Page 60 of Growing Into Love

“Shame,” she says.

I feel her eyes on me as I leave the restaurant. But I’ve forgotten her in an instant.

I head to the stairs, thinking of Cass in the room, waiting for me. Well, not waiting—she’s probably hoping I’ve got my own place to sleep by now. Or maybe she’s on the phone with David.

It feels like a dagger stabbing through my dream, ripping it to shreds. I can’t have Cass, and the life I imagined for us.

She’s already with someone else.

I’m too fucking late.

SEVENTEEN

CASS

I get backto the room and get ready for bed.

The jetlag fog is pressing down on me. My heart aches, thinking of the unfinished conversation with Jaz earlier.

The truth is…

But what? What is the truth? I shrug into my Winnie the Pooh tee and crawl under the covers. Then I grab Mum’s copy ofFellowshipand hug it to my chest. I haven’t heard from Jaz but he hasn’t come back yet so maybe they got him his own room.

“Oh Mum,” I murmur, giving the book a squeeze. “What do I do?”

I want to come clean and tell him the truth. The way he looked at me tonight—like I was a woman, not a little kid. He made me feel more confident. He added a layer of reality to my sanctuary.

It’s how I’ve been wanting my family to see me for ages. I felt powerful and strong. I wish I could tell him how I really feel about him. I wish he’d get rid of Theresa once and for all.

I huff and lean back against the pillows, opening the book to a random page. I’ve read it so many times, I don’t need to start at the beginning. It’s the part where Frodo and the gang have just arrived in Bree. But I don’t see the words—I only see Jaz’s eyes on me. I only hear how clever and competent he thinks I am.

Maybe it’s time to pull the trigger. Maybe once the competition is over, and I’ve tackled the Grand Prix, I can tackle my feelings for Jaz too.

One way or another, it’s time to move forward like Zara said.

I check my phone, but Jaz hasn’t texted. I’m considering reaching out to see what’s going on when the door to the room opens.

“Hi,” Jaz says. There’s something in his expression that sends all the blood rushing to the point between my thighs. His eyes are like molten chocolate, his curls falling over his brow. He pins me with his gaze. “I got a drink at the bar,” he says in rough voice that feels like fingers dancing over my skin.

“Oh,” I say.

“Betty said there aren’t any rooms to be had. I’ve got to stay here for the rest of the week.”

A thrill runs through me from the back of my scalp to the tips of my blanket-covered toes.

He’s staying here. I didn’t realize how badly I wanted him to until now.

“Oh,” I say again. “That’s okay.”

“Is it?” he asks.

I swallow hard and nod. “Course.”

He stares at me for a moment longer, tension radiating off him in waves. I wonder what happened between now and dinner. I hope it wasn’t to do with Theresa.

“I think I’ll take a shower, if that’s okay,” he says.

“Go for it,” I say. “It’s your room too.”

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