Page 80 of Rainbow Kisses

“Hey, kid. You okay?”

“Yeah. I guess.” She took a deep breath and blew it out, mist forming in the air in front of her. “I don’t know. I’m just…”

Fuck. Just…fuck. I didn’t know how to deal with this. Didn’t know what to say. What to do to make this better for her. I didn’t want to say the wrong thing, but I had to say something. I couldn’t just watch her twist herself into knots.

Jesus, how had I let it get to this? What had I missed? She’d seemed okay after seeing Lin. I’d figured she needed some time to decompress. I should’ve known. I should’ve asked. I should’ve paid more attention. I should’ve donesomething.

So, what the hell did I do now? She was twelve. Did I lie and tell her everything was going to be okay? But that wasn’t right. That was a page out of my dad’s playbook. And no fucking way was that the right thing to do.

I took a breath and sat. “Okay, then let’s figure out how you’re feeling.”

She looked up at me with wild eyes, like a cat trapped in a cage. And shivered. Shit, it was cold out here.

“But not out here,” I said. “Let’s go back inside where it’s warm and talk.”

She looked over her shoulder through the window. “There’s people in there.”

“Yeah, but I’m pretty sure Rain will have somewhere we can talk in private.”

Putting my arm around her, I stood, bringing her with me, grateful she didn’t put up any resistance. When we walked through the door, I caught Rain’s eye. She and Erin were talking, but they stopped to look at us. Rain walked around the counter, her expression calm.

“What do you need?”

“Is there somewhere Maddy and I can talk?”

She nodded immediately. “Sure. Follow me.”

Rain led us through the kitchen then opened another door that led into the building next to it. The bookstore they were planning to open in a month or so. They’d done a lot more workthan I’d realized. Bookshelves lined the walls, though there were no books in them yet. There were two huge, comfortable-looking leather chairs. And it wasn’t cold.

“If you need anything, just let me know.” Rain’s smile eased some of the tightness in my chest. Then she disappeared back into the kitchen, closing the door behind her.

We sat in silence for a few seconds, our breathing the only sound in the room.

“All right, Mads. Tell me everything you’re thinking. Just spit it all out. No judgment. If you just want me to sit here and listen to you spew words, I’m here for that.”

She didn’t speak right away, and it took all my self-control not to push her. Because I wanted to help. I wanted to be the person she needed right now.

Finally, after at least a minute, she said, “I’m angry. And I don’t want to be angry.”

I saw the anger in her face, but I also saw the guilt and the sadness and the fear. I understood all those emotions because I felt the same.

“I’m angry too, hon. And I’m scared.”

Her eyes narrowed a little. “Why are you scared?”

“Because I don’t know what’s going to happen. No one does, and that sucks. I hate being scared, but it doesn’t mean I’m not going to keep moving forward. And keep believing that things will be better.”

Her lower lip trembled. “Mom looked good. But?—”

She cut herself off and looked away, her cheeks flushing, like she was ashamed.

“But you’re worried she’ll fall back into old habits when she gets out. I feel the same way.”

Now her eyes widened. “You do?”

“Yeah, but you weren’t there when she asked me to care for you before she went into the program. She looked determined.She looked ready to fight. Now you and I have to show her that we believe she can do it. This is just part of the process.”

She sat and breathed for a few seconds. “You really think this time she can do it?”

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