Page 11 of SEAL's Doorstep Baby

Chapter five

JACOB

My heart is heavy, but I am filled with purpose. I know all the ways I have failed Emily, and I can’t change any of that. What I can control are the conditions Maddie will live in, and as her only surviving relative, I have complete custody over her.

Almost. There is Jeff to think about.

I know a fair amount of family law from the various guys in the navy who would share, complain, and lament about it. What I do know is that if Jeff is on a birth certificate somewhere and hasn’t given up his rights, there’s a good chance that Maddie will go to him if he wants her.

I need more details, but Allison has been pretty tight-lipped.

I don’t know if she is ready to talk about all of that, but it is a real thing we have to address. I make good time on my way back, and before I know it, I am pulling into the driveway of my home. I see Allison’s car is still parked in the driveway.Good!

It is comforting to know they are okay right where I left them. I know I’m being overprotective, but it’s all I can do to keepmyself from panicking every time they’re out of my line of sight. I don’t know how much longer Allison will let me keep her locked up like this, or how long it’s even fair, since Maddie is my responsibility, but I’m hoping she gives me at least another week.

Of course, we’re all going to have to brave the roads for the funeral.

The practical reminder slows me down, helping me right myself again. In a way, I feel more like myself when I’m thinking logically. I wipe my hands across my face.

The last week has been so go-go-go. It’s been easy not to let my thoughts linger too long on Emily, even when I’m planning things like her funeral. I’ve been good at losing myself in the logistics—in the mission.

But after the funeral… well, what will be left to do? Besides just… raising Maddie?

I shake my head. No time to think of that now.

Stepping up to the porch, I realize I never had the foresight to program Allison’s number into my phone so I could call her on my way back. I left my house key with Allison, since I only have one. The door’s locked, but I’m afraid to ring the doorbell and wake Maddie up if she’s sleeping.

I peer in through the windows, but I can’t see her. I weigh my options, but eventually decide to knock.

It doesn’t take long for me to realize I should have gotten a spare key when I first moved in.

I’ll be sure to get a second set made. When she finally opens the door, my heart steadies immediately at seeing her. Any earlier annoyance instantly vanishes.

“Hello, Jake. Welcome back.” Allison beams.

Automatically, I smile back. She is eager to have me back, and I’m level headed enough to realize that it isn’t me she’senthusiastic about, she is just glad to have someone around. Since she has been the first to extend an olive branch by using my nickname, I have to do the same too, and honestly, it is no hard task. I've warmed up to Allison more in these few days than in the last few years I've known her.

“Allie, thank you.” I pull her into a quick hug which stuns her. Cocking my head to the side, I observe her for a few seconds, and I spy a blush rushing up her cheeks. It seems good wisdom not to mention it, and so I don’t. “Are you good?”

She nods. “Just glad you’re back. How did… the funeral home… go?” Allison is hesitant, like she isn’t even sure how to phrase her question.

I get it. “Everything’s planned. It’s taken care of.”

Her relief is immediate. “I… Well, I can help.”

I don’t want to offend her, but… “It’s my responsibility.” Her eyes narrow, so I continue quickly. “I need your help with Maddie.”

“Okay. That’s good to hear. Maddie is sleeping. She went straight to sleep just after you left. She should be waking up anytime now.”

Like a prophet, Maddie starts crying again. I don’t know if my arrival is what has woken her out of her sleep, but she’s awake and needs attention.

Already, a part of me is itching to be with her. It’s like a part of my heart is left with Maddie. I know that it’s part of my grieving, but it’s also partly just her.

Allison follows behind me as I make my way to the makeshift nursery we’ve set up. It’s just a bunch of boxes and a pack-and-play, but for two weeks of guardianship, it’s good enough.

“I think she wants to eat. That’s why I put her to bed so she could wake up hungry.”

“Okay that was a good plan. Thank you, Allie.” I want to pick her up and feed her, but I am still in the clothes in which I went to the funeral home. I smell like death. Even if Maddie doesn’t know it, I don’t want her to smell that. I don’t want her to associate me with it. “Do you think you could hold her for a bit? I want to get out of these clothes.”

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