Page 34 of When We Meet Again

A sensation washes over me, and I open my eyes. The sun looks a little brighter and the colors surrounding me look a little more vibrant.I’m turning forty, and I don’t care what anyone else thinks of who I am and the way I act. If it makes me happy, I’m going to do it.

As much as I hate to admit it, Patrick did put out my fire. He had a lovely soul, but his heart didn’t beat for me. Maybe his brain did, but his heart…it was never in it.

“I forgive you, Patrick, but it’s time,” I say into the horizon where the sky meets the sea.

I stand and smile one last time at the words I released. “That felt good.”

“What felt good?” Janine comes up from behind me, wearing an endearing smile.

“Finally saying goodbye.”

CHAPTER 19

WAVERLY

Fortunate:I thought I would get seasick, but I’m not. Not at all. In fact, I think I convinced Roman to give me sailing lessons.

Unfortunate:Victoria must have unpacked all of my one-piece swimsuits and swapped them out for bikinis. (Well played, Vic. Well played.)

I knowI said I’m going to do what makes me happy and I give zero fucks, but Janine scares the shit out of me. She always has. Especially the first time Patrick introduced me to her. Maybe it’s because she’s a mother of boys, and she’s seen a thing or two, and mothers get weird about their sons. And from my personal experience,reallyweird.

“Who are you saying goodbye to?” Her head tilts in pity with her sad amber eyes and her lips in the shape of a frown.

“Patrick.” I wince at the abruptness of my words. It must be hard for her to hear. And it’s not like my delivery’s going to make it any easier. To be fair, it’s my own personal closure with him. Everyone mourns differently.

I expect to be shunned, snubbed, pushed off the boat and fed to the sharks. We are a little farther from land now. A perfectplace for a slice-and-dice incident. But instead, she pulls me into a tight hug. “I understand.”

What?!I’m confused. And it’s about to grow.

She keeps me close, her hold so tight as if she’s afraid to let go. “Sweetie. I’m sorry.”Umm, okay?“I should have been there for you. And for Roman. And for Harold.” Her voice is shaky, as if she’s about to cry. “In no world should a parent outlive their child. It’s cruel. It’s unbearable, and I chose to take medication to numb my pain instead of dealing with it.” I can feel her body begin to tremble in my arms. “You guys didn’t just lose Patrick that day. In some ways, I died along with him.”

My shirt is wet with the tears she’s no longer able to hold back, and I scramble for the right words to say to her. Janine and I have never had a moment like this. I guess we’ve never had a reason to have a moment like this…

“You did what you had to do to get through it. Nobody faults you for that, Janine. You grew him, raised him…” My voice cracks as I try to hold in a sob. “It’s…I can’t imagine how hard it is.”

We hold each other for quite a while, neither moving noracknowledging there is a world outside our healing hug that’s taking place on the stern of a yacht. And when we finally let go of each other, our tears are long-dried, and there is a newly established mutual respect between us.

“I’m sorry I was short with you when you came on board today. I’ve been fighting an internal battle.”

“With what?” Now I’m giving her the tilted head.

She walks to the railing, looking out at the coastline. “I wanted grandbabies. And I made Patrick promise me he’d give them to you—if you wanted them, that is.”

“He always told me he didn’t want kids.” I was more than disappointed when Patrick and I had that talk. That conversation was had over a bottle of wine. Probably not the besttiming, but it was too late to take it back once it happened. At the end of the day, I caved and told him that just being with him made me happy. And he said, “Good, because this is a topic I’m not budging on.” My heart broke a little bit more that night.

“Walk with me?” Janine turns from the view and crosses my path, opening the door to the main salon and gesturing me through. Naturally, I follow and watch as she uncorks a bottle of 2012 Underwood Pinot Noir, pouring us both a glass.

I watch a true wine connoisseur swirl the red liquid around the glass before it meets her red-stained lips as she takes a generous sip

“I know it shouldn’t be my main concern, the whole grandbabies thing, but I’m going to be sixty next year, and I’d love to be able to play with them, you know, before I’m deaf, or blind…or dead.”No filter. Got it.“You know, Waverly… Part of me always figured Patrick wouldn’t be the one who gave me grandkids. Roman, though—I had high hopes with the girl he was seeing.” She shakes her head in disappointment.

My throat goes dry and I feel a lump form, making it hard to speak.I’m basically jealous of a younger, more youthful version of myself.

She whips her wine glass around like it’s empty, leaving red liquid to splash over the sides. “They’ve been off and on for years.”

“I met her once before today.” I don’t know why I’m feeding into this conversation. I can’t help but wonder why she’s getting into Roman’s love life.

“He never brought her to family functions. At least not for the past five years. Not the ones you were at, anyway.” She glances at me over her wine glass. “I never understood, but I see it now.”

---