Page 75 of Season of Gifts

She narrowed her eyes at him.“You decaffeinated my tea?”

“Caffeine would interfere with the beta blocker your doctor prescribed.”A stroke of luck, really, that the local shop carried the decaffeinated version of Mother’s favorite and was willing to deliver despite not having an official delivery policy.He’d tipped the clerk quite well yesterday afternoon for stopping by the house.“I presumed you wouldn’t wish to switch entirely to herbal tea, although if you’d like, I also ordered a few hibiscus—”

“I will not sit in bed all day with weak tea and a constant minder, Henry.I unconditionally refuse.”

“The situation is temporary, Mother.Akin to the supplemental oxygen.”The tank sat beside her chair, as unobtrusive as a rolling metal cart and a green-tipped canister with gauges and a face mask could be.“You were in the hospital again just two days ago.Please allow for time to recover.We can discuss the tea with your care team tomorrow.”

“Then I will have my usual tea today.”She glared at him, every inch as stubborn as he.Society often said men married women like their mothers—no wonder he had ended up with a fiercely independent wife.

Robert rose from his chair, his hand pressed to his tie though he had a perfectly fine tie tack to prevent it dragging.“I’ll let you two talk.”

How very like their father Robert was, fleeing from emotions playing out in front of him, denying the evidence of his own eyes.

“No, no, stay.”Mother reached toward him and flat-handed the air, fingers spread, patting until he settled back down.“I’m being a cranky patient, and Henry has been kind enough to put up with me by himself for weeks now.I do love having company.”She poured a large splash of milk into her cup, holding the pitcher with two hands and shooting Henry anare you pleased, hmm?glance.“How was Frankfurt?Tell us all about your trip.”

Robert described the Christmas market and the baubles he’d picked up there—old-fashioned toys for his sons, a handcrafted ornament for his wife, the delicious goose he’d dined on.“You would have loved it, Mother.”

Goose.Yes, Henry would need to call about that as well, with the hope that Mother had placed the order with her butcher weeks ago.And plan the meal, and shop for the trimmings—all tasks that would be easier once he fetched Alice and Jay, though he would have to call Lina and ask if he might impose on her once more, as a temporary nurse would clearly not be the solution Saturday.So many things yet undone—including the markers of the holiday.The strolls he hadn’t taken with Alice and Jay under the lights.The treats they hadn’t made together in the kitchen.The experiences he’d planned so meticulously to balance the multiple aspects of their lives together, a first holiday season to set the tone for all the rest, for the years and decades to come.

Robert looked so much like their father now.He shared his name, his habits, his appearance.They’d formed a cordial sibling relationship as adults, far better than the treatment Jay had received from his siblings but falling short of the easy camaraderie Alice and her sister cultivated.But then he and Robert had not been tempered in the same crucible.Robert had been away at school; he had never lost his faith in Father’s wisdom, not in one crisp moment as Henry had.

Alice’s falling-out with her father had been a yearslong process, a slow destruction of her childhood.Her father seemed a man driven by his demons.One spot of luck in an otherwise ill-favored month—her work was keeping her too busy to go haring off alone to confront her past while Henry’s attention was elsewhere.

Chapter thirty-nine

Alice

Dadnolongerresembledthe man who’d raised her.He was in his fifties but stooped like an old man, one hand clenched around a drugstore cane with flexible feet.A trail of finger-swipes stained his sweatshirt.As Alice emerged from the basement, he grunted at her over the buzz of the TV.“You pregnant?Come back here asking for money?Don’t show up for years to help your mother and me, and now you come begging for money.”

He’d lost the power to shock her long ago.Picking fights, that was his favorite pastime.

She silently warned her fingers not to crunch the ornaments through the shoebox, but they seemed determined to do it.The rationalizations ran through her head, years of them, the side effects from the drugs, the pain from his back, the resentment and futility and depression.Life was unfair, sure.But taking that out on everyone around him was a choice, and he could make a better one any damn time he wanted.

“Not pregnant.And I haven’t asked you for money since I was thirteen, Dad.”She’d known better.Rationed out the money from her piggy bank to Ollie on a weekly basis when the debt piled up and Mom’s frown lines deepened and Dad sulked and swore at his physical therapist.Here, Ollie, I forgot, Dad already paid me for the chores—this is your half.“Is this how you treat Ollie when she visits?This is what being a dad is to you?”

Fuck, she’d meant to be kinder.Meek Alice cowered behind her ribs, thirteen years old and urging her not to fight, to accept the blame, to slip away without starting an argument Ollie would hear.

“Your sister actually shows up, which is more than you’ve done in ten years.”Dad shuffled deeper into the kitchen, barely lifting his feet from the linoleum.His socks had little grippy dots all over the bottom and partly up the side, twisted from his shuffle.“Every time she calls, she’s singing your praises.You think I don’t know you’re paying for her schooling?”

As he thrust open the fridge, condiments rattled and the door hit the limit of the hinges.His hair had gotten bushy on top, overdue for a date with the trimmers Mom kept in the linen closet.The wheat-blond waves matched Alice’s.The urge flitted past to snatch up scissors and hack hers off, to erase everything in her that might be like him.“It’s not a secret, Dad.School’s expensive, and she deserves—”

“Go on, throw that in my face, girlie.Can’t provide for my family.No help from you, and I don’t want none, not one cent.”He pointed past her, finger striking like a snake.“Lori, you’d better not be taking this girl’s money.”

So which was it, Dad?Was she the beggar come home looking for cash or the rich bitch come to dazzle them with her wealth?Didn’t even matter to him—he’d tear down anyone’s happiness to make himself less miserable.

Mom clasped Alice’s shoulders and squeezed gently.“Isn’t it wonderful to have Alice home, honey?Just a short visit, she’s so busy with work, but look how grown up she is.We should get a family picture.Where did I stash that old camera?”

Mom did appeasement like a champ.She’d had more years of practice.Meek Alice applauded.Angry Alice fished in her pocket.

“I can take one on my phone, Mom.Here.”She reversed the image, snapping a half-dozen selfies with Mom beside her.Plenty of family to fill a frame.

“That the kind of fancy thing your big money job pays for?She’s too good for her parents, Lori.”Dad tossed a leftovers container on the counter, and the lid popped loose.Half a burger and fries slapped the edge.“Runs off to college and blue collar’s beneath her notice now.You ashamed of where you come from, Allie?That it?”

Ashamed to show Henry and Jay the little house she grew up in?No.Ashamed of her father and his attitudes?Yes, a thousand times yes.

She laid the shoebox on the table.Easier to protect that from damage than to protect her insides, which curdled with a weary dread.The exhaustion, jeez, she’d forgotten how tiring living with him could be.“I didn’t come here to pick a fight with you or show you up, Dad.I’m trying to rebuild something we lost a long time ago.I’m sorry you can’t see that.”

“I know you think I’m stupid.”He yanked a plastic plate off a stack on the counter and dumped the food onto it.“Think the pain’s all in my head, think I’m pathetic.Think you’re better than me”—he jammed the plate into the microwave, beeps sounding as he put it to work—“think sending your sister to college gets her on your side, and now you come here to turn your mom against me.”He bobbed like a linebacker about to rush her.“I see it, Allie.I have eyes.”

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