Page 102 of Growing Into Love

“Is Craig sticking around too?” I ask.

“Yes. I think you and I should go round their place in York at some point and have a chat together. Clear the air. Make plans. Get things organized.”

“Yeah,” I say, chewing on my lower lip. I glance up at him. “You’re going to be a dad.”

I can see it, the spark of joy in his eyes at the word.Dad. My heart squeezes.

“I am,” he says, seeming bewildered and excited at once.

I feel like the fifth wheel, the new addition, an extra appendage flopping about uselessly. What do I know about human babies? Animals I can handle. And how can I support Jaz while he coparents with a woman I don’t much care for and who up until an hour ago I thought I would never see again?

“I can see you going mental,” Jaz says. “Let’s take a minute and not think about the Theresa and Craig part of this equation.”

“Gladly,” I say, and his mouth pulls up into a crooked grin.

“Let’s imagineourfuture with this baby,” he says. “I can change my home office into a nursery. We could put a crib in there. Paint it blue or pink or—”

“Absolutely not,” I say. “We aren’t shoving gender stereotypes down this kid’s throat. Let’s do something nice and neutral, like green and purple.”

“Green and purple it is,” Jaz says. “We could take them to the lake in the summer, like we used to do when we were kids. You could teach them how to ride a horse.”

That would be nice. But I can’t see it the way he can—Jaz is so far ahead of me, imagining this happy life with me and him and Baby. “It’s hard to wrap my head around,” I say quietly.

He kisses my forehead. “I know. And for now, you’ve got to get Sarah’s Sanctuary going. That’s a lot for you to focus on, Cass.”

“I won’t be excluded from anything,” I warn him. I might not love this new development, but I won’t have Jaz, Theresa, and Craig away at doctor’s appointments or whatever without me. “Wherever you go, I go too.”

“One hundred percent,” Jaz agrees. “God, Cass, I’m going to need you. I’ve no idea what I’m doing.”

“And you think I do?” I say. “Only a week ago, I had a fake boyfriend.”

Jaz chuckles but it’s short lived. The Classic suddenly seems like a different era.

“This will be hard,” he says. “And awkward. And definitely uncomfortable at times.”

“Oh, without a doubt.”

“But if there’s one thing I’m certain of, it’s that Theresa was right—you know family, Cass. It might not be a talent that has a name, but it’s a talent all the same. You’re going to be such a wonderful influence on this child’s life.”

My throat tightens. What if I’m not though? What if I don’t like this baby? What if I feel nothing for Jaz’s child?

I don’t voice those fears aloud. They feel too sad. And scary. Instead, I wrap my arms around him and remind myself that he’s here. That we are together and nothing is going to tear us apart.

“Okay,” I say.

We sit quietly in the kitchen for a long while, both lost in our thoughts of what the future might hold now that everything has changed.

THIRTY

JAZ

Two weeks later,Cass and I make the drive down to York to meet with Craig and Theresa.

We’ve both had a bit more time to get used to this new reality. I think Cass is still feeling some reservations but that’s to be expected. It’s a huge responsibility to take on, and our relationship is only just starting. But she’s tackled it with the same stubbornness and passion that she puts into everything she does. I’m so damn grateful for her support.

And I have to say, I’m excited to be a dad.

Theresa and Craig live on a pretty street lined with terraced houses—a cheerful row of red brick and white doors.

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