Page 11 of Broken King

I lift up my right arm and show her how my hand and half my forearm are gone now. I see the horror fill her eyes, just like it always does with everyone when they see me now.

“Nice, huh? I go from having it all to having no point in fucking living all in one night. Take a good look at it, Kate. This is what you came over to see, isn’t it?”

My words are intentionally sharp and hurtful, but I regret not a single syllable. If she doesn’t like hearing what I have to say, she can leave. Nobody asked her to come here today.

“Don’t say that. You have a million reasons to live. And I don’t care about looking at what you lost. That’s not why I came here.”

She forgets I know her almost as well as I know myself. I know exactly what brought her here.

Pity.

Kate can’t help herself. I’ve seen her rescue kittens from rainstorms and little kids who got lost in the park. Every time she tried to save someone, she wore the same expression she does now, and it’s nothing but pure fucking pity.

I look past her and shake my head. “I don’t need you here. I don’t need anyone. Just leave me alone. Why does everyone think I want to see people? What fucking good does that do? Do you have a spare arm and hand? Because if you don’t, then go the fuck home and live your life, Kate.”

She sniffles and then clears her throat. Jesus, if she starts crying, I’m going to fucking lose it.

Thankfully, I don’t hear any sobbing, but when I look at her again, I see tears in her eyes. Great. Sorry, sweetheart. I’m not the guy who can help you see the good in life or tell you everything’s going to be okay anymore because it’s not.

“I didn’t mean to upset you, Ronan. I just wanted to come by and tell you I’m around if you want to talk or anything.”

“Well, I don’t.”

Still, that doesn’t make her leave. Kate always was too kind.

She reaches out to touch my left hand, but I snatch it back before she can reach me. “Don’t touch me! Just fucking go! Leave me alone and don’t come back here!”

That finally does the trick, and she runs from the room crying. Good. Now she’ll see there’s no point in coming here with her pity and her hope that she can cheer me up.

Alone again, I close my eyes and push away the first hints of regret that begin to crop up inside my brain. I have nothing to regret, so fuck that. Nobody understands. They would if they lost the only part of them that ever meant anything. If that happened, they’d want to die just like I do.

Why did Marius have to find me at my apartment that day? I would have been out of my misery and all the pain. Why couldn’t he let me have that? Why did he have to be so goddamned selfish and save me when all I wanted was to die?

I don’t want to think of anything, but my brain has a different idea and the memory of that holiday party when Kate’s parents finally met my father and brothers floods my mind. Why does that keep coming back to haunt me? What good does it do to remember how happy I was with her then?

Kate squeezes my hand, and I look around the party to see no one seems to be paying attention to us. Good. Now’sour chance to sneak away and have our own private party upstairs.

Leaning down, I whisper in her ear, “I think we can make our getaway. Let’s go up to my room. We can get some privacy there. All this smiling for our parents is making my cheeks hurt.”

She smiles up at me and nods, so I slowly begin backing up toward the door at the far end of the living room. My father is regaling a group of people, including her mother and father, with some story of when the five of us kids were young. He’s probably telling the one about how Theo convinced Kellen and me to stand still while he covered us in snow to be his own personal snowmen. He always loves telling people that one.

“What if someone see us?” Kate whispers as we take a few more steps closer to the door.

With a laugh, I answer, “I’ll tell them I’m showing you where the bathroom is.”

Kate rolls her eyes at what might be the lamest excuse I could think up. “Yeah, like anyone is going to believe that. You’re practically dragging me away like a caveman.”

I wink at her mention of that and say, “I’m not pulling you out of the room by your hair. I’m just being a gentleman showing you where the ladies’ room is. Now let’s go before one of my brothers screws this up for us.”

Kellen eyes me making my way out of the room and gives me a knowing look. Now I just hope he doesn’t ruin everything by announcing to my father that we’re leaving.

We take a few final steps out into the hallway, and we’re finally home free. I tilt my head toward the stairs and pull Kate along. She catches up easily, and then the two of us run upstairs to the second floor, hand-in-hand giggling the whole way.

When we finally reach my room, I hurry her inside and lock the door. “I thought maybe Kellen would rat us out, but hedoesn’t seem to be into busting balls tonight. I’m surprised since he and Marius have been all about the women hating lately.”

Kate smiles as she looks up at the framed picture of me when I was in Little League hanging on the wall opposite my bed. “You were so cute! I can’t get over how adorable you were back then.”

I come up behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist and leaning down so my chin rests on her left shoulder. She smells so incredible tonight, even though I know she’s wearing that same perfume she always wears.

---