Page 28 of Twisted Fate

“Goodnight,'' I replied. She breezed past me, and I stepped aside to let her out, all the while fighting the urge to beg her to stay.

It was jarring, realizing how badly I wanted her. Seeing her today, carefree and with her luscious body on display, awoke something inside of me. Every carnal urge that had lain dormant that past several months came roaring back to life.

And I hated myself for it. I shouldn’t have been looking at another woman like that, especially when said woman was my wife’s family.Especiallywhen she looked so much like the woman I vowed to love for the rest of my life.

What was I going to do? It would be torment to have her in my life, in this platonic capacity until Charlie went to school. But I couldn’t act on my feelings. It would be wrong, a conflict of interest considering I signed her paychecks. I would have to get control of myself.

And probably take lots of cold showers.

27

Delilah

Summer thunderstorms rolledin the following week. They came with a vengeance, occasionally knocking out power and making some roads impassable. That meant Charlie and I were stuck inside with no way to relieve her summertime restlessness. She was used to taking walks in the morning and playing in the backyard or going to the park after lunch. Since there’d been a steady drizzle most of the day, none of that would be happening. She was content to play educational games on her tablet.

After lunch, we settled into the big, soft couch in the family room and selected a movie. Charlie snuggled up next to me, curling into my side. Regret tugged at my heart. This was what I’d been missing this whole time. Giving her up meant missing out on sweet, simple moments like these. For three and a half years, someone else got to snuggle with her while watching movies, kiss her boo boos, and hold her as she fell asleep.

A sudden wave of sadness washed over me, and I fought back tears. I might have missed out on these moments, and though I was filled with regret, I was thankful Charlie hadn’t missed out. She’d had Sarah, and I knew in my heart that she’d been the right person for the job. I couldn’t have been the mother Charlie needed at the time. I’d been in a bad place back then and would’ve been of no use to anyone, especially a child.

I wrapped my arm tighter around her tiny shoulders, pulling her closer to me. My lips found the crown of her head, and I placed a lingering kiss to her hair, soaking up the moment as I closed my eyes. She smelled of strawberry shampoo and grape jelly from the sandwich she had at lunch. Gratitude filled my soul. It was like I’d been given a second chance. Maybe not in the capacity as her mom, but at least I got to be part of her life. I wouldn’t have to spend the rest of my days wondering “what if?” I wouldn’t have to worry whether I’d made the right decision or if her adoptive family treated her well. I got to see it nearly every evening. Vance doted on her. He made sure her every need was met. It was obvious she adored him and vice versa. When he came through the door in the evenings, she nearly jumped for joy. Her smile lit up the room when he was near, and it made my heart sing.

Not even halfway through the movie, Charlie was slumped against me, sound asleep. I grabbed the remote and flipped over to Vance’s profile to see if I could find the new show I’d been wanting to watch. It came up immediately in the “watch again” section, and I smiled to myself. It appeared Vance had already binged the entire season.

My eyes soon grew heavy despite the engaging storyline on the screen and before I knew it, I was out cold.

* * *

I awoke sometime laterto a message on the screen asking if I was still watching. Straightening, I clicked the TV off. I glanced down at Charlie’s sleeping form, which was now stretched across my lap, and brushed the hair from her face. Her cheeks were pink and round. She hadn’t quite lost the babyish quality to her features yet, but I knew it was coming. She’d be four soon and would start to look more like a preschooler and less like a toddler. Selfishly, I wanted to keep her this way for a while longer. I wanted to enjoy her in this stage of her life in a way I’d missed out on during her infancy. But time wasn’t on my side. Soon she would start school and wouldn’t need me as much as she did now.

Pain speared through my chest, and I rubbed a hand over my sternum to soothe the ache. I had to find a way to stay in her life somehow when this was all over. Now that I knew her, there was no way I could walk away again.

Charlie awoke soon after, and we headed upstairs to complete her afternoon lessons. I was amazed at how well she was doing considering her age. She had another full year before she went to school, but academically, she would be ready within the next six months if she kept up the same pace. She was a bright child who had thrived under one-on-one instruction. Now the only challenge was re-introducing her into a classroom of her peers with a teacher she wasn’t familiar with. I was in no hurry for that to happen, but it was inevitable.

As the evening sky darkened, the rain picked up. By the time Charlie and I had eaten dinner, it was practically coming down in sheets. I continuously peered out the front window, anxiously awaiting Vance’s return home. He texted me earlier to let me know he’d be a little late, but it was after seven, and he still wasn’t here.

Just before eight, the muted glow of headlights reflected off the walls of the entryway, signaling his arrival. Vance bolted up the sidewalk, his jacket held above his head to ward off the rain. I breathed out a relieved sigh and quickly stepped back from the window. I didn’t want him to know I’d been watching for him.

He practically burst through the door and promptly shut it behind him. Despite the jacket he’d been using as a makeshift umbrella, he was dripping wet.

“Daddy!” Charlie squealed, excited he’d finally made it home.

“Hey, munchkin,” he said, shaking out his hair and hanging his jacket on the hook.

“Let me grab you a towel,” I offered and slipped into the laundry room where a freshly folded stack of towels sat perched atop a still warm dryer.

I handed him the towel, and his cool fingers brushed against my warm ones, sending shivers up my arm. I suspected it had nothing to do with the temperature of his skin. He froze for a moment as though he felt it too.

“Thank you,” he mumbled, glancing away from me. He ran the towel over his head, drying his dark hair before swiping it over his clothes. Slipping off his shoes, he removed his socks and dried his feet. “This is as good as it’s going to get,” he announced, laying the towel on the floor to soak up the puddle he’d made on the hardwood.

Without another word, he headed upstairs leaving tiny droplets of water in his wake. When he returned, his hair was almost dry, and he had a pair of dark lounge pants slung low on his hips. The simple white t-shirt with its subtle V-neck showed off the small dusting of dark hair at the top of his chest. Images of him in his board shorts flashed in my mind. His abs had been rock hard with more ridges than I could count without being obvious. His long lean muscles, wide shoulders, and narrow hips had been on full display that day we’d played in the backyard. My pulse accelerated at the memory. I’d yearned to lean into him as he helped me with the pool. Thank goodness I hadn’t let myself. He hadn’t gotten that close again since, and I got the distinct impression he’d known how badly I wanted to touch him and was avoiding any contact with me now. I needed to stop ogling him before he noticed, so I gave Charlie a hug, grabbed my things, and headed toward the door.

“Where do you think you’re going?” I halted in my tracks at the sound of Vance’s deep, commanding voice.

Turning to peer over my shoulder, I caught sight of him silently padding toward me on his bare feet, his hard jaw set with determination. I swallowed thickly and croaked out, “Home.”

“You can’t go out in this,” he chided, and I turned to face him fully. He stopped directly in front of me, and I drank him in. His large hands rested on his hips, and a furrow creased his brow. Defiance rose in my chest. Did he think I couldn’t drive in the rain? What else would I do? Stay here?

“I’ll be fine. I’ve driven in the rain before.” I turned to leave, but he grabbed my elbow. A bolt of electricity shot up my arm, and I fought the urge to wrench away; not because it was unpleasant, but because I wanted to feel his touchelsewhere.

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