Page 94 of Defend Me

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” he says.

Resolve hardens for a brief moment in Alice’s eyes. “You’ll make them pay for this, right? You won’t let Pat’s death be in vain.”

“Don’t worry,” I promise her. An older couple emerges at the end of the hall.

“Mom,” Alice croaks, as her parents surround her.

Noah touches my arm gently. “Come on, Von,” he says. “Let’s go.”

I allow Noah to lead me down the hall and out onto the sidewalk. Tears prick my eyes, hot and sudden. Panic tightens in my chest.

“I can’t believe this,” Noah says, dazed. “He had a family. He had kids. Who could do this to him?”

I shake my head. “I don’t know. But this is bad for the case, Noah. Dale’s testimony is no good without Patrick.Heis—was the linchpin. He put you too far from the crime scene to have committed the murder. He knew you personally and his identification carried more weight.” I feel so helpless. Everything seems to be falling apart. “Is this my fault? Did…did I cause this?”

“No,” Noah says, wrapping his arms around me. “This isnotyour fault. This is the fault of whoever was harassing Patrick. We’ll figure something out.”

“Our only avenue now is the sheriff,” I say. “We’vegotto find something more concrete.” I wonder if the sheriff was behind the phone calls. I’m certain Wilbur shared our witness list with him. Maybe the sheriff knew he needed to get rid of the one person who could place Noah away from the scene. I look into Noah’s warm brown gaze and feel my heart break for the second time today.

“I can’t see you anymore,” I say. “Not until the trial is over at least. It’s too risky. I’m your only shot now, your only hope. If Iget fired and taken off the case, then you’re fucked.” I purse my lips. “We’re both fucked.”

I always knew it was dangerous to be involved with Noah. But things just went to a different level. This is the one time I feel like I really need Noah’s shoulder to lean on, need our time together in the guesthouse—and I have to give it up.

Noah’s face is bleak, but he nods. “Right,” he says woodenly.

I touch his face gently, one last time.

I can’t let him down.

But time is running out.

CHAPTER THIRTY

NOAH

For the first time since my arrest, real panic begins to creep back into my life.

I believe in Von more than I’ve ever believed in anyone. But losing Patrick is a huge blow. And not only that, I feel a crushing guilt that I was part of the cause of his death. He had been getting his life together. He was a responsible citizen now. He didn’t deserve to die—all to help me.

I miss my nights with Von like a hole in my chest. I would never put her career in jeopardy—we’ve been idiots, playing around like there weren’t dire consequences to our actions. But I miss seeing her at the end of each day, holding her in my arms, both of us drawing comfort from each other.

The Evertons know something happened on Thanksgiving, but we can’t tell them what. A pall has fallen over the house. Jury selection starts and of course, everyone who knows me and supports me is challenged by Wilbur and removed from contention. We end up with quite a few jurors from the outskirtsof the county, people who don’t seem to read the news at all. It’s seven women and five men, which Von tells me is good news. She keeps hammering away at all the reasonable doubt in this case. That’s our magic bullet now—that there’s no other evidence besides that damn fingerprint. There’s no motive. They can’t prove I wrote the letters, or that I was on the property that morning.

I just wish there was some way to prove to the jury that Icouldn’thave been in that pottery shed. Or that the sheriff took my gun.

The press has slowly been coming back to Magnolia Bay, and Pop has moved in with Charlotte’s parents. I’m glad someone is looking out for him.

I wake the morning of the first day of the trial and stare at the ceiling, a knot slowly forming in my stomach.

In some sense, it’s a relief. To get this thing started. I almost feel grateful that the judge forced a quick trial date. I wouldn’t want this to drag on for years. But also, I have to face the fact that we aren’t in a good position anymore. With Patrick gone, I no longer have an alibi.

After I shower, I finally shave my beard. I feel almost naked without it. I dress in the suit Von had tailored for me. The day I stood in front of the mirrors at Barbieri and Sons feels like a lifetime ago.

There’s a knock on the door, and I answer it expecting Von. Instead, I find Caden standing there. He raises an eyebrow at the sight of me.

“You shaved,” he says. I rub the smooth skin of my cheek.

“Yeah.”

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