Page 26 of Growing Into Love

“No,” he says. “How long are you going to let her keep dicking you around like this, Jaz?”

“I don’t do it on purpose,” I grumble.

“Why do you do it then?” he asks. “And I’m not trying to accuse. Really. I’m curious. Why does she have such a hold on you?”

I struggle to come up with the right words.

“Because—future,” I bumble. “And waste—I didn’t—ugh.” I run my hands through my hair and try to unstick the words from the roof of my mouth. “I had a whole future planned with Theresa,” I try again. “And every time she comes back, it feels like maybe that wasn’t all a waste. Like maybe I can still have it.”

“You can have a future with someone else,” Declan points out. “Someone who never broke your heart in the first place. Someone who doesn’t pop up and then disappear. Theresa doesn’t have the market cornered on futures. There are other women out there.”

“Who?” I say bleakly. “What sort of girl wants to date a farm vet? I’ve got no money. I work all hours. I deal with an immense amount of shit, both figuratively and literally. Who would want me?”

It’s the first time I’ve voiced the fear aloud. That I’m holding onto Theresa because I don’t think there’s another option out there for me.

“You need a farm girl,” Declan says.

Like Cass,I think, then wrench my mind back to the present. Can’t go thinking about that in Declan’s presence.

I shouldn’t be thinking about it at all.

My phone buzzes again with another Theresa text.

I hope you’re all right.

Declan snatches it off the bar before I can answer.

“No,” he says firmly.

“What?”

“You’re going to say something nice to her. She doesn’t deserve it, Jaz.”

“How’d you know what I was going to say?” I ask, snatching the phone back.

“Because you’re a nice guy. You’re too nice. She hasn’t done anything to earn the kindness you show her.”

“Kindness doesn’t need to be earned,” I mumble.

“Well, sometimes it should be,” Declan says.

I’m fine,I write back to Theresa.

“There,” I say, showing him the phone. “That wasn’t nice. That was…polite.”

Declan raises his eyes to the ceiling then finishes his beer. “I’m sorry she keeps doing this to you. It isn’t fair.”

“Yeah,” I say morosely. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you? Life’s not fair.”

“It can be fairer than this. It’s good you’re getting away,” he says. “Shake this off. Maybe flirt with some American girls. They love the accent, or so Autumn tells me.”

This time my chuckle is real. “Yeah, sure. You’ve seen me try to flirt.”

Declan laughs and tosses some bills on the bar. “True. It’s not a pretty sight.”

I mock punch him on the arm and we leave the Stag. The night is cool, and I shove my hands in my pockets.

“Seriously, though,” Declan says as I walk him to his lorry. “Do what you can to get Cass to back off the sanctuary idea. It’s not the right time.”

---