Page 9 of Everything We Left Unsaid

Abby

I toss and turnall night long, my mind reeling over Jacob’s reappearance. How can he just show up after all this time? Why does he seem so surprised about Chloe? And why did it feel like he wanted to kiss me goodbye? Even worse, why did I want him to? My body completely betrayed me when he leaned over me, his body close enough that I could feel the heat radiating from his skin.

I kick the covers off my legs, my body flushing at the thought of Jacob touching me again. How can I even think this way after everything that’s happened? I shouldn’t be attracted to him. I should hate his guts. And I do. Or at least I did. Until he showed up demanding to know about her. Even though I was furious at him for just barging in and acting like he had every right to be here and be in her life, it also softened something inside me that I’d been harboring a long time. I never thought she’d meet him. I had hoped one day I would find someone else to love, someone who could love both of us. Someone she could call “dad.” I never wanted her to know the pain of being unwanted.

My chest aches at the thought of her ever feeling that way. Imagining the hurt my baby would feel renews my anger towards Jacob, simultaneously cooling my lust and igniting the flames of my rage. I finally fall into a fitful sleep in the early morning hours, my cheeks damp with tears and heartache filling my chest.

My alarm goesoff way too early. I stumble out of bed and head for the kitchen. Chloe is already in her high chair eating her breakfast, my grandmother next to her with a cup of coffee and the newspaper.

“Good morning.” I lean down to kiss the top of Chloe’s head, savoring the lingering scent of her baby shampoo.

“Mama, nummies,” she replies, reaching her closed fist out to me. I gladly accept a squishy slice of her banana and she squeals in delight.

“I didn’t hear her get up this morning. How long has she been awake?” I’m always up with Chloe. I’ve never expected my grandmother to be responsible for taking care of her just because we live here. I wasn’t even going to ask her to keep Chloe while I worked, but she threw a fit when I tried to pay someone to watch her.

“About an hour.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Why didn’t you come and get me? You didn’t have to get up with her.”

“You were out cold, and I figured you needed the rest. After everything that happened yesterday, I thought you may have had trouble sleeping last night.”

She knows me so well.

“Thank you, enisi.” I don’t know what I would do without her. She’s been my rock the last several years, taking me in when my own mother didn’t want anything to do with me. Keeping me even though I was bringing in another mouth to feed. Loving my child as well as she would her own.

“It’s nothing. I love mornings with my little Chloe Bug.” My heart is so full of love for these two, I feel as though it could burst.

I kiss them both on the cheek when it’s time to leave for work, then muddle through my day in a haze, exhausted from restless sleep and worry over the situation with Jacob. When I finally head home for the day, I’m ready to see my girl and have a few minutes with her to myself before Jacob gets there. That is, if he’s even still coming. He may have changed his mind, just like he did about us two years ago.

My pulse accelerates when I see his car in my driveway. What is he doing here so early? He’s not supposed to be here for another twenty minutes. I may have fudged the time a little when I told him what time I got home from work, but I needed a few minutes for us to prepare for his arrival.

I get out of my car and march up the sidewalk, my irritation growing with every step. He completely disregarded what I told him and just showed up whenever he wanted. It’s hard telling how long he’s been here.

I throw the front door open and step inside, shutting it a little harder than necessary. My eyes scan the main living area, landing on Jacob as he stands from his perch on the living room sofa. Chloe is on the floor in front of him, her toys spread out on the rug. My grandmother sits in her recliner, her crochet hooks and yarn resting on her lap.

“Abigail, you’re home,” she greets.

I’m seething, having worked myself up on the short walk from my car to the house. I feel betrayed that she let him in without me being here. I’m angry that he ignored my wishes and came before I told him he could.

“Can I talk to you?” I spit out, coming to a stop at the arm of the couch. My grandmother sets her things aside and begins to get up from her chair. “Not you, enisi,” I tell her, my voice softening. I would never use that tone with her. “You.” I point to Jacob and surprise washes over his features.

“Okay.” I don’t wait for him to say anything else before I turn on my heel and head to my room. If he wants to make this work, he’s going to respect my wishes and follow my rules. I shut the door behind us so Chloe doesn’t hear.

“Abby-” he begins, but I spin around and pin him with my glare.

“Don’t,” I warn. “I told you to come at five. We had an agreement. Why are you here so early? What are you trying to pull?” My words are laced with mistrust and accusation.

His features morph from surprise to anger, and he takes a couple steps closer to me. I back up, not afraid, but also not sure what he plans to do. My back connects with the door, but he continues towards me, stopping when he’s only a half a foot away.

“I just fucking got here,” he says in a low voice, his teeth gritted to keep from yelling. He stares down at me, his face a mix of emotions. “I was anxious to get here and see her. I didn’t want to be late, so I ended up leaving earlier than I needed to. I planned on staying in my car and waiting on you, but your grandmother invited me in,” he explains, his frustration palpable.

My temper cools and I blink up at him in surprise. “Oh.” There’s not much else I can say. I guess I shouldn’t have jumped all over him like that without talking to him first. Now that my anger has dissolved and I’m thinking rationally, I’m kind of touched by what he said.

He notices my features softening and something familiar flares in his eyes. He steps closer to me, but far enough away our bodies don’t touch, even though mine screams for contact. His warm, minty breath fans over my face as he stares down into my eyes. His Adam’s apple bobs up and down as he swallows, his breathing picking up pace. My heart screams for him to come closer, but my head begs him to walk away.

“I think you and I need to have a much longer conversation,” he says, leaning in even closer, his chest barely brushing against mine. I clamp my mouth shut, stifling a moan. “But for now, I need to spend some time with my daughter.” He reaches behind me and grabs the doorknob, turning it.

I step aside to let him out of my room and release the breath I was holding. As his words start to sink in, I slap my hand over my mouth to muffle my sobs. What the hell is happening here? He acts like it’s my fault he missed the first year and a half of Chloe’s life, and now all of a sudden he’s father of the year?

He’s right about one thing. We do need to have a much longer conversation. I think he owes me an explanation.

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