Page 99 of Season of Gifts

“Actually, if I may begin?”Henry stepped in front of her and lightly clasped her shoulders, his thumbs a gentle pressure through her knit top.“I fear I have inadvertently replicated the circumstances of your childhood, forcing you into a role in which you had little information and great responsibility.”

“That’s not your fault.”But her knees trembled.This conversation would be harder than just the bare facts of it.“You didn’t choose for your mom to be sick.None of us chose that.”

“Ah, but I kept a barrier, attempting to shield you from the details of Mother’s illness.”His thumbs rolled toward her neck, a massage digging into the knots above her collarbone.“I recognize now that rather than the comfort I intended, that was a source of distress, echoing your earlier experiences.”The familiar face of her dominant greeted her, wise and all-seeing.“You need honesty from me, the honesty I have always promised you.”

She swayed in his hands, following his silent tune.Nothing she could tell Henry would cause him to turn away from her.Even if he chastised her for confronting an emotional mountain without his assistance, he would understand why she’d had to do it.“We both need honesty.We mess things up without it.”

“Then I will give you truth.”Closing his eyes, he tipped his head back and swallowed.As he exhaled, he brought his gaze back to hers, a weariness suddenly weighting his eyes and lining his face.“I am tired, Alice.I would, in this moment, love very much to take a hot shower without worrying about what might happen in the fifteen minutes I am indisposed.”

Laying another burden on him now would be blatantly selfish.Mother was in her room for the night, and Alice’s phone hadn’t blown up with messages from Ollie.They could find peace for a few hours.The weariness was what he’d been hiding all day.If he could show her that, they were okay.

“Then you should have that.”She smoothed her hand against his chest, her wedding ring resting over his heart.“I could join you, if you want, or Jay could, and you could let us take care of you.”

He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles one by one.“The shower here isn’t nearly so large as ours, sweet girl, though I appreciate your thoughtfulness.Just a few minutes to myself, and I will be refreshed and ready for whatever you wish.”

“Go shower.”Leaning in, she kissed the corner of his mouth.The night they’d been here alone, the night Jay had been so distant, their bodies had brought them back into alignment.Lessened the fear and the loneliness.Making that happen for Henry and Jay tonight would ease both of her husbands.The talk could come after, when they’d reaffirmed those bonds.“I’ll handle the rest.”

Chapter fifty-one

Jay

Jay’sadrenalinepumpedallthe way up the stairs, his body wired and alert like at an intersection, only instead of lights and turning cars and surprise pedestrians, he kept watch for shifting weight and wobbly steps and gasping breath.If Mom started to topple, he’d catch her before she could lose her balance.And set her down gently, not keep her upright, so her blood wouldn’t hang out in her legs and not be able to climb back up to her heart and lungs and head.

On the way up in the car, Alice had read him stuff from articles on her phone about heart failure.They didn’t know anything about Mom’s symptoms or stages, and Henry hadn’t had time yet to tell them the details.But Mom seemed good, not bedridden.She’d taken a couple of catnaps during the decorating, just fifteen minutes or so.And she stopped at the top of the stairs and asked to sit down in the new chair against the wall there.Not new-new, but new in that spot, so she and Henry must’ve put it there for her to rest on.

He knelt beside her while she puffed and held tight to his arm.

“I sound like that too, on the steep hills.It’s okay to need a minute to recover.”Henry had been right about not making her trek out to the tree rows.“It’s smart to listen to what your body wants.”

Moving her to their house wouldn’t be great for her.All the stairs would be hard, and they didn’t have a skinny one-person elevator like some fancy houses.Alice had said in the car that they might need to think about those options to get Henry home with them sooner.She’d warned him that these would be big talks with a capital B.Maybe even some uncomfortable arguing.

He’d tried hard today to make openings.Breakfast had been weird, like Henry had forgotten he could hand work off to them.Entertaining Mom and Lina wasn’t tough at all, but getting Henry and Alice to take the hint and go talk was impossible.But Henry was back to his usual self now, and tonight they could finally reconnect.

“Thank you, Jay.”Mom’s breathing retreated to regular ins and outs.“You’re very patient.Your quiet stillness is delightfully calming.Henry and Alice must appreciate that.”

His quiet stillness?Jay, the jester of movement and mayhem.“Not sure I’ve ever been accused of being the quiet one before.”

She tapped his arm lightly, and he extended it like a grab bar the way Lina had done whenever Mom needed to get up.She pressed down, practically lighter than a sack of groceries.“Comfortable in your skin, then.Watching you dress the tree was like being at the ballet.You’re graceful when you move, Jay.Compact.Powerful.”

The reward center in his brain rang the happy bells.Aside from Henry and Alice, people didn’t say stuff like that about him.Or—hmm.Maybe Will and Emma lately, too.He should jot that down to talk with Danny about.Did people not compliment him, or did he just not hear them when they did?Or maybe he’d been giving off vibes that warned people not to even try.

“Thank you.I’m not—people don’t—” Working on accepting instead of throwing away compliments was on his list.He didn’t have to explain or downplay anything.“Thank you.”

Threading her arm through his, Mom stepped forward, and he shifted to match her.“I’m only sorry Henry didn’t sit down more often to simply enjoy it.He and Alice both seem a tad high-strung today.”

Three steps, four, and he lowered his voice in case it carried down to the entryway.“Is that why you asked me to help you upstairs?So they could get unstrung?”

Her smile was a whole sentence.

“You gotta teach me how you do that.At home I volunteer for tasks”—which he would carefully not mention was a favorite activity—“and give them time to do the talking thing that way.But today I would’ve had to shove them both in a room and not let them out.”

Not for lack of trying on Alice’s part.She’d approached Henry more than once, and every time instead of wandering off somewhere together, they’d veered off on their own paths.She might’ve gotten cold feet about owning up to visiting her folks.

Mom’s giggle came from the back of her throat, muffled behind closed lips.“I confess, I hadn’t thought to try that approach.Perhaps tomorrow, if she hasn’t pried him open yet.”

Alice was right; Henry needed more help than he was saying.Even his mom could see it, and Henry almost never showed things on the surface.He’d been missing their support as much as they’d been missing his structure.Like Danny said, Jay could reach out first.He could get the momentum rolling to help them all catch up to each other on the right track.

Mom’s bedroom door stood open a crack; he pushed it wide.The furniture had been rearranged.A big cozy chair sat beside the bed, a blanket folded over the arm.A flutter tickled his stomach.“Is that where Henry sleeps?”

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