Page 56 of Season of Gifts

“See?I can’t see your face, Alice.Lift your phone, okay?”

“I’m here.I’m okay.”Not in danger of crying, at least.Phone raised, she smiled at Jay.“I’m just thinking…”

Fuck.Out-loud Alice sure was a chatty bitch.Couldn’t take it back now.Jay would ask—

“Thinking what?”He settled down with his back to the dresser, anotherthunkprobably his butt bumping the drawer closed.

Curling her knees toward her chest, she rested her arms against them and held the phone in both hands.Jay had the deepest brown eyes, a care she could drown in.“I’m thinking about how much Henry puts into his planning.How he crafts every little detail, how we’re at the front of his mind all the time.And how much—” Her voice wavered, and she shook her head, locking it down.“How much he must hate missing these moments with us.Not being there when you discovered the gift, not being the one to put it on you.”

It would’ve been like missing their wedding.Her fingertips recalled every moment of placing the harness on Jay for the first time.Working the buckle, snugging their claim against his chest.Smoothing the straps.The shine in his eyes.

“He was.And he did.He will, I mean.”Jay dipped his face toward the camera, a forehead press across the miles.“You busy?I can tell you about my call with him.I didn’t open the gift until he was on video with me.”

The pressure in her chest eased.“I would love to hear about your call.”

She settled in for story time and let Jay’s joy wash over her.He’d gotten so much out of a brief interaction.And Henry could improvise like a champ.Their holiday season wasn’t going anything like how they’d planned, but they could find ways to make it work.A few steaks lying in the snow—or chicken on the kitchen floor—didn’t have to turn grins into grinches.

One little snafu—more than one, Allie-girl, and more than little—wouldn’t load them up until they were angry balloons ready to pop.Like Dad, lashing out in every direction.A queasy ripple sloshed in her stomach.

“—talk tomorrow about me going up to Maine, so I figure I’ll jump on the dreaded year-end paperwork in the morning.”Jay pinched his nose and flattened out his tongue.“Ugh, right?You look sympathy green around the gills.”

“Sounds like we both have a lot to get done tomorrow.”She pushed cheer into her voice.Jay was fine—better than fine.“But I know how strong and adaptable you are, stud, and I am certain you’re gonna nail this.”

“I’d rather be nailing you.”He scrunched his nose and laughed with her.“Nope, that’s not me.I’d rather be serving you however you want me to.”

“You kept me company tonight, and you shared about the gifts and your wonderful service to Henry.That’s all a service to me, Jay.”His puppy-wriggle reminded her that care went both ways—all ways, really.Omnidirectional.If she didn’t communicate her praise, he wouldn’t feel it from her.“I appreciate you, sweetheart.”

After four rounds of back-and-forth I love yous and last-minute mentions, she let the call wink out.

Jay was in much better shape than she was.For years she’d worried about becoming a doormat like Mom, letting people walk all over her.But already this year she’d smacked the shit out of Jay’s awful sister, and this weekend she’d nearly gotten into a shouting match with Henry in the living room, and today she’d gleefully envisioned slamming her boot into Adam’s nuts.Maybe she was more like Dad: the fiery grouch, spewing her frustration at everyone around her.Neither would make for a successful marriage.And she was short on better role models.

She rolled her neck toward the nightstand.Almost ten.She should be brushing her teeth and getting under the covers.Except Mom and Dad had joined Adam on the merry-go-round in her head.

Ollie would understand.

She hovered over the chat with her sister.I’m in Sioux Falls.

Squinching her eyes shut, she jabbed Send.

You had better be dressed.

The incoming video call notification co-opted the screen.She accepted.

“Fully dressed.Sister-approved engineering pajama pants and everything.”She slanted the phone to show Ollie her outfit.Ollie had gotten her the pants years ago.The cuffs were fraying.

“Uh-huh.”Ollie pointed a finger at the screen.“Are you going home?What’s going on?Are Henry and Jay with you?Am I gonna be an aunt?”

Oof.That hadn’t even been on her list, but sure, okay, logical conclusion.“Uh, maybe, a work trip, no, and I don’t know, someday, maybe?”

Eyes squinty, Ollie pursed her lips.“So you’re an hour away, but you’re not going home for Christmas?”

“God no.No.I don’t think so.”She shoved aside theprobably notbefore she got mired in that conversation.“I ran into Adam.From college.”

That got a satisfying lift of eyebrows.“The guy who thought you would walk away a year from your degree to follow his ass?”

“That’s the one.”This was much less complicated than explaining to her husbands why she’d be spending the week side by side with her ex.At least it was only for work hours.

Ollie snorted.“What’s that loser doing now?”She hauled her listing body more upright against what looked like couch cushions.“Wait, why did you see him?”

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