Page 71 of Defend Me

I don’t care if this is wrong. I don’t care that I’m his lawyer. I am a vessel of pure need.

My mouth is urgent against his, his lips exploring mine with the same force, as if we’ve both been drawing closer and closer to this moment for longer than just a few weeks. His hands trace down the exposed length of my back, holding me close, enveloping me in his sunshine scent—how can he always bring the sun, even in the darkest of night? I press my breasts against him, shivering at the feel of those vast planes of muscle, my hands knotting into his hair, pulling him close like I can kiss him deeper, like I can consume him. I feel something inside me ease, a tender ache I’d carried for so long finally soothed. In Noah’s arms, I feel safe.

As that realization hits, our kiss shifts, slowing to delicate caresses, shy and sweet, our lips brushing each other softly. Noah rests his forehead against mine and I can feel his heart pounding insistently against my chest.

“Wow,” he murmurs.

I tilt my gaze up to his. Nerves flutter in my stomach. I can’t remember the last time I felt nervous around a guy. “Wow,” I agree.

“I wanted to kiss you before, you know,” Noah admits. “In the kitchen.”

Even though I suspected as much, it thrills me to hear him confirm it out loud. “I wanted to kiss you too.” His face relaxes like maybe he was just as nervous as me. My expression turns sheepish. “I thought you were dating Charlotte.”

Noah’s eyes pop. “What? No. I mean, Char is great, she’s one of my closest friends but…no.”

“That was Charlotte’s reaction too.”

One of Noah’s hands is firmly planted at my lower back,keeping me grounded. I lift my fingers to stroke the coarseness of his beard.

“I probably need to shave,” he admits.

“Mm,” I say. “But not yet. I like this.” I grin. “Shaggy. Bearded. A mountain man.”

He cocks one eyebrow. “Mountain man, huh? Didn’t know you were into that sort of thing.”

I give a half chuckle, but his words pinch, reminding me of my own revelations tonight. Noah must see my face fall.

“What?” he asks.

“Nothing,” I say, too quickly.

He raises an eyebrow. “Don’t think you can lie to me, Blofeld,” he says in his terrible Connery impression.

I let out a watery laugh and clutch at the fabric of his tee. Another zip of nerves runs through me and I focus on the feel of cotton, rubbing it between my fingers.

“It’s like I’m seeing things I can’t unsee,” I say quietly, keeping my gaze trained on the dip at the base of his throat.

“Like what?” he asks.

“Your kindness,” I admit. “It always used to chafe at me. But maybe it was never about you. Maybe it was always about me—because I was raised by a man who has always valued cunning over kind.”

Noah doesn’t say anything to that. He seems to know that I need to work these thoughts out on my own. Has he always been so intuitive? Has he always had grace for everyone—even me?

“I’ve tried so hard,” I continue, my throat tight. “All these years, trying to impress Dad and the people in the “right” circles. To be the best. It’s never enough. I don’t even know if I like my job. I mean, I like being a lawyer. No, Ilovebeing a lawyer. But the people I work for, the people I represent…” My mouth twists for a moment. “What would Mom say?” My voice cracks. “Do you know what I was doing that summer, the summer she died?”

I feel, rather than see, Noah shake his head. I’m still staring at his collarbone.

“She encouraged me to get an internship with the public defender’s office in the city. Some dingy little building with piles and piles of cases and overworked lawyers in frumpy suits who had more passion than all the junior associates at my firm combined. I was helping ordinary people, just trying to survive, navigate this insane criminal justice system we have. And you know what else?”

“What,” he asks softly.

I take a breath and finally meet his eyes. “Iloved it,” I say vehemently. This may be the first time I’ve admitted that out loud. “I loved fighting for people who couldn’t fight for themselves. I loved using my knowledge of the law to help. To feel like I was doing something worthy. And Dad hated it—he never said so, but I could tell. There was no glory to be had in that work, no ladder to climb, no connections to be made. But he’d never go against Mom. And then she died. And I only had one parent left…” I take a deep, shuddering breath. “So I did what I knew Dad wanted. I quit.”

I turn my face away from him again, blinking quickly. “I started interning with Harold instead. That made Dad happy. But his happiness was short lived. Because Caden wasn’t here. We all knew that getting Caden back was Dad’s number one priority. I worked myself into the ground to excel. To shine. To be noticed. And I’m suddenly realizing it never even mattered. I abandoned what I wanted and for what?”

My breath catches in my throat, and I will myself not to cry.

“Hey,” Noah says softly, tilting my chin so he can see my eyes. “You shine, Von. You shine so fucking bright you could light up this whole city. Don’t let anyone ever make you feel otherwise.” He strokes my cheek, and I melt into his touch. “I wouldn’t want anyone else in my corner.”

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