Page 45 of Scoring with the Coach's Daughter

I sigh, leaning back, and stretching my legs out again. “You wanna know what keeps me up at night, Sam? It’s the feelinglike I’m living two different lives. Like I have to be two different people, and I don’t know how to make them exist in the same world.”

She frowns slightly. “What do you mean?”

I let out a breath. “There’s the version of me that the world sees—the guy who throws touchdowns, the player who plays through injuries, and who’s expected to be the leader and the face of the team when we’re losing a game. And then there’s the guy who’s sitting here right now. The guy who wants something that has nothing to do with football. Who wants a quieter life, you know? I want my life to be more than what happens on the football field on Sunday nights.”

She doesn’t say anything, but I can see the tension in her shoulders.

“I want you, Sam,” I say, my voice steady. “I want to build my next act with you.”

“Jake...”

“I know you’re overwhelmed. It’s a big step,” I say, my voice softer now. “I know you think this won’t work because of the distance, because my life is always moving, always changing. But I need to know if there’s a part of you that’s willing to try. Can you meet me halfway?”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Maybe it is,” I counter. “Or, maybe you just don’t want it to be with me.”

She exhales sharply, rubbing at her temples. “Jake, I have a daughter. I have a life here. I can’t just uproot everything because I want to try to have a relationship, even if I want to with all my heart.”

My jaw tightens with disappointment, but her response is what I expected. “I’m not asking you to uproot anything. I’m asking if you’re willing to let this be more than just a temporary thing. If you’re willing to figureit out with me.”

Silence hangs between us, heavy and full of our unspoken fears.

I look at her, really look at her, and I see the battle happening inside her. The part of her that wants this, that wantsme, and the part that’s terrified of giving up control, or, of getting hurt, and perhaps the fear that one day, she might look up and think she made the wrong choice.

I reach for her hand, my thumb brushing over her knuckles. “I’m not asking you to have all the answers right now. I just need to know if you’re in.”

She looks down at our hands, then up at me, her eyes shining with something I can’t quite place. And for a second, I think she might say yes.

She looks up at me, something like regret flashing across her face. “One day at a time.”

I decide I’ll take what I can get. I reach for her hand, my thumb brushing over her knuckles. “Let’s seize the day.”

“Jake...”

But I shake my head, and reign in my feelings. The fortress around her heart is more akin to Fort Knox—impossible to penetrate.

I shush her lips with a kiss.

When I walk into the restaurant the following afternoon, I’m greeted with the site of fresh dough and the two women in my life enjoying the afternoon with each other. Was it just last week that I was here with Sam and Ellie, making pizzas? I’m thrown back to the memory of sticky fingers covered in flour, and the laughter we’ve enjoyed together bonding over pizzas. Sam has her hands buried in the dough.

It feels like a lifetime ago, and yet the days are flying by toofast. Before long, I’ll be back home, back to the life waiting for me. The thought twists in my chest, but I will my doubts into submission. I refuse to believe Sam doesn’t feel what we’ve become to each other. She’s resisting out of habit and fear. I know fear and if she gives in to it; it will lead her to a dark place.

I know how easily fear and doubt can grip a person because I’ve gone through it with my career. I have anxiety before every game. Will I make a great play? Will I help my team win? I have a fear of failing, just like Sam.

This isn’t my first injury, either. Through experience, I’ve learned that when I become a recluse and stop participating in life, that’s when I need to surround myself with people. It’s easy to be swept away by our internal thoughts and when I can’t think of a positive thought, I know I’m in trouble. The negative thoughts and feelings expand exponentially like cancer.

The love and laughter of my family and friends bring me back to normality—days that have all the emotions, especially laughter and joy. I’m hoping that Sam just needs more time to settle into the possibility that we can become a family. And while I wait, I’m going to soak up every minute we have together.

I lean against the counter, watching as Sam starts to loosen up, and she guides Ellie’s hand on the rolling pin as they roll out pizza dough. Ellie looks up at her with wide eyes, her small fingers pressing into the flour dust on the surface of the pizza pans like she’s a pixie and she’s dropping expensive fairy dust. I pull out my phone and snap pictures of them.

“That's it,” Sam says, a small smile tugging at her lips. “Nice and even.”

Ellie beams up at her. “Likethis?”

“Yes, exactly.”

Sam lifts the dough and places it on the pizza pan and quickly spreads the red sauce on it.

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