Page 118 of Season of Gifts

The chorus of agreement and the clinking of cups jingled like bells.

Chapter sixty-four

Henry

MotherwasinAlice’scapable hands.

Henry steered the sedan down familiar streets with Jay at his side.They’d returned the rental minivan first, using the after-hours box for the keys, as the office went unstaffed on Sundays.The decision was a declaration: when his spouses needed to return to their lives and work in Boston, he would go with them.By then, they would have at least a part-time system in place for Mother’s care.

This morning, his observant, thoughtful wife wouldn’t allow his mother to overtax herself while he and Jay fetched the ingredients for the day’s kitchen marathon.Tomorrow would bring another rehabilitation session and preliminary cooking for the main meals, and Tuesday would bring Robert and his family for the holiday.They would make time then to speak about long-term care options for Mother, ideally presenting a united front she would accept.

Calming classical music flowed beneath Jay’s intermittent announcements as he relayed stories from the days Henry had missed, all of the meaningful moments stored up for him to savor.

“—see when you check my book, but one of my good decisions last week was having dinner with Emma.”Loose and relaxed, Jay sprawled in the passenger seat and idly watched the street signs as they passed.With the mental map skills he’d honed in years of delivery work, he could almost certainly drive them anywhere in the city after a single pass.“Not that it was my decision, exactly—she kinda magically showed up at the bar, but I made the decision not to sit at home and mope.”

Jay’s breakthroughs in the last few months had been enormously beneficial.Forcing him into therapy wouldn’t have had the same effect; Jay had dedicated himself to healing the wounds he’d been dealt.

“I am exceptionally proud of the work you’ve been doing in therapy, Jay.You took charge of your own happiness and acted to alleviate your distress.”Emma’s convenient arrival had been Amelia’s handiwork, undoubtedly.The Cap & Feather’s bartending staff had a reputation for discretion and insight.Unsurprising, given Victor’s ownership stake.Henry turned into the grocery lot—a mob scene, as expected for the final weekend before the holiday.“Although it pains me that neither Alice nor I was present to provide support and encouragement, I am grateful that you had the opportunity to see how much our friends care for you.In fact”—he selected an open space far from the entrance but free of the jockeying taking place farther up the aisle—“I received a call from Will on that very subject.”

Unsnapped, Jay’s seat belt recoiled into the holder.“Master Will called you about me?”

“He did.”Henry cut the engine and stared across the sea of cars.Snowy hills dotted the edges of the lot, pushed aside in previous storms and left to wax and wane until spring.“He was most impassioned on your behalf, and I’m afraid I yet owe him an apology for my short response.”

“Youfought?”Voice rising, Jay twisted sideways in the seat, his back to the window.Black strands swept across one eye, and he raked them back.“You must’ve—” Face stricken, Jay swallowed and bowed his head.“You must’ve really been hurting.”

“As were you.”He matched Jay’s final hush and rested his hand on Jay’s calf, solid muscle beneath sturdy denim.So simple—a casual touch, kneading flesh—and he’d foolishly denied himself the comfort even recognizing the science behind it.“And Will was right to…” How would Jay or Alice put it?“To call me on my bullshit.”

Jay snorted as he laughed.“Okay, first, great use of language, but Alice is right, you swearing is too hot for regular talk, because you only do it when there’s fucking or about to be fucking.”

Fascinating.His submissives contemplated his use of vulgar language as a code-switching practice?“Sometimes a blunt instrument is best.And second?”

“Second…” Jay toyed with Henry’s fingers, traveling up and down his knuckles.“Have you told him?That he was right?”

“I should, but I have not.”Will would understand; Will certainly already understood.They had twenty-eight years of tiffs and apologies between them.That did not by one whit reduce Henry’s obligation to acknowledge and take responsibility for their most recent disagreement.

“How about now?”Jay cast a glance over his shoulder, the cords in his neck beautiful in their strength and grace.“I don’t think this place can get any busier, so a few minutes isn’t gonna make a difference.”

Flipping his hand over, Henry interlaced his fingers with Jay’s.He tilted their clasp, angling until Jay’s wedding band faced him.Jay would wear more markers of their relationship soon, but this would always be the first public sign.His claim, and his promise.His ease and joy.“I am spending time with my husband now.I would not wish to steal time and attention he deserves.”

Jay squeezed his hand hard enough to crush coal into diamond.“Thank you.I—thank you.”A deep breath broadened his chest beneath his open jacket.“But I want you to know something.”

His pulse quickened.“Tell me.”

“Time with you is time with you.Doesn’t matter what you’re doing.I like being near you just like I like being near Alice.”Jay’s soft smile mixed longing and delight, and his eyes shone.“It’s nottakenfrom me.Like if you and Alice are talking about something that is, no offense, kinda boring and academic, I know I can zone out of the words and just listen to your voices, and that’s all I need.It’s like…” He resettled his shoulders, stretched his legs and his neck, and straightened his spine.Jay’s mind traveled on a path of movement, a beautiful communion of body and intellect.“Like hearing your happiness makes me happy, too.It quiets the noise inside, because you love me and you’re right there in front of me.”

Henry’s eyes stung.Even his presence, sans direct attention, soothed Jay.With all he and Alice had learned from the disastrous visit to Jay’s childhood home, the confession wasn’t surprising so much as a truth he ought to have realized ages ago.The neglect in Jay’s formative years had shaped him in ways that therapy would help him unravel.Denying him permission to join Henry in Maine sooner had wounded him more deeply than refusing a simple bid for attention.Henry had denied his husband the space where he belonged, the place at his side.He cleared the lump in his throat with a quiet cough.“I will endeavor to remember that always, dearest.Lest I forget, we will add phrasing to our contract that you may rely upon to make me aware of when your needs are going unmet.”

Bouncing lightly in his seat, Jay rolled their handclasp over and under.“I’ll work on suggestions in my wish book this week.And you’ll call Master Will now, so it’s not taking up brain space you need for other stuff?”

Mending his friendship would indeed reduce his mental load.“I will call, yes.And if you get bored, you are free to wander about.”

“But I can stay here?”

He squeezed Jay’s hand.“You may stay as long as you like.”

The call rang twice before Will greeted him.“Feeling better?”

“Jay and Alice have set me to rights.”

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