Page 11 of Oblivion

But even as I try to convince myself in my head, my heart is rebelling, demanding that I claim her now, that I prove to her that she belongs to me and leaving is expressly forbidden. So instead, I stay silent, listening as each of my family takes turns assuring her that she’s loved, needed, and wanted.

All the things I feel rush into my mind, and I draft a million monologues telling her why she’s mine, why she doesn’t ever get to leave. But my mouth doesn’t open, and I fight the urge to let anything slip free.

I can’t tell her to stay, no matter how much I want to. I can’t promise her anything because it doesn’t matter how much I want her or how certainly I know she’s mine. I can’t risk breaking her, and the longer we’re both here, the more sure I am that if I acted on my feelings, I’d not only ruin Sammy, but I’d destroy any chance of a relationship with Starling too.

My dad and Cassidy told us after Starling and Sebastian’s wedding that they’re expecting a baby. I’m going to have a brother or sister. Starling and I are going to share a tangible sibling, something that will link us together forever.

I know Starling believes that she’s trying to find a way to forgive me for the things I’ve done, but I never want our new baby brother or sister to know how terrible a person I am. If I break Starling’s best friend, she’ll never forgive me, and she’ll poison the baby against me.

I can’t have that. I’ve wanted a sibling bond with Starling since our parents got together. I understand why we can’t have that, but I have a chance at that with the baby, and I won’t do anything to risk that.

Hunter and Bunny’s wedding is small and kind of perfect, but once it’s over, instead of staying at the beach house for the next week until school starts, Sammy flies back to DC.

I don’t say anything to her, but I encourage Sebastian to make her stay. I can’t explain it, but it feels like if she leaves, we might never see her again. Even if that’s for the best, I know I can’t give her up, not quite yet.

If all I get of her is seeing her at a distance, sharing a table with her when we eat, and watching over her when she’s out, then I’ll take it. I’ll never truly claim her as mine, but that doesn’t mean I’m any less hers. She owns me. She just doesn’t have a clue.

Two Weeks Later

We’re all in the kitchen when Starling gets a call from Sammy. I can’t hear everything that’s said, but I watch the emotions bloom across Starling’s face, and by the time she says goodbye, she’s pale and visibly shaken.

“What’s the matter?” Bastian asks.

“Sammy’s dad had a heart attack. He’s in the hospital. It’s touch and go,” Starling whispers.

“I’ll ready the jet,” Bastian growls.

“No,” Starling says. “Sammy said not to come. That it’s immediate family only at the hospital.”

“We can still be with her,” January says.

“He’s having surgery today. She said she’d call me after it was done. She asked me to let the school know that she has a family emergency and won’t be starting classes,” Starling says, blinking as she struggles to stay calm and relay the information Sammy’s given her.

“I’ll call Dean Livingstone,” Hunter says, pushing up from his seat at the table and lifting his cell to his ear as he steps out of the room.

“I’ve never even met her dad,” Starling mumbles. “I’ve never met either of her parents. She’s met both of mine. Why haven’t I met hers? Is that weird? I really want to be there for her, like she’s been for me, but I don’t want to give her more to worry about when she’s so worried about her dad.”

“Let’s wait until she calls later. I’ll have the pilot on standby so we can fly out if she needs us,” Bastian tells Starling, pulling her into a tight hug.

One Week Later

“Sammy just called. Her dad’s still in the ICU, although they’re saying he’s stable but at risk. I told her you said you could get that surgeon your dad knows to consult, but she said his current doctor felt confident that he wouldn’t need any more surgery,” Starling tells Bastian while the rest of us listen.

“Did she get the care package we sent her?” January asks.

“I’m not sure. She didn’t mention it, but she did say she and her mom have been staying at a hotel near the hospital so they’re close just in case, so maybe she hasn’t been home.”

My fingers hurt from the pressure of holding them so tightly in fists beneath the table. Every day since Sammy called to say her dad was in the hospital, I’ve fought the urge to go to her, to take care of her, to support her. But she doesn’t want me there. Why would she? I told her she wasn’t mine. I never said a word when she talked about leaving. Going to her now would be about what I need, not what she needs. So instead, I’ll force myself to sit here, redundant, useless while she copes with her dad being sick with just her mother for support.

“I offered to come, just to bring them food and be there for them, but she said friends of her parents are helping with her dad’s business and making sure her mom goes to the hotel and rests,” Starling says, exhaling wearily.

“She’ll tell us if she needs us,” Bastian says, trying to comfort his wife.

“I know it’s selfish, but I miss her. I want to be there for her, but I don’t want to be in the way.”

“I know, Little Bird. Once her dad is out of the ICU, we’ll fly out and check on her,” Bastian says, cupping Starling’s cheek and leaning forward to rest his forehead against hers.

Three Months Later

---