Page 41 of A Life Chosen

Rayan frowned, silent.

Mathias was looking at him now. “What?”

“Who’re you going to get to replace me?” It was a simple question, aimed at his boss’s shoulder so Rayan didn’t have to look him in the eye.

Mathias shrugged. “Someone local. Familiar with the city.”

The way he spoke, as if swapping Rayan for another was simply a matter of logistics… interchangeable toy soldiers… The thought made his blood boil. “So that’s it?” Rayan asked flatly.

He wanted more. He asked for so little, but this time, he deserved more than the party line. He wanted Mathias to acknowledge the reliance they’d built on one another, which had kept them alive in many a hairy situation. He owed Rayan that at least.

“Want me to say something indulgent?” Mathias taunted him. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this…” He looked away, his handsome face darkening. “It’s that everyone can be replaced. You, me—we’re all fucking expendable.”

Rayan’s shoulders went slack. He felt the willpower that had kept him pliant and obedient drain out of him. “That all for today?”

Mathias gave him a sharp look.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Rayan said curtly, turning and heading back the way they’d come.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Mathias called out, the warning in his voice clear.

Rayan kept walking.

Mathias called later that evening, when Rayan was back at his apartment, stewing.

“Come for a drink.”

He’d been expecting something more along the lines of a harshly worded dressing-down. Rayan was immediately suspicious. “Why?”

“Humor me,” his capo said.

They met at a lounge bar on Saint Denis, Mathias ordering a scotch neat, Rayan a black coffee.

“You don’t drink because you’re religious or because your father’s an alcoholic,” the man observed.

Rayan stiffened at hearing a name for the drunken tumult he’d lived through as a child. “I never told you that.”

“Educated guess.”

Rayan stared at him. “I’m not religious.”

The truth was, he didn’t trust himself, convinced that given the opportunity, he’d disappear down the black hole, like his father and his brother. He’d inherited a set of faulty genes hardwired for addiction.

“How is it you know so much about me, and I know nothing about you?”

Mathias pulled out his cigarettes. “What do you want to know?”

“What’s the catch?” Rayan shot back.

Mathias lit a smoke, leaned back in his chair. “Try me.”

The questions reeled through his mind.What were you like as a kid? What is this thing between us? Did you always know you were different?

“Why did you join?” he asked finally, afraid that if he took too long, Mathias would revoke his offer.

“I had something to prove.”

“To your father?”

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