Page 44 of Season of Gifts

“No, I’m sorry.I didn’t mean that.”She pressed frantic kisses to his throat, beneath his jaw, along his carotid.“I’m frustrated, and I’m taking it out on you, and that’s not helpful.”She whispered between kisses, her voice thick, her apologies ones that ought to have been his.“I’m trying to be you, but I’m not.But I will make sure Jay is okay.You don’t have to worry about him.”

“But I do.”Drawing back, he held her still.He kissed the soft skin in front of her ear.“That’s who I am, Alice.”The delicate bridge of her nose.“I worry about you, and about Jay, and about my mother, and”—the outer corner of her eye, with her lashes fluttering against his mouth—“I am aware that every day I am failing each of you in some fashion.”

She gasped, her body tensing.“You—”

He claimed her mouth, gently, letting another language speak his promises to her.He would find a solution.Mother was recovering.In a few days he might have nursing coverage.Jay and Alice could join him.They would have Christmas together as planned, with a few modifications.This could be rectified; it was a mogul, not a mountain entire.

The flowingwhooshof the kitchen tap reached his ears, then cut off.He released Alice, the two of them sighing in unison, gazes softer now.Clearer.

She tilted her head and laughed lightly.He glanced over his shoulder.

Jay stood propped against the kitchen island, a travel mug and a veritable mountain of snacks beside him.“You seemed busy with other work.I could fill two more of these, you know.”

“Soon,” he murmured, waving Jay nearer.“When I’m certain Mother is well enough, I will call for you on a moment’s notice, my dear ones.And we will all be healthier for it.”

Chapter twenty-four

Jay

InthepictureHenrytexted, his mom half-sat, half-lay back on stacked pillows in the garden room, the one with the wall of windows that got all the sunlight.No sunlight in the picture, ’cause that was after dinnertime last night.She had a real nice robe on, white with flowers, and a quilt thrown over her lap.Hard to tell if she was pale, even when Jay pinched in as far as the zoom would go.She was smiling, though, and Henry had writtenMother sends her love to you both.I wish I’d had more time with you today, but I’m confident I’ll be seeing you again soon.

Their messages of love back sat at the end of the thread.Christmas was only ten days away.Soon had to mean before then, for sure.“How soon do you think—”

“Now, I think.”

“Now?”Had he missed a message?Jerking his head up, Jay followed Alice’s pointing finger toward an SUV rolling up to the curb at the bus station on the north end of Nashua.

“Yeah, isn’t that your brother?”

“Yup, that’s him.”He dropped his phone in his coat pocket and grabbed the knotted rope at the top of the Santa sack by his feet.The thing came halfway up his thigh, and he had two bags with the gifts for all the kids.Alice had put on Christmas music while they wrapped everything after Henry left.Well, after the first hour, anyway.That hour had been all about sitting side by side on the couch, holding hands until their fists felt like bruises, staring into the dark fireplace.“Hope Kev’s gonna have room for all the presents.You don’t think I overbought, do you?”

Alice tucked his hair inside his knit cap and kissed his cheek.“I think you love your nieces and nephews very much, and you want them to know that, even when…” Pursing her lips, she wiggled them side to side a couple of times.“When it’s healthier and wiser for you to not be there to give the gifts in person.”

He leaned into her, her little red hat fuzzy and soft against his face.“I hope we’re gonna be in person with Henry’s mom.I just don’t wanna end up—”

“Hey, you folks need a ride?”Laughing, Kevin hopped out of his car and walked around back.“I swear you look just like my brother and his wife.”He popped the hatch, his deep brown barn coat unbuttoned and swinging.“Need a hand with those?”

“Naw, nothing heavy.”Jay grabbed both bags and slung them into the back before giving Kevin a quick hug.“Thanks for playing Santa Claus.”

Kevin shoved the hatch back into place.“My last chance for that, I expect.”

“You’re not going home for Christmas anymore either?”Shit, if he’d started a trend—no, pause, Danny would say that was panic-blame grabbing the handlebars.“Why’s it your last chance?”

“At that age, huh?”Alice slipped up beside him and wrapped her arm around his back, curling her finger through the belt loop on his jeans with a gentle tug.

“Hey, Alice, welcome.”Kevin leaned forward, his arms out.“Good to see you.”

“Glad we could find a time.”She didn’t budge from Jay’s side, resting her chin against his shoulder.With her free hand, she caught Kev’s fingers and gave them a London Bridge swing hello.“I remember how hard that was as a kid—proud that I knew the secret, frustrated that I had to watch everything I said around my little sister.”

“Exactly.”Dropping the greeting, which had sure seemed like it was gonna be a hug before it wasn’t, Kev puffed his cheeks and blew out a breath.Too warm for frost today, which had made the wait nicer.“Evan doesn’t believe anymore, and Dylan’s skeptical.Asking us all the technical questions about how the reindeer fly, and how Santa can get to every house.The magic is gone for them.”Jerking his head toward the car, Kevin disappeared around the driver’s side.“Hop in.Almost makes me want another one”—the car doors opened and closed, Alice scooting into the back seat before Jay could offer her the front—“but then I think about the diaper changes and the sleepless nights and my aching back.Forty-five is not thirtysomething energy.It takes a nosedive.”Kevin lightly punched Jay’s shoulder as Jay fastened his seat belt up front.“You’ll see.”

Really?He had more energy in a day than he knew what to do with.He poured it into pedaling and serving and sex, and sometimes it still buzzed through him like a live wire downed in a storm, skipping and sparking on the asphalt.“Won’t know till I get there, I guess.”

Kevin pulled out of the pickup lane.“Your friend H—I mean, your husband probably knows.You hit forty, and man, some days you just lift your head off the pillow wrong and your back is wrecked for a week.”

Henry was only thirty-nine, but maybe he did know.Had he been slowing down?Were late nights and long drives rougher on him now?Jay hadn’t asked.He’d had the sense not to ask if Henry had looked at his wish book yesterday, but it still stung this morning when he’d found the book untouched on the dresser in the playroom, the agreed-upon location for signaling he’d finished his homework, with no new assignment for the week ahead.Henry had nothing he wanted Jay to focus on, because he didn’t have time to focus on Jay.A warning note twanged in his head, a grinding tooth before the chain slipped the gear.Let the maintenance go too long, and he’d have a wreck on his hands, too.

Kev spun the wheel, gliding into sparse traffic on the main road.“Sorry he couldn’t make it for lunch.You said his mom’s sick?Like ours, or…”

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