Page 19 of Pain Run Rampant

Fuck it. Might as well just spit it out.

“I haven’t been able to cast anything since I bound Invictis to me,” I say. “I don’t know why, but… it’s like it’s just gone.”

“What? It’s gone? It can’t be gone. You’re the high empress. You have all of the magic from your predecessors. That magic can’t just disappear,” Frederick tries to reason, as if sound reasoning will bring back my ability to sling spells. And then something must occur to Frederick, because he whips his head around and glares at Invictis. “This must be your doing.”

Scoffing as he rolls his eyes, Invictis huffs, “It is not. Although, you could convince her to unbind me and see if that helps anything—”

“Fuck off,” I hiss, causing Invictis to smirk. “You’re not getting unbound. You’re stuck with me from here on out, magic or not.” Quieting my voice, I tell Frederick, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t know how. I didn’t want…” I look at my lap and sigh.

Frederick knows what I was going to say, because he says it: “You didn’t want to worry anyone. You’d just saved Laconia. You wanted everyone to have faith again.”

“I don’t know about faith, but… yeah, pretty much.” My eyes shift to the golden tattoo on my right arm.

“Is that why you wanted to visit these labyrinths with Invictis? To see if you could find a way to regain your magic?” When all I do is sigh, Frederick shakes his head and gets to his feet. “I need a moment.” Without another word he walks away from the campfire, away from me.

“Frederick, wait.” I try to call out for him, but he doesn’t stop. Fifteen feet away, Invictis is busy frowning, and I can tell he wants to say something, but I don’t let him. I get up and go after Frederick. Still woozy and a little light-headed, but my legs hold me up.

A ways from camp, I find Frederick standing just before a sharp drop-off, one of countless in Pylos thanks to its mountainous land. His back is to me, and his arms are folded over his chest, a stance he doesn’t often take.

I stand behind him for a moment, trying to think of what to say to him, but he beats me to it. He doesn’t turn around, though. He simply says, “You should have told me.” The hurt in his voice is plain, and it’s like a knife in the gut.

Or a claw in the side.

“I know” is all I can say.

Frederick is slow to face me, and his arms fall to his sides. “You should have told me, Rey, about all of it. About Invictis, about your magic. Do you not trust me? Did you think I’d telleveryone the moment you told me?” He lets out an exasperated breath. “Empresses above, Rey, if you would have told me and asked me to keep it to myself, I would have—I would have gladly done so while trying to help you.”

My eyes fall to the grass between us, although it’s more like dry weeds here than actual grass. “I know.”

He takes a step toward me. “Do you? Do you know? I don’t think you do. You’re so engulfed in your own problems you never stop to think. I can help you, Rey, but only if you let me.”

“It’s not easy for me, Frederick, to let anybody help me! Don’t you get that? Ever since my dad died I’ve been on my own. My foster family was a joke. I grew up when I was ten years old. I’ve had to depend on myself since. I’m the only one I can count on. Me. Not anyone else. Just me.”

“The circumstances might’ve been different, but I was forced to grow up in much the same way.” The expression on Frederick’s face is pained. “You can count on me. I thought you knew that.”

“How can I know that? Let’s not forget the first time we met, you lied to me and said if I went looking for your dad’s stuff you’d help me get home.” I don’t know why, but I throw his lie back in his face. Maybe Frederick lying to me in the beginning hurt me more than I wanted to admit. How else can I explain why it so easily came to the tip of my tongue now?

He inches forward, his brow furrowed. “And I’ve regretted lying to you every single day since. You were a stranger who could somehow walk through shadowstorms as if they were nothing. You were my only chance at finding my father’s research. I never imagined—” He stops himself from saying more.

But I need to know. “You never imagined what?”

“I never imagined you’d bring him back. I never could have anticipated the way things have gone. Rey.” Frederick reachesfor me, and before I know it, his hands are around mine, holding onto me so softly the tender gesture freezes me in place. “In the beginning, I saw you as a possible solution to our problems. To the woes, to all of the hard times that fell upon Laconia. But now…”

Frederick’s hands squeeze mine, and I know I should pull away, but I don’t. Blame it on the recent blood loss, blame it on anything, but I stand right where I am, gazing into Frederick’s amber eyes like they hold the answers to everything.

“Now, everything is different,” he whispers. “Everything changed. I don’t know when. It’s not like I planned on it. You’ve changed everything, and I need you to know that you can trust me with anything. I will never do something that will lead to your harm.”

With every whispered sentence, he sounds more urgent, and his body keeps inching closer until there’s nothing between us but our hands—which he then drops so he can cup my face. Gingerly, like he’s scared or nervous, like he doesn’t quite know what he’s doing, or maybe he’s afraid I’ll push him away or stop him.

But I think, just this once, I won’t.

His head bends and his eyes close, and I let him take the lead. My own eyelids flutter shut mere moments before his mouth brushes against mine. Tentative, unsure, the softest kiss I’ve ever felt—and that includes the ill-fated kiss I shared with him before.

Why does this feel more intense, even though it’s ten times gentler? Why can I feel this kiss in every part of me, from my fingertips to my freaking toes? I don’t do soft and gentle. It’s not my thing. But this… there’s something special about this.

Maybe it’s the blood loss, but I swear I could kiss Frederick all night.

One of Frederick’s hands drops to my side, slow to curl around my hip, around to my lower back. His mouth on mine is warm and soft, and the slowness of the kiss does anything but dull the urgency. I can still feel how much he needs me, how much he wants me. It’s almost enough for me to give in completely. I’ve never let my walls down for anyone before, but this kiss makes me want to let him in.

---