Page 65 of When We Meet Again

I don’t squeeze back. I can’t. I shouldn’t be up here. But I am. I shouldn’t be enjoying this moment, but I do.

I fight against closing my eyes because I don’t want to miss what we came here to do. But right now, just in this moment, I scoot a little closer and lay my head on his shoulder, and he presses a kiss to the crown of my head.

“I never want this night to end,” I whisper into the night sky, hoping the universe will hear my emotional plea. For a moment, I feel…light. Emotionally free from a hell I didn’t know I was in. I wish I could freeze this moment. But I can’t, and the sun slips behind the horizon, allowing the stars to have their time to shine.

“We should get back.” He stands, never letting go of my hand. We exchange one more look, our faces lit from the fair below us. I wish I could read his mind.

With every step down the hill, we grow closer to the people we came here with. With every step, I feel Roman slipping further and further away from me. Like what we spoke of on the swing was all in my imagination.

Roman wraps his arm around his girlfriend, and Patrick bumps my shoulder with his, and that was it. We went our separate ways.

The next day he left my life…and he never said goodbye.

Roman

This song will alwaysmean something to me. Except, unlike the song, I’ll be saying goodbye tonight. Before we leave this bench. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t pretend not to be head over heels in love with her. It’s not fair to her, my brother, or myself… I have to say goodbye. If I don’t do it before we walk down this hill, I won’t do it at all. But I don’t say goodbye.Instead, I leave and don’t turn back, because we aren’t meant to have our goodbye. Not yet.

Waverly

“Waverly, baby…are you okay?”Roman’s fingers stroke my cheek as my eyes flutter open, “You’re crying?” I must have fallen back to sleep.

“It’s like the song. After all these years, we’re alwayssaying goodbye.” I roll onto my side and sob into his bare chest, breathing in his scent. I didn’t want that daydream to end. But it did. And now I have to bring this to an end, too. Stand on my own two feet. Not need someone to save me from myself. From my depression. I need to be better for myself. Figure all of this shit out andthenI can finally fall in love. I can’t do both.

“You’re ending this, aren’t you?” Roman’s face tightens and his jaw tics.

“I…” A sob escapes me. “I…don’t know what else I can do right now, Rome.” I can’t hold it in any longer. Tears pour out of me as I fight to breathe.

“Shhhh.” He rubs the back of my head, never asking for more conversation. Never pushing but accepting our fate. “It’s not goodbye. It neverisgoodbye. Not yet.” His heart beats hard and fast against my face. “I’ll always be here for you.”

“What if you find someone?” I try to inhale, not caring if it sounds asinine. Being jealous of someone who doesn’t exist. I feel myself falling into an old pattern—waiting for the other shoe to drop, never allowing myself to be fully happy.

“It’s not me I’m worried about,” he rasps out. I pull back to look in his stormy eyes that are now glazed with unshed tears. “Have you seen yourself? Men are going to be lining up at your doorstep. You’re going to heal, and be the person you werealways meant to be. You’ll be glowing…even more than you are now. Some man is going to sweep you off your feet. A man who has his shit together more than I do.”

I shake my head no, but we both know that the future is unpredictable. You can plan and plan and plan until you’re blue in the face, but one fleeting moment can hinder those plans and blast them into oblivion.

“I should go before this gets harder.” I force myself to roll away from him.

“Oh.” He sniffs, refusing to look me in my eyes. “I got you something. Open it when you get home.” He hands me what’s obviously a hardcover book wrapped in brown paper with my name doodled on it like graffiti. I dare to look at him, but his head is hanging with his wet cheeks on full display.

Why does the right thing to do feel so damn wrong?

I hold it to my chest, fighting back a sob, swallowing past the lump in my throat.

“Waverly. Can I ask a favor?” My head moves up and down, unable to form a coherent sentence. Tears trek down my cheeks with no end in sight. I’m quick to brush them away, but they refuse to slow. “Can I have a kiss before you go?” he asks.

We finally look into each other’s eyes filled with pain—bloodshot like we haven’t slept in weeks—sharing a silent moment filled with promises.

He pops up from the edge of the bed, and like a wave, we get pulling into a kiss with no chance of escaping, both of us in painful lust as our tears run together. A tingling sensation washes through my body as his hands urgently cup my face, deepening the kiss. In this moment, nothing else matters. No past. No future. Only a sliver of air is able to get into my lungs as we refuse to break our mouths apart. This moment will live with me forever—long after I leave this house.

This feels a lot like we’re saying goodbye.

CHAPTER 34

WAVERLY

Fortunate:My Lovesac is just as comfortable as when I first bought it.

Unfortunate:Nobody warns you when life is going to throw you a curveball. It sucks.

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