Page 61 of Scoring with the Coach's Daughter

What if I’m wasting my time? What if she’s incapable of change?

She’s like the Great Wall of China. Impenetrable. The wall has been up for over two thousand years—and it keepseveryone out of China. Sam has been just as effective at keeping people out.

What makes me any different? Will I meet the same fate? The one of being excluded from her inner circle of three or four people?

Why do I put myself through this knowing that Sam might not change? Sadly, I acknowledge the fact that the odds of the Megalodons winning the Super Bowl are better than my odds of winning her over.

What do I have to do to prove I’m a great man who genuinely loves her and Ellie?

If she won’t meet me halfway, I’m doomed—we’re doomed.

Will Sam continue to sabotage all my efforts so she never has to be vulnerable with anyone?

That’s the fifty-thousand-dollar question and for the first time in a long time, I don’t have the answer.

19

SAMANTHA

Birds are chirpingoutside my window as I slide my hand over the sheets and when they fail to connect with Jake, I know I messed up. All I feel is cool fabric when I want to be running my hand over his six-pack abs.

I’m miffed. I have no one to be angry with but myself.

Last night was intense. I know I’ve damaged us. Why didn’t I stop myself before I hurt his feelings?

Jake has proven he’s not impervious to vulnerability and he mentioned he’d sleep in his room at the inn and I had to give him his space.

The irony is that he’s all too quick at retreating when he’s not happy with me. And I suppose he’s right that I’ve done this before. Did Rob leave me because I never let him partake in Ellie’s life? Did I micromanage him away too? I think back to my time with him and Jake may have a point. Maybe Rob wasn’t opposed to becoming a dad, he was just insulted because I excluded him.

I thought it was a male thing— ducking out. But now I find I might be guilty of doing the same thing. I’ll admit deflecting and blaming is often easier than admitting I’m wrong.

I wonder if Jake has plans this morning. More importantly, I’m wondering where we stand. Then I’m in a tizzy wondering if I drove him away.

Did we break up last night?

Dreadful feelings wash over me as I stare at his empty pillow.

Jake should be here. It was an argument, not the end of the world for Pete’s sake. I miss his warm body next to mine. I miss his snuggles and the way he nuzzles my neck.

My stomach twists.

Last night’s argument replays in my head, every heated word echoing back at me like a cruel reminder of us at odds. “You’re always going to find fault with anyone in Ellie’s life.” Or, “You’re going to kill all the joy in that little girl if you don’t loosen up.”

I squeeze my eyes shut against the memory, but it’s no use. It’s still there, burning. Doesn’t he understand that I have to be an adult? I have to make the tough decisions because I’m raising Ellie. Her happiness and safety fall on my shoulders. My dad travels, and my mother is getting older. I’m younger and this is the perfect location to give her a wholesome life with extended family due to our tight-knit community and our friends.

But how many friends do I have? Jake made a point about me finding fault with others. I wouldn’t say it’s others' faults that make me shy away from letting others in— as much as it is the fact that I choose to not let people in. Maggie is my trusted bestie, and aside from a handful of employees, I don’t allow many into our inner circle. I take it upon myself to do everything that needs to be done.

Isn’t that what good Moms do?

We make sacrifices and we criticize ourshortcomings so we can raise a well-balanced child who will eventually be self-sufficient.

But the look in Jake’s eyes, well, he was furious. I was, too. But it wasn’t just anger in his voice last night—it was the frustration that was etched in his face that alarmed me. Rob might have had the same look when we argued for weeks before he left.

I must have been out of line for Jake to look so, well—hurt.

I made a mountain out of a molehill last night. I overreacted. I could have handled last night better. I should have slept on it.

Jake’s a go-with-the-flow type of man and I love that about him. Love. Yes, I’m in love with him. I love his smell, his smirk, and the way he teases me and makes me giggle. He makes me see things in a new light. The fact is, Jake makes me a better person.

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