Page 44 of SEAL's Doorstep Baby

“What’s the kid’s name?”

I can’t help it. I pull out my phone, flipping it over so she can see my home screen—Maddie, wearing her Halloween costume. She’s dressed like a bumblebee.

“Maddison,” I say. “Maddie.”

“She’s beautiful,” Naomi whispers. I can see a sort of longing on her face. It almost breaks my heart. “Do you have help taking care of her?”

“Yeah I do. Tons of help. I have someone who is with her most of the time. Her godmother.”

I don’t know why I don’t tell her that Allison is living with me as well, but the moment has passed, and bringing it up now would be all shades of weird.

“I’m glad to hear that. None of this is easy for you, I know that, but some selfish part of me can’t help but wish that you had reached out to me the moment you needed help.”

I hadn’t even thought about Naomi in the midst of everything that happened after Emily’s accident, but I’m not a big enough fool to tell her that.

“Aside from the fact that I didn’t think you would even want to see me, I wouldn’t call you out of the blue just because I needed your help for something. That would be completely messed up for me to do.”

“Why would…” She starts to protest but I cut her off before she can get a full head of steam going.

“The reason why it’s messed up is because you’re the kind of person to drop everything and come running. But I wouldn’t burden you with all of this Naomi. My conscience wouldn’t let me.”

Silence follows my words as she thinks about what I have said and it seems like I might have gotten through to her. “Okay. I can understand. I’m glad little Maddison has an uncle like you and a godmother who is there for her, too.”

Another long pause is followed by a question. “Can I come and see her, at least?”

Her question throws me for a loop before I realize she’s asking to see Maddie, not Allison. I know I have to discuss it with Allison before she can come and see her.

“Not right now because we already have plans, including ones for Thanksgiving, but we can work something out soon. How about this? Let’s exchange contacts so we can stay in touch. When the time is right, we’ll set something up.” I hand her the phone, and after a brief moment, we swap numbers. It feels like a small step, but it’s the beginning of clearing up this mess. “I will call you when it’s a good time to come see her.”

“I’ll be waiting for that call.” She promises, but I know giving her the chance to meet Maddie because she wants to might come with complications, especially because of Allie. So she was just coming to see Maddie. Just that. “This is confusing in a lot of ways Jake.”

“Sorry, what is confusing?”

“You. Settling down and everything else you’re doing now.” She starts, and with a sinking feeling I can already guess what she is thinking. “We didn’t work out because you weren’t ready to do that yet. The whole family thing wasn’t something you wanted then, but things have changed now, haven’t they?”

I know what she is talking about. When it was clear that I wasn’t ready to start a family, even though she wanted one, we had decided that it would be best to split up. Somehow it had turned full circle and I was the one starting a family now.

“I mean, I get that it’s different,” she adds hastily, eyes huge as she worries that she’s upset me. “But I—I just mean—well, it’s a shock, that’s all.”

I nod.

She looks at me hopefully.

I realize Naomi is probing lightly to see if the fact I’m having to raise a family now means that we could get back together, and do it with each other. If things were different, if I didn’t have Allie in my life, then maybe I would be doing it now, and giving her the family she always wanted.

“I know. But more than one thing has changed, Naomi.” I feel nervous, anxious, even, to say something—like it’ll jinx something. Despite being together in almost every way that matters, we haven’t actually had a conversation about how things have changed between us. But… I still say the words. “I have met someone, now.”

Calling Allison my ‘someone’ is definitely going to rub Naomi the wrong way, but I can’t lie to her or lead her on when I know that she won’t be able to fill that position in my life. Not anymore.

When I think of someone next to me as I raise Maddie, the only thing that goes through my mind is images and flashes of eyes like green fire and a temperament to match.

“The godmother?” Naomi has always been unnervingly perceptive and it is no different now. “I’m ready to fight for it if that’s what it takes?”

This isn’t a sitcom. There’s no way ‘a fight for my heart’ can end well.

A small part of me—the proud and self-absorbed part—is happy to bask in the attention of having people ready to do what it takes to be with me, but the more rational part of my brain reminds me that these ‘competitors’ are beautiful and wonderful women who should never have to get hurt because of me. They are selfless, and the worst thing I can do is play with their hearts or lead them on.

“That sounds like something from television.” I say to her. She can find the humor in it too, because she lets out a laugh. “I’m serious. This isn’t a movie. This is real life and I don’t want you hurt in any way because of this. I don’t want you fighting for me, Naomi.”

---