Page 5 of Broken King

I nod, not caring about this new person or anything else.

Ava gives me one last smile before she heads out of my room with the baby, leaving me alone like I prefer. I sometimes wish she would give up on trying to cheer me up. Same with Eleanor. Just accept this is who I am now.

I’ve accepted my life. Why can’t they?

Every item hungin this room reminds me of the life I wanted and will never have. The picture of me on the All-Star Little League team that almost made it to Williamsport. We got so close. The whole team was disappointed, but we never had more fun than that year on our World Series run.

The New York Yankees pennant and ticket stub from my first baseball game when I was just ten. My mother wasn’t feeling well that day, but she promised we’d go see the Yankees, so she drove all of us, along with Ava and Andrew, to the Bronx. We ate so many hot dogs Kellen got sick on the way home, but even that didn’t ruin our time. The five of us talked about that day for months afterward.

My first baseball uniform shirt my mother framed for me right before she passed away. She hadn’t been able to get out of bed all that week, but she worked through the pain to surprise me with that gift. I remember my father hanging it right where it is today. They were both so proud.

In the corner on top of my chest of drawers sits my first baseball glove. I wouldn’t be able to fit even my fingers in it now, but when I was a little boy, that was my prized possession. Matthias and Theo showed me how to oil it, and I’d sit every night after dinner and finishing my homework rubbing that glove.

I close my eyes, unable to look at any of it for another second. All I ever worried about was not being able to make it to the major leagues because I dropped a fly ball or screwed up on a double play.

Now I can’t even think of even being able to do either of those things.

As I slowly slip into my gloom, my door opens and I look to see it’s Kellen and Matthias. They’ve already seen I’m not sleeping, so there’s no escaping their visit.

“Still in bed? What is this like the fiftieth day in a row? Jesus, Ronan. You better get up or your legs will forget to work,” Kellen says as he plops down in the chair next to my bed.

I don’t even attempt to hide how much I don’t want to listen to whatever it is he’s come to tell me and turn my head to stare out the window. If he and Matthias cared at all about how I feel, they’d leave me alone.

My oldest brother takes his own approach to convince me to join the land of the living, walking around to the other side of my bed and blocking my view of the outside. “How are you today?” he asks hesitantly.

Glaring up at him, I sigh, already tired of the two of them. “I’m fine. I’d like to be alone. I was sleeping,” I lie.

Matthias levels his gaze on me, obviously not believing anything I’ve said as he takes his position leaning against the window frame. “Kellen and I thought you might want to go swimming. He took the day off, and I’m working from home today, but I can blow off work for a few hours to hang out with you guys.”

“No.”

Dressed in a gray suit and black dress shirt with a pink and gray tie I’m sure Ava picked out, he doesn’t look like he’s working from home. At least Kellen seems like he may actually be here to enjoy himself. Then again, how hard would it be for him to change out of shorts and a t-shirt and back into a suit?

I watch as Matthias’s expression morphs from slightly hopeful to discouraged in a flash, but Kellen isn’t as easily persuaded. Beside me, he pushes on the pillows behind me like he always used to when I was sick as a little boy.

“Come on. Sitting here in this room day and night for weeks has got to be making you nuts. Nobody’s saying you have to go out in public or anything. Just down to the pool. Maybe get in.I bet Ava will put those little swimmies things on Theo after she slathers him in sunscreen. It’ll be fun!”

As much as I don’t want to deal with him, I turn to my right and stare into his eyes as I say, “What about no don’t you understand?”

Even as he continues to play the clown, I see he understands this isn’t going to happen today. If he was being honest with himself, he’d admit it’s never going to happen again. I don’t want to hang out at the pool. I don’t want to do anything with anyone.

Why can’t my family just leave me alone?

I close my eyes to avoid the look of pity I know they’re both giving me. I don’t want pity. I don’t want anything.

I just want to be left alone.

Kellen taps me on my shoulder before standing up. “Okay, Ronan. If you change your mind, we’ll be down at the pool trying to teach little Theo how to swim.”

The sound of his footsteps tells me he leaves, but Matthias is still sitting against the window frame, which means he has something he wants to say. Terrific.

I wait, but he remains silent, so I finally open my eyes and there it is. Pity. Fuck, I hate that. Why does he have to look at me like I’m some pathetic creature he feels bad for?

“Since you’re still here, I’m assuming you have something you want to say to me, so say it and let me be.”

He folds his arms across his chest and sighs. “The doctor said you need to start getting out every so often.”

“I go to my doctor’s appointments every week, so I get out.”

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