Page 24 of Desperation

I cocked an eyebrow and looked down at him as he stretched my leg. “Yourgym?”

“Yeah. Didn’t you know I’m top dog around here?”

“You’re a dog alright. I’ve heard stories of your dating escapades.”

“Me?” he asked with faux incredulity. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” We shared a laugh over that, both of us knowing what a player he was. I’d gotten to know Trevor over the last several weeks, and now that my therapy was almost over, I would miss our little chats.

“What about you? You got someone special waiting for you at home?” His question settled into my chest, causing it to ache with longing.

“Nah,” I replied, swallowing back my emotions. “I don’t have anybody.”Nobody who wants me, at least.

“Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that. Keep your options open.” He shot me a lopsided grin as he finished up. “All done.”

“Thanks, man.” I shook his hand and left, heading to the dialysis clinic to wait for my mom. She’d be finishing up her treatment soon, and I’d drive us both home.

She leaned over and kissed my cheek when she got into the truck. “How was therapy?” She asked me the same question every time. I knew she worried about me. She didn’t want me to end up in a similar condition as her, barely able to get around.

“It was good,” I assured her like I did every time. She laid down for a nap after we got home. Her treatments always left her feeling drained. I hopped in the shower, letting the hot water roll down my back and relax my taut muscles. My leg always ached a bit after my therapy sessions, but it was getting stronger, the pain lessening with time. I was hell-bent on getting all my strength back. I wouldn’t let what those bastards did keep me down. I wouldn’t let them win like that.

I swiped my hand over the steam coated mirror and stared into the haunted eyes and nearly gaunt face looking back at me. I'd had trouble sleeping when I first got out of the hospital and had dropped some weight, but my appetite was coming back. Sleep was still hit or miss. Sometimes I dropped like a rock onto my bed, exhaustion taking over. Sometimes I couldn't close my eyes without seeing my brothers dying right in front of me.

I had a short reprieve from dreaming about Hannah, but the text I received from Drake a week ago had brought my memories of her to the surface. It was a picture of him holding a tiny little bundle swaddled in blue. He held the baby’s face up next to his, a smile I’d never seen him wear before spreading from cheek to cheek. “He’s here!” read the quick message accompanying the snapshot.

Bittersweet joy tugged at my heart. His little boy was beautiful. He looked healthy and vibrant, and my cousin looked genuinely happy. But I was green with overwhelming envy. He had Hannah. She was the mother of his child. They were a family. That fact slammed into me, knocking the air from my lungs.

They were a family, and only a selfish bastard would dream of coming between them. It wouldn’t be me. I wouldn’t do that to them. I would—

My phone buzzed on the sink, and I glanced down. As though I’d conjured him in my mind, Drake’s name flashed across the screen. I opened the text and cursed.

Drake: When are you coming for a visit, dickhead? I know you’re back in the States.

I placed my phone on the porcelain and braced my hands on the

sink, bowing my head. How was I supposed to walk in there like nothing had happened? Hannah didn’t want me around. Period. I was sure she didn’t want me in their space after just having a baby. Maybe I could hold him off for a couple weeks then use work as an excuse not to come. I picked my phone up and shot him a quick text.

Me: I thought you guys would want some time to adjust to having a new baby. If you’re looking for a sitter, you’ll have to wait until the kid is potty trained. I don’t do diapers.

Drake: Haha, like I’d leave you in charge of a kid. Besides, he won’t stay off the tit long enough for Hannah to go to the bathroom let alone leave the house.

I groaned. If that was the case, I definitely couldn’t be there. I’d feel like I

was invading their privacy.

Me: I’m starting a new job soon. Let me see what my schedule’s gonna be like, and we’ll set something up.

Drake: Just stop by sometime. I took a little time off work, so I’ll be here.

I replied back with a thumbs-up and set my phone aside, dropping to the

bed. I wasn’t going to be able to get out of this. I should probably just get it over with as soon as possible and go on with my life. Maybe now that I was no longer a SEAL, I could consider settling down. I’d always avoided serious entanglements because of the nature of my job, but now there was nothing holding me back.

Yeah, nothing at all.

* * *

The next week, I found myself standing at Drake and Hannah’s front door. It took me a solid five minutes to build up the courage to knock. I wasn’t sure if I could stand to see them like they were now. They were a family, and I needed to remember that. I pushed my feelings for Hannah aside as I knocked on the door. As long as she was safe and Drake was treating her well, I vowed to walk away and leave them alone for good.

It took awhile for someone to come to the door. I almost left, assuming no one was home, when the lock was finally flipped and the knob began to turn. It slowly creaked open, and Hannah’s face appeared. Her eyes were tired and rimmed with purple smudges. Concern flooded me until her lips broke into a smile.

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