Page 4 of A Life Betrayed

“Glad I caught you. Can we speak a moment in my office?”

Rayan hesitated, pondering his escape. He could make an excuse and say he didn’t have time. Something about the philosophy department’s wood-paneled corridors and plush faculty offices made him feel uneasy, like he was out of his depth. But he didn’t have anywhere else to be, and whatever this was would be better dealt with now than later.

Rayan nodded.

The professor smiled. “Great, I’m down this way.” He fell into step beside Rayan, and they headed along the hallway to his office.

Once inside, Professor Hofstein gestured toward the armchair across from his desk and closed the door behind him. “You always seem in a hurry to leave,” he teased. “Got much else on?”

Rayan’s eyes flitted about the room, taking in the shelves of books and the framed certificates on the wall behind the professor’s head. His mind filed away the details, the way it had for very different reasons in his former life.

“Not really.” Rayan didn’t see the point of lingering in the department building with the other students who stood around, making small talk about grades and upcoming assignments.

“Looks like you’re on the accelerated stream. So you’ve only got your thesis left before graduation,” Hofstein said, taking a seat behind the desk and pulling out a folder from one of the drawers. “Quite impressive. Not many students complete their bachelors’ in five semesters.”

Studying had proven an efficient activity to absorb the time, and with the money Mathias had left him, Rayan didn’t need to hold down a job. He’d spent the summers taking courses instead.

“You wanted to see me?” he asked, evading the professor’s praise.

Hofstein chuckled. “A man of few words, it seems. I got an email from the faculty admin informing me that you’d requested I act as your supervisor. To be honest, I was a bit surprised. I hadn’t noticed you much in tutorials. But then I went and read this.”

He opened the folder and took out Rayan’s thesis proposal. Rayan had been instructed to attach it to the supervisor request so they could determine whether he was a good fit. He’d only selected Hofstein because he was taking his class on virtue ethics and admired his thoughtful observations. Otherwise, he didn’t really have a preference.

“Circumstantial morality.” The professor shook his head with a grin. “It reads at a PhD level.”

Rayan shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He hadn’t meant for the proposal to be so long, but he’d found himself caught up in the subject, entangled in a compelling web of reason.

“What are you, mid-twenties?”

Rayan nodded. He would be twenty-six in two months. The number seemed ancient. There had been a time when he’d thought he would never make it this far.

“Older than most of the undergraduates in the program,” Hofstein continued. “Bit more life experience, I’d imagine. What were you doing before this?”

Rayan stiffened. “Nothing, really. Odd jobs.”

The professor nodded. “And what brought you to philosophy?”

Rayan had struggled with that question. He remembered staring at the list of degrees and feeling nothing. He’d considered something practical, but he had done enough with his hands. He figured it was time to do something with his mind.

“A good argument can explain any number of sins,” he said finally.

Hofstein laughed. “That it can, but what it can’t do is change how we feel about them. That’s the whole dilemma, isn’t it? We can use the logic of philosophy as an explanation, but do we really believe it…” He lightly tapped his fist against his chest. “In here?”

Rayan crossed his arms, suddenly defensive. “You don’t agree with the thesis?”

“No, that’s not it. I didn’t mean to get off track.” He laughed again and absently thumbed through the pages of the proposal. “Nagel certainly does, as did Williams. The idea that morality comes down to an element of luck can be appealing to certain people.”

Like me?

“You’ve made some good points about the fallacies of the argument, as well as subsequent theories that it’s spurred. I’d like to see you bring in more practical examples, maybe touch on a few modern musings of redemption to add color to the concept.”

“Redemption,” Rayan echoed. “What do the scholars have to say about that?”

Professor Hofstein was silent for a moment, observing him with a kind smile. “Well, Mainländer argued it could only beachieved through death or complete annihilation, which I think is a tad heavy-handed. Nietzsche’s idea of redemption takes the form of an altered understanding of past events. Personally, I’m rather fond of the Hebrew model, where redemption is pursued through mitzvahs—good deeds. Whether they cancel out prior misconduct, that’s another argument.”

“Sadaqah,” Rayan said quietly, the word materializing on his tongue.

“That’s right, the equivalent in Islam. Religions tend to position themselves more leniently on the subject than philosophers.” Hofstein sat back and pressed his thumbs together reflectively. “What are your plans after graduation? Where are you headed?”

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