Page 21 of Twisted Fate

“I wanted to explain,” he began, holding out the paper in question. “I’m sure you saw this and wondered why it was in my pocket.”

I schooled my features, letting the blank mask I perfected in the months following my assault slide into place. It had been a long time since I’d needed to use it, but this situation warranted it. “No,” I replied simply. “What’s on that paper is none of my business.”

He winced as though my words pained him. It wasn’t the reaction I was expecting. “I met her at the bar Friday night. My friends encouraged me to take her number, but nothing happened. I wasn’t even going to call her.”

“You don’t owe me an explanation.”

“But I feel like I do. Sarah has only been gone five months.” His Adam’s apple bobbed, and he glanced away as sorrow washed over his features. “I’m not ready for something like this,” he said, waving the paper between us. “Even if I was, it wouldn’t be with her.” He held up the paper between his first and middle finger, but his eyes stayed locked on mine.

It was on the tip of my tongue to ask who itwouldbe with, but instead I clamped my mouth shut. I had no reason to ask that question. None at all.

“Okay.” That was all I could manage to get out. His eyes pleaded for me to believe him, and I did. I believed he wasn’t done grieving or ready for a relationship. But in time, he would be. And I’d be happy for him. I had to keep believing that.

* * *

Awkward discomfort taintedour interactions Friday morning. All I got from Vance was a nod and a few grunts before he muttered his goodbyes as he left for work.

I couldn’t blame him for being grumpy. He probably thought I didn’t believe him about the woman’s number and now pinned him as a heartless cad. On top of that, he’d gone nearly half a year now without sex. I couldn’t relate seeing as my libido was nearly non-existent, but I was an anomaly. Besides, he was a man. Men had needs, right?

Suddenly, my aforementioned libido poked its head out of the hole it had been hiding in and made its presence known. It was something I noticed happening more and more as thoughts of Vance crossed my mind. I needed to put a stop to it. Nothing could ever happen between us. Things were already too complicated as it was.

20

Vance

I couldn’t wrapmy head around the sense of dejection that plagued me on my way to work. For some reason, it unnerved me that Delilah thought I’d intentionally kept that woman’s number. Her disappointment was palpable, not just the other night, but this morning too. I hadn’t been able to look her in the eye, and damn if that didn’t make me appear even more guilty.

It shouldn’t have mattered. Like Delilah said, I didn’t owe her an explanation, and it wasn’t any of her business what I did in my personal life, but I cared what she thought. Sometime over the last couple months, I’d begun to value her opinion, not just as the person who cared for my child, but as a friend. It was odd to think of her that way, but wasn’t that what she’d become? She recognized I was struggling to keep up with my responsibilities around the house—mainly grocery shopping and cooking something other than chicken nuggets and frozen pizza for dinner—and began to help without being asked. She helped Darla plan to have the guys force me out of my shell and back into society for a weekend of fun. That was what friends did. They picked you up when you were at your lowest and helped you stand on your own two feet again.

I was slowly starting to see what kind of person she was—kind, caring, selfless—and it made me thankful she’d been willing to fulfill the role of Charlie’s nanny without being asked. It must’ve taken so much strength for her to volunteer to teach and care for the child she’d given up, especially after years of not seeing her. She clearly loved Charlie. Anyone who saw them together could see that.

I’d kept Delilah at arm’s length this whole time, partly because she looked so much like Sarah, but also because I was afraid to let her get too close. I worried she’d try to take Charlie from me, but now that I knew her a little better, I could never see her doing something like that. Charlie had a good life, and I was the only father she’d ever known. Delilah would never do anything to hurt her or uproot her life. I realized that now.

* * *

“I don’t knowwhat to do. She just up and quit!” My mother’s sobs filled the other end of the line. “I don’t have anyone else to work that day. I’m going to have to close the shop on Tuesdays until I can get someone hired.”

It had been a month since Charlie started therapy, and my mother had taken her to all but one of her sessions. Now that summer break was a couple weeks away, the college student she’d hired part-time had just put in her notice.

“I’m not sure she’ll even show up for her last few shifts,” Mom lamented. “She’s never missed work before but has been coming in late the past couple weeks, so I don’t know that I can count on her.”

“Maybe she’s just burned out from school and ready to start summer break,” I replied as I inwardly scrambled to find a solution. I didn’t want my mom to have to close her shop and miss out on a whole day’s worth of business. But if she couldn’t watch Charlie on Tuesdays and take her to therapy, I’d have to take the day off and completely rearrange my work schedule. Plus, I’d fall behind unless I worked late every other night of the week.

Another option began to take shape, and I wondered if it would even work. “I might have a possible solution,” I began, and she urged me to continue. “I don’t know if she’ll be able to, but I can ask Delilah to take on an extra day.”

She was silent for a beat, and I thought we’d been disconnected until I heard her clear her throat. “I’m not sure that’s such a good idea,” she replied, seeming to choose her words carefully.

“Why not?”

“Well, it’s just that…” she began, her tone hesitant and placating as though I wouldn’t like what she was about to say. “She seems to be getting a little too comfortable there already.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to suppress an annoyed sigh. “What does that even mean, Mom? She’s the nanny. She’s supposed to be comfortable here.”

“I didn’t want to say anything,” she began, using that annoyingly gentle voice again, “but I get this feeling she wants to be more than just the nanny, like she’s trying to replace Sarah.”

“That’s ridiculous,” I scoffed, but guilt welled up in my chest. I’d had those same suspicions too, but they were born from fear and insecurity, so I’d brushed them off. Had my mother seen something I’d missed? I shook those thoughts away, refusing to lend them any merit. “Delilah only has Charlie’s best interest in mind. She cares for her. She’s a good nanny.”

My mother let out a long, exaggerated sigh. “Just be careful,” she warned.

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