Page 23 of Broken King

Once Ava recovers from the shock of what I said, she looks over at Sabrina who’s cleaning off the new baby’s face of something that looks like what you’d throw up if you ate a rancid can of peas. “Oh, I sent her up only because we were hoping you might want to hang out with all of us today. She didn’t mean any harm, Ronan.”

“It’s as if you either didn’t hear what I said just one day ago or you didn’t understand it. Which is it? Because either way, that person came into my room just a minute ago.”

My sister-in-law looks like she’s going to cry, and when I glance over at Matthias, I can see he’s not feeling a whole lot of brotherly love right now. Too bad.

“Whoa, wait a minute, Ronan. Ava didn’t mean to upset you. Sabrina didn’t either. They were just trying to?—”

I cut him off before he goes any further. “I don’t care. You said when you brought me here that I wouldn’t be bothered. I’m officially fucking bothered right now.”

That’s all it takes. One slip up with my language in front of the kids, and my brother is out of his chair and marching toward me like some kind of man on a mission.

“Ava, I’ll be back. Don’t wait for me to let the boys swim. Ronan and I need to have a conversation.”

He grabs me by the arm and yanks me back toward the house before I can say another word. About my size but much stronger since he hasn’t spent the last few months lying in bed, he hasno problem moving me exactly where he wants me to go, and in seconds, the two of us are back inside in the living room.

I’ve seen Matthias angry before. Most of his life he’s been angry for various reasons, much of which I never understood. I’ve never seen him this pissed off before, though.

In no time, he’s up in my face practically breathing fire. “I’ve had enough of your bullshit, Ronan. I get it. Life sucks for you. I’m sorry for that. You have no idea how much I wish I could change everything that happened to you. But you will not disrespect Ava or anyone who works here, no matter how fucking miserable you are, and you will not talk that way around my sons.”

As angry as he is, I stand toe to toe with him, not backing down an inch. “Then make sure she understands I don’t want anyone in my room.”

I’m not sure which part of that upsets him enough to shove me, but he sends me flying back into the wall. I can’t help but be shocked since I don’t think my oldest brother has ever done that with me. Oh, he and Theo used to have epic fights as kids, and more than once, I’ve seen him spar with Marius, but that brother never seemed interested in a knock-down-drag-out fight. Kellen and I never got a dose of Matthias’s full wrath because we were always so much younger than him.

Seems that’s changed. Okay. He wants to fight? I’m more than ready. He has no idea how much pent-up anger I have inside me.

“Talk about my wife like that again, and I swear to God, Ronan, you’re going to regret it,” he barks about an inch away from my face.

I shove him away with my left hand, surprising him. “Don’t fuck with me, Matthias. All I want is to be left alone. Why is that so difficult for you and everyone else here to understand?”

“We brought you here because we wanted to make sure you were safe. We’re your family, and we love you. I would never forgive myself if you did anything to hurt yourself again, Ronan. Why do you have to make this so difficult?”

Something inside me snaps at his asinine question, and I throw up my right arm so he has no choice but to look at it. “Because everything for me is fucking difficult, Matthias! I couldn’t even put a goddamned Band-Aid on my foot yesterday and had to let your damn babysitter do it because I couldn’t get the fucking wrapper off it. I’m a grown man who has nothing to look forward to when I wake up in the morning! Everything I’ve ever wanted in life was lost when they cut my fucking hand off! Do you understand how that feels? I doubt it. You’ve never had anything this terrible happen to you, so keep your opinions on how I am to yourself!”

All the anger seems to instantly drain away from him, leaving Matthias looking nothing but sad in front of me once again. “I know this is hard, Ronan. I might not have ever experienced loss like you have, but I understand. I just wish you’d see how much we want to be here for you, if you’d only let us.”

He doesn’t get it. Nobody does. It doesn’t matter how much I try to explain what I’m going through to them. They don’t get it.

Exhausted from my little trip outside and this emotional outburst with my brother, I slump against the wall. “I don’t want anyone to be here for me. I didn’t want to be saved that night Marius found me. I have nothing to live for. If there’s any justice in this world, some meteorite will land in my bedroom and take me out of my misery. Until then, all I want is to be left alone.”

My brother takes a deep breath in and lets it out slowly before saying, “Okay, Ronan. We won’t bother you again.”

I see the tears in his eyes before he walks away, his shoulders sagging and the rest of his body looking like I feel. As the door tothe outside closes behind him, a tiny spark of regret bites at me, but I push that away as fast as it comes.

None of this is anything I asked for, so what do I have to regret? I never wanted to barge in on his happily married life with Ava and their kids.

By the time I get back to my room, my mood is worse than ever. I don’t want to make Matthias as unhappy as I am. Maybe it would be better if I left here. He and Ava will fight me on that because they’re worried I’ll try to off myself again, but what would be the loss?

A knock at my door makes my anger come raging back, but nobody comes in. Is this their idea of leaving me alone? Looks like I needed to be a little clearer.

“Ronan, it’s Ava. I’m sorry you got so upset. I never meant to make you unhappy. All I ever want is for you to get better.”

She says that like I have some disease I’ll eventually recover from, or there’s some medicine that’s going to heal me if I only give it enough time. There’s no magic pill or potion to fix what happened to me. I wish there was.

I walk over to the door and open it to see her standing in the hallway staring up at me with tears in her eyes. As much as I want to mention what she’s doing isn’t leaving me alone, I don’t. I’m surly, but I’m not a total dick.

At least not at this moment.

“I’m sorry, Ronan. Please forgive me. I just want you to be your old happy self again,” she says, sniffling through her tears.

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