. We don’t have to do anything but talk,” I assured her. Although I would have done anything she asked me to at that moment.
“Okay,” she agreed and slipped her hand into mine. I led her inside and closed the door behind us. Once we were locked inside, I pressed her against the door, needing another taste. I was dying to lift her into my arms so she could wrap her legs around me and feel how badly I wanted her, but I was determined to take things slow this time.
“God, I’ve missed you,” I confessed, nuzzling her neck.
“I’ve missed you too.” Her words were like music to my ears. I pressed a kiss to her shoulder and stepped back, giving her some breathing room. Lacing my fingers through hers, I led her to the kitchen. She hadn’t eaten much at dinner, so I sliced each of us a piece of cake and we took a seat at the island. And we talked. For over an hour, we talked about what we’d been up to since seeing each other last. I confessed to sitting outside Darla’s house waiting for her to leave, and she admitted she’d known I was there the whole time.
I told her about the grief counseling and visiting Sarah’s grave and how at peace I felt after talking to her. She talked about her friends and how she’d finally confided in them about what happened to her the night Charlie was conceived. They all knew about me and our connection and how things went wrong. I told her that I’d finally gone through Sarah’s things.
What I didn’t tell her was that I’d sat amongst the piles of her clothes and wept like a baby as I sorted through the items, trying to decide what to donate and what to keep for Charlie. Sarah’s wedding dress was now in a box in the attic, preserved for Charlie to wear one day if she chose to. It had felt like throwing away the years we’d spent together at first, like I was trying to forget her. But Charlie reminded me that we could never forget Sarah. We had her memories in our hearts and her pictures in our photo albums.
Charlie and I talked about Sarah all the time so I could keep her memory alive. But at some point, we had to move on. We couldn’t dwell on the past and relive the heartache of losing her. There was a future for us. We were still here, still breathing, and we owed it to Sarah to make the most of this life.
It was hard to imagine that at this time last year I couldn’t think of anything other than surviving. I was living life one day at a time, just trying to make sure my daughter was happy and healthy. I was a shell of the man I used to be, destined to spend the rest of his days alone. But now, there was Delilah, and I could see a future with her. She’d pulled me from the darkest pits of despair and showed me there was still so much life left to live. And I wanted her to be a part of it.
There was one last thing I had to tell her before asking her to take this chance with me. She needed to know I would always be on her side, that I’d always protect her, and aside from Charlie, she was my number one priority.
“I know about what my mom said to you that day,” I began, and her entire body went deathly still. “And I want you to know that she will never treat you that way again. She’s aware that if she ever disrespects you or hurts you in any way, that she will be out of our lives.”
“Vance,” she began, my name leaving her mouth on a whisper, “you didn’t have to—”
“I did,” I insisted. There was no way we could move forward the way I wanted to with the possibility of my mother interfering in our future hanging over our heads. Her eyes searched mine, tears brimming on her lashes as they filled with appreciation.
“I want us to have a fresh start,” I said, reaching for her hands. “To go on dates and talk on the phone until all hours of the night. I know it will be like going backward, but that was something we never got to do.” She looked contemplative, her mouth twisted to one side as she considered what I said. “We skipped the going out and getting to know each other part and—”