Page 29 of Season of Gifts

“I think…” She nudged the maple syrup toward him.“We’ll both want to see for ourselves that Mother is fine, right?Give her our love in person?”Managing expectations would be key, though.“She might not be ready for a lengthy visit yet.But this morning, I think we should eat breakfast, and I’ll fill you in on the details, and then I need to get going.”

Jay nodded, half-naked and handsome as fuck and still the picture of dejection.

She mentally slammed her hand against the side of her head.Maybe percussive maintenance would jar loose a better answer for him.I’m sorry I’m not himcame to mind, and she shoved it far, far away before her mouth could form the words and give Jay a new guilt complex to talk about at therapy.She needed to connect her men across the distance, not—wait.

“I heard Henry ask about your clothes for today.”Casual-like, she doctored her own oatmeal as if her memory wasn’t doing the victory dance it deserved, grabbing a thread from a mentoring session with Leah weeks ago.“Do you want to text him a picture after you get dressed?So he knows you’re well protected from the elements and he doesn’t have to worry?I think he’d appreciate that.”

Leah didn’t live with Drew; she sent a picture of her outfit to her master every morning for his approval.Henry might not have time for approvals right now, but just the sending could be enough.

“Yeah.Yeah.”Jay’s slow motion returned to full speed as he carried their dishes to the table.“I’d like that.Thanks, Alice.”

She followed with two glasses of juice.A day without Henry was like trying to balance a seesaw by straddling the fulcrum.For a few minutes, at least, she wasn’t about to send anything flying.

Chapter sixteen

Jay

Mrs.Eickhoff’sapartmentbuildingdidn’t lie on the direct route from Jay’s office to Oscar’s.He didn’t have to turn down the side streets; he didn’t have to navigate the narrow lane parked up with cars.He could’ve gone straight from the office to the diner to meet Alice for their Tuesday lunch.

He rode past anyway, his body leaning to make the turn, his legs pumping up the little incline, faster without the weight of a weekly grocery order.Officially he’d been reviewing the schedule this morning.Mostly he’d been staring at Mrs.Eickhoff’s obituary online.

A private memorial service will be held for the family at a later date.

Private.Later.So she got nothing now, nobody celebrating her life, no gathering for her friends.

Survived by her two sons and their spouses and three grandkids, the notice said.Not a word about the gals in the rummy club who actually saw her every day.She’d outlived her husband and two siblings.Maybe she’d been the youngest in her family, too.Had she told him that?The memories slipped away, a blur of Tuesdays.He couldn’t say for certain when a thing had happened or what was said, only that she’d bragged about him to the gals while he put the groceries away and invited him to join the game or look at family photos or take a huge slice of the dessert she’d made.

He took his time locking up the bike outside Oscar’s.He’d tried to wait longer at the office, but his legs couldn’t stand it, and the more he paced, the droopier Carrie’s face got watching him.But even with the detour past Mrs.Eickhoff’s, he was seventeen minutes early for lunch.

Holding the menu gave his hands something to do.He should’ve stayed outside, should’ve kept riding, maybe to the park and back, but now his coat was off, and their regular waitress was hustling over to his table in her squeaky-clean white old-lady sneakers.

“My goodness, I’m glad to see you’re in one piece!”Bonnie set two silverware napkin bundles on the table.“Last week your poor girl hardly looked up from her phone.Thought something might have happened, but of course I’m not one to pry.”

Last week at this exact minute he’d been on the phone with Mrs.Eickhoff’s son.He must not have been fast enough with the text to catch Alice before she’d left for lunch.She hadn’t said anything.He flashed a bashful smile at Bonnie.“Just a work emergency.I’ve been forgiven for standing her up.”

Rehashing last week wouldn’t help him any, and Alice had probably forgiven him days ago, so the tiny lie didn’t count against him.He’d apologize to Alice later, though.

“And this week you’re early, so as not to worry her.Young love.”Hand over her heart, Bonnie closed her eyes and scrunched her shoulders like the universe was hugging her.“Didn’t expect you for at least another ten minutes.You want to wait for her to order?”

“Yes.No.”Scanning the menu, he let the beverages come into focus.The wind had been biting today.“Can we get hot tea with milk?The chamomile?With…” Henry had tried years ago to get him hooked on tea before bed.Tea tasted too sour-bitter without—what had Henry called them?—enticements.“Umm, honey and ginger?But not until she gets here.I don’t want it to get cold waiting.”

“I think we can manage that, hun.”Bonnie tapped her nose twice.“Such a smart husband!You two are just the cutest.You tell her she has a good one.”Glancing past him, she pretended to scribble on a pad and nodded.“Gotta go fetch a bill for those folks, but I’ll be back to check on you.”

His face didn’t turn red; he didn’t have a strong blush reflex like Alice did.Henry making him kneel in his waiting pose in front of a mirror while he praised Jay had shown him that.Praise made him wriggly on the inside, not colorful on the outside.He repeated the praise silently—smart, good, those were nice words, but they weren’t the ones heating his chest.Husband.That was the word.

Danny would call that recognition or validation or something at therapy.The ring on Jay’s finger said he belonged, and now other people saw it when they looked at him.Danny would also say—well, no, Danny didn’t say things so much as he asked questions that made Jay say things.He was like Henry that way, always asking stuff that needed more than a yes or no answer.But Danny would agree if Jay said belonging was super-important to him—core to his identity, he called it—and that he’d lost his sense of it with his family this year.So no wonder he kept shifting gears this week, trying to find the right pace for a daunting climb, wobbling after losing Mrs.Eickhoff, slipping a foot off the pedal when Henry left without him.

He tucked the menu back in the holder; he didn’t need it anyway.Today would be a vegetable soup and BLT day.He’d sent Henry a picture of his clothes again this morning, but still no reply on his phone.Yesterday he’d gotten back a message before lunch.

He should be in Maine with Henry.He could run ninety percent of his business through his phone, and Carrie handled the rest from her desk.Alice could go up Friday, but he should be up there today.The afternoon train would get him there by dinnertime.Ride home, pack a bag—he’d just tell her, flat out, that he knew he’d be more useful there.

Bonnie returned faster than he’d figured, carrying two cups of milk-foamy tea and extra honey packets out from behind the counter.

“Oh, she’s not—”

Alice stepped through the jingling door eight minutes early, lowering her scarf and grinning at him.

Bonnie set the saucers on the table.“Mm-hmm, don’t you worry, I was keeping watch for you.”

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